A “Wall” Ago

They say if you do something 12 times, then it becomes a habit.

First off, I think when I refer to ‘they’ I am really referring to my husband, Heath. When he relayed the message to me, I am not sure who the ‘they’ was. Who knows really? He is kind of sketchy on that type of stuff. For all we know, he could have heard something totally different. Sometimes his “telephoning” skills are mediocre, at best.

Anyway, let us pretend, for this posts’ sake, that this statement is true. Heck, we’ll even pretend that if you do something 60 times, it becomes a habit. That means that if you do something every day for three months, it becomes habitual. Hmmmm…….I really, really, want to believe this. But, sometimes I feel like there are certain things that you have done for SO long, it is hard to revert.

One time I did do this though! In 7th grade, I decided that I wanted to write the letter ‘a’ differently. I wanted to write it like you see here, with a little top curve – adorable! Plus, you know how you are always doodling at that age. - Mrs. Cori DiCaprio - Haha. I doodled so much, I changed. To this day, I write my a’s with a top curve.

And, I want to add, to my credit, I did teach myself to like diet pop, green olives, and mustard. Weird, I know; don’t ask.

Every since then, I have been completely unable to make changes. There are so many things I do not want to accidentally pass on to Lucy. Heath and I talk about all the things we want for her and things we don’t want for her.

“I don’t want to cuss in front of her.” – says the pregnant version of me.

“Thanks a lot for the blinker, asshole.” – says the road-raged version of me, with Lucy in the backseat.

“Aw, she’s too young still. I have at least 3 more months to stop cussing.” – says my inner voice.

The fact is: I did stop cussing once. I am not sure it lasted an entire three months (especially with how often I accidentally stub a toe or burn myself on the stove). Hey, don’t judge me. Mythbusters proved that people can withstand more pain when they cuss, rather than yelling random words. Alright, alright, judge away…...but, I swear I will not be that one parent, in the parking lot, shoving their 100 kids into a Geo, cussing about who dropped their ice cream.

“I want Lucy to eat healthy.” – says Heath to a pregnant me.

“Yeah, let’s never introduce her to hotdogs and she won’t know what she missing out on.” – I say, with a slight sarcastic chuckle.

“We will only get turkey-dogs though.” – says Heath.

“Whaaaaat?! She has to know what Fairbury, red hotdogs taste like! She has to be able to enjoy a good, sporting event hotdog! They’re the best!” – cries my inner voice.

Okay, so I guess I just proved that there are some things we may need to change, but are unwilling to. I avoided hotdogs during my pregnancy – 9 months! I made it, somehow, through football season too! But, I just ate one last week. Darn it. (See that, no cussing! :))

“I am going to do crunches every night before I go to bed. Help remind me.” – I say to Heath.

Two days later, “Hey! I haven’t done them the last two nights. I thought you were going to remind me!”

And sometimes we can’t even get to the 12 days on our own, nonetheless, three months! Do you like that though? How I convinced myself that it was, in fact, HEATH’s fault that I didn’t do the crunches?

Finally, that brings me to my childhood embarrassment caused by my parents. Here is an example: My dad, probably because of his parents (it’s a vicious cycle), says a phrase wrong. He says, “a wall ago” instead of “a while ago.” Ugghhhhh!!! I, for the life of me, cannot stop saying this either! “Oh, I just stopped by a wall ago and you weren’t there.” A WALL AGO? That doesn’t even make sense. The only thing I can think of is that my dad was in the south too much as a child. Their ‘while’ kind of sounds like ‘wall.’ He was too impressed upon at 12 years old I guess! He doesn’t speak with a southern accent though – weird.

Growing up, my keen ear picked up on said ‘wall’ and I’m now cursed with the idiotic phrase. I say it aloud and immediately say to myself… “WHILE.” This includes me tightening my brow line and clenching my teeth and right fist. Even when my dad is around and says it I ask, “when did that happen, dad?” His only reaction is, “Shut up.”

I wish that I could make those changes before Lucy is old enough to catch on. I also wish that I could make exercising and eating healthy a habit. I am just not convinced it can become one. I think it has to be a conscious decision you make every day. And as far as our turkey-dogs and weird, family quirks, I guess that will help build her personality. I just have to face it; she is going to gather lots of my traits while she grows up – good and bad.

Or wait, is it ‘wall she grows up?’ Just kidding, dad – I love you! Haha. I only make fun because you gave the habit, or misunderstanding rather, to me.