Responsibility Advice

I recently had a mother of one contact me about going to grad-school and parenting. She wanted to know "how I do it." I laughed. Who the hell am I to be giving any advice? For all she knows I go home, starve the girls, and lock them in their rooms...but, I was humbled. I didn't really know what to say. I let the email sit in my inbox for a couple of days before replying. When I did reply, this is what I said...

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It is great to hear from you. And, when it comes to being a multi-tasking mom, I seriously hear you! I had such a hard time transitioning to my "new life" and that was back when I wasn't going to school. So, having a second baby and then applying to Grad School was basically terrifying. I completely understand your concern! I do have some advice, but I want to make sure I am completely clear - I still fail. I try. I try to be the best at everything that I can. But, some days the house is a complete wreck. Some days I order a pizza and don't cook supper. Some days I am so stressed to the max that I get short with Lucy and Olive, cry in the corner, and then beg for forgiveness. It is tough. I just don't think that we can be "the best" at it all. I've tried several times and I have failed every single time. Just when I think I am getting into the swing of things, I realize that my relationship with Heath is suffering, or my friendships. Or, that I can't find time to just sleep, or think, or be by myself for two seconds!

I digress...

So, here is my advice and feel free to ignore me.

1) Forget your life pre-baby
I think my greatest milestone as a new mom was finally letting go of my "old life." I had a hard time. I kept thinking that everything was going to be the same, just with a baby. It literally took me about 2.5 years to figure this out. Things will have to be adjusted and concessions will be made.

2) Lean on your hubby
Heath is fantastic. But, I like to take a little bit of credit for getting him there. :) I am always an open book with him. I tell him when I am reaching my limit. He has really helped me pick up the slack and has come to know what really bothers me. I can't stand dishes in the sink; but, dust can wait until I have time...That kind of stuff. He has learned that there will be concessions when it comes to housework. So, a few rooms in our house (our bedroom and the toy room) will never be clean. We have finally come to terms with this.

3) Schedule "you" time
When I was a new mom I felt like if I wasn't spending every second of my free-time with Lucy, then I was a bad mother. I was so upset that I was already missing out on so much during the day, with her at daycare. But, I soon realized that I was having major burnout. I would try to do too much and then get short with Lucy. I was with her, but the shared time wasn't good. So, I schedule homework days, or homework nights, or even days away. Don't ever feel guilty for doing this - ever. It's not the quantity of time, it is the quality of time.

4) Schedule "us" time
Seriously, along with the previous one, take time to spend with your hubby. It is amazing how silly "the dishes" or "taking out the trash" can seem when you both are in good graces. But, if you are both stressed, you will end up bickering about something silly, something not even worth fighting about. So, once a week, if possible, take a night to go out, or order a movie, or something with just the two of you. It will make the household chores seem like less of a priority, which really, aren't they?

5) Remember this: When you die, no one will remember you for how clean your house was
You will be remembered as a wife, a mom, and so on. I learned this from my Uncle Matt and it is so true! Pick your battles and try to remember what really matters.

6) Indulge

Get that coffee from Starbucks. Buy those earrings. Every once in a while, we all need something to keep our sanity. Mine is the sweet, sweet flavors of a large diet-coke with vanilla from Sonic. :) It fuels me to get homework done. Seriously.

7) June Cleaver doesn't exist!

I kept thinking I should be able to do it all. But, to be honest, I don't think it is possible. I seriously don't. Something has GOT to give. Mine is the housework and sleep. Yes - I still get overwhelmed with it and hate when people come over and things aren't perfect. But, I have just learned what really gets under my skin and what doesn't, and prioritize accordingly. During the week, no housework gets done. I cook supper, do dishes, and try to pick-up the girls' rooms. The weekend is for housework and maybe not all of it. These Pinterest and Blogging moms are struggling too, they just aren't as honest (or they don't work full-time, or go to school). Sleep? Well, I love it so much. I catch up on the weekends or take naps with the girls. :)

9) Also, remember this: You are not alone. 

And, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Before we know it, our kids will be big and we won't know what to do with ourselves.

10) Having two is not much more work than one, as long as your husband helps out. Keep that in mind for future babies. :) The biggest obstacle is going back to those toddler days, where you can't take them anywhere for long periods of time (grocery shopping sucks, etc.).

I hope I helped in some way. Those are the things getting me by. But, my classes started up again this week and I'm already stressing. That's okay; I will just pick up my Sonic drink on the way home and wait until the girls go to sleep until I start homework.



Heath is also fantastic. He really is. I could never do any of this without him. He is a great husband and father. He supports me emotionally and he supports my education. He picks up so much of my slack. I am forever grateful for him. I hope that everyone has that type of support!

You will do great. If not, you will figure it out. I promise. I am always here to listen.

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Any advice that any other parents would give to a new mother, trying to take on other responsibilities? Besides calling them crazy... :)

Weight Loss Journey 3

Yes. I am on a weight loss journey again. This is my third. Apparently when life throws big changes my way, I gain lots of weight. But, I think baby weight is to be expected. I am just an overachiever and gain 50+ lbs.

My weight loss with Lucy seems like so long ago that I can't remember how long it really took. I know that I was back within 5 lbs in 10 months. So, what can I expect at almost 7 months post Olive? I feel, overall, that I am doing pretty good. I am 4 lbs away from being at my pre-Olive weight. I am 14 lbs away from my pre-Lucy. Darn it. I will get there and stay there someday.

What have I been doing? Mostly I've been calorie counting. It is working and making me lose between a pound and two pounds a week, depending on how much I cheat. Cheating usually involves a night out to eat, where I can't keep my hands off of the salsa and chips, or daiquiris, or Cool Ranch Dorito taco. Mmm...

I have also worked out a little, not as much as I would like. It is very difficult with the girls. I would like to work out after they go to sleep, but it is dark at that time. This summer will be nice. It also isn't warm enough yet to take them out with the jogging stroller. I did a couple of weeks ago, when it was warmer. Remember that? Two days? Oh well, it was amazing. They loved it and I did too, even though I about died! 

I have been stalling lately. So, I've been doing a lot of research on how to boost metabolism and what stalls weight loss, etc. But, I thought the ultimate motivation would be....accountability. It has always been a great motivator for me. My cousin, Hannah, did that already by setting me up on HealthRally: Cori vs. Baby Weight. It allows me to update my few followers on my progress. It puts a percentage to it as well, which helps when I can see the percentage of completion growing.

Heath has also motivated me with the promise of a shopping spree. :)

Finally, I am very, very motivated by a trip to Vegas. This trip will be taken on May 1st - 5 weeks and two days. I have to get in better shape before then! I would ideally get to my goal weight and have the shopping spree before then, or while in Vegas. That would be amazing. So, I am trying really, really hard.

Want to see how far I've come? Of course you do. Everyone loves before and afters! (I may or may not have taken some very formal before photos. I will have to show you those when I reach my goal.)

I know these aren't as good as posed, premeditated photos. That is why some day I might show you the other ones I took. Perhaps I won't be as embarrassed about them when I get to my goal.

I swear my face was chubbier after I had Olive than when I was pregnant!

 I miss my thick hair though... My top-knot used to be so big and thick. Sad, sad, sad.

To wrap this post all up, I hope you guys don't mind me sharing some of my battle with weight in the next couple of weeks. I feel like it is an important part of being a mommy. I think most mommas deal with getting back to "normal" after baby - if in no other way but weight.

Wish me luck! Oh, and I signed up for a 5K at the end of May. I HAVE to take training more seriously! I am gonna die..

Birth Story: Part 3

This is the final installation of the three part story, that is Olive's birth. :) Nothing like 5 months later...

After the actual laboring and birthing, we get to all the oohing and awing that I did. Also, I should really discuss the pain I felt afterward as well. To be honest though, I have forgotten most of it. I waited too long and those memories are fading. They always say that it's the easiest pain to forget and "they" sure are right! Although every time I hear someone say that, I think of my Granny. She had a ten pound baby (my dad) all natural back in 1960. Then, she was bedridden for four days after. I'm sure her pain was a little harder to forget than mine...

Dad, have you thanked Granny lately? You totally should! In fact, your birthday is this Saturday. You should tell her "thank you!"

Anyway,  I will tell you that the night after Olive's birth, I was so thirsty. I hadn't drank anything in over 24 hours; I had only had one cup of ice and nothing else. Plus, I had lost a reasonable amount of blood with the surgery. I begged for something to drink and couldn't have it...darn! The next morning I scarfed down my breakfast and started drinking. But, I was way too into holding Olive and just looking at her to be overly hungry.

I have several, several, pictures like this. I apparently stared at her...a lot. But, I'm sure other mothers can attest. Seeing their face for the first time, that little miracle, is simply amazing. I couldn't get enough!

As the day went on, my blood pressure kept getting really low and they asked me to drink more water. Ugh, the irony. I was slightly annoyed. It went from "can't drink anything" to "drink more."

It was about 14 hours after surgery that I got to take off my massage "booties." Those things were amazing! I loved them. Once they were off, I got my catheter out. Uncomfortable! But, I could get up now! At first, I felt pretty good. Not too much pain. It seriously took over 24 hours before all of the spinal had worn off and I started to really feel the pain. It was worse than a vaginally delivery, for me. When my bladder would get full, I had a lot of pain on the incision. When I would go pee, then it wasn't as bad. So, I kept running to and from the restroom, or rather shuffling to and from. It sure was different than what I had experienced before. Pain in a completely different place, but still all of the gross discomfort...if you women know what I mean.

I really didn't mind though. I was completely on cloud nine. I seriously was on a high. I didn't get irritated at all and was just as happy as I could be. It was different than with Lucy. Perhaps my body has changed, or I have...something like that. The high lasted until, well, basically until I went back to work. Whomp, whomp. I won't beat that dead horse, so moving on...

Lucy came to visit and spent most of the second day with us. She loved seeing her new, baby sister.

She even held her for photos. When someone would talk to her, she would stick her fingers to her lips and tell us that her baby sister was sleeping. :) She's a great big sister!

The day we got out of the hospital, Lucy was there again. We wanted to make sure we got to experience these things as a family!


Then, it started. Olive was upset. I had to feed her before we hit the road. We sat the girls down to take this photo, and Lucy pooped her pants - more delay. They were breaking us in right away, to having two! That is alright though. Cloud nine...

I was welcomed home to this wonderful display my mom and sister put together - presents for all!

 

Oh boy, now that I've waited 5 months, this post is giving me baby fever. No way, Jose. We really would need a van then!

The rest is wonderful, laid-back, best baby in the world, knock-on-wood, history. :)

Birth Story: Part 2

After finally getting to the surgery room, I felt great. I was a little scared of the spinal and I was still having contractions. But, to know there was an end in sight felt wonderful. Also, I had been to that surgery room before, when I had my gallbladder taken out; so, there was some familiarity to it all.

The spinal had a little sting to it, and I would say was very comparable to an epidural. It took a while, so I asked a few questions of the anesthesiologist. How much will I feel? Will this make me nauseous? How does it only numb me from the arms down?

I had drank some tart, grape drink before I went down to surgery. It was supposed to help with the nausea. I was hoping so. I had heard horror stories about women throwing up during their entire surgery. Nothing sounded worse than throwing up while laying on your back. Plus, talk about a moment ruiner...

I was on my back, arms strapped down, and the sheet was up before Heath was escorted into the room. They had already asked how much I could feel. It was the most bizarre feeling. With an epidural, it was somewhat scary to me. I felt completely out of control and almost paralyzed. I hated looking at my leg, trying to move it, and being unable to do so. It truly freaked me out. With the spinal, I could feel. But, I couldn't feel everything. I could feel them rubbing stuff on my belly, which I was told would normally seem cold. I only felt the movement and not the coldness. Then, she started to make the incision. I remember knowing that she was about to cut, when Heath came by the sheet. I thought for sure that he would see the blood and pass out on the spot.

When he got to me, he was feeling pretty good. He had popped a Xanax upstairs and was what I would describe as three-beer-Heath. He was invincible and when they told him that he could stand to watch, he did! I kept asking him, "Are you sure? Are you okay?"

Getting Olive out only took a few minutes. This is what I heard:

"Okay, get ready to meet Baby Olive."

"Oh, she has hair!"

"Heath, get the camera ready."

"She's no peanut."

"Here she is!"

Heath stood up the whole time, snapping pictures with the camera in one hand and video recording with his phone in the other. The video is great! :) It is kind of gross though, and so are the pictures. I thought I would spare you.

She was born at 6:42 pm.

As soon as I heard her let out her first wail, I broke down. I just cried and cried. It still wasn't quiet real to me. Nothing quiet prepares you for hearing your baby cry for the first time, or seeing them either. While I was blubbering, unable to wipe away my tears, Dr. B leaned Olive over the sheet for me to see. In her gross, bloody, crying state, she looked like Lucy. Then, as quickly as she was there, she was gone. They took her across the room to check her. Heath followed, snapping pictures like crazy.

 

We all anticipated the weight. I overheard a conversation between Dr. B and the nurses on how much they thought she'd weigh. Dr. B was pretty close, saying that she thought she would be close to 9 lbs. She was 8 lbs and 11.5 ounces. She was 2.5 ounces more than Lucy and a week early! The shocker for me was, she was 21 inches long! That was 2 inches longer than Lucy. I just kept repeating it over and over. "21 inches? Wow, really? 21 inches?"

Olive cried and cried, until Heath said something to her. It seemed as though she recognized his voice, because she immediately stopped. It was so sweet. It warmed my heart. 

Olive and Heath were off to my right and a little over my head. After about ten minutes of watching, my neck and eyes started to hurt from straining. So, I stopped and laid flat again. Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks the 36 hours of little to no sleep. I was so tired. It was like my body knew that it was over and Olive was okay. I let my eyes close a few times as I jerked them back open. Finally, I called Heath over. "I'm going to close my eyes and I might fall asleep, is that okay?" 

I felt like a jerk; but, I literally couldn't stay awake. He of course told me that was alright, as he went back to Olive. I then fell in and out of sleep for the next hour or so. I woke up once because I was nauseous. I thought I might throw up. When I told the anesthesiologist, she got me a "throw-up sleeve," as I like to call them. Dr. B heard me and said that she was pushing on my stomach and that was probably what was causing it. Thank goodness the nausea passed and before I knew it the sheet was pulled down.

While they were moving me to a bed, Dr. B went to check on Olive. She is such a caring person and you can tell that she loves her job!

Funny story about the nurse in the maroon, over Dr. B's shoulder. She was a student when I had Lucy. I remembered her, only because her name is also my middle name. When she came in for the surgery and introduced herself, I immediately asked if she was a student back in February 2010. It was her. She was present for both of my girls. :)

Once settled, I finally got to hold her too. :)

She still looked a lot like Lucy to me.

We were taken to the recovery room, where I was able to have a few guests. I asked for Heath to go tell my sister to bring Lucy down. Little did I know, Dr. B had already went to get Lucy! haha. :) I think she was excited too.

Lucy was pretty excited and surprisingly not freaked out at all by the hospital. She rubbed Olive's head and talked to her. For the first time that evening, Heath cried. My sister did too. It was a special moment.

We finally got back upstairs around 9:30 pm. Good thing we have our babies on the weekend. :)

Everyone was thrilled. I have to say though, do you see Heath's sister's boyfriend over in the corner with his arms crossed? Haha. I have a picture similar to this one, when Lucy was born. Except, then, my cousin was keeping him company. I just don't think men/boys are into this stuff as much, unless it's their baby or grand-baby.

Everyone stayed only for a while and left to let me sleep. I was able to breastfeed her downstairs in the recovery room. So, I waited until the next feeding and then let the nurse take her to the nursery. We learned from Lucy, that for us, it was better for her to go to the nursery. I didn't have any trouble sleeping and was excited each and every time they brought her in to feed.

- To Be Continued -

Mental Preparation for Post-Pregnancy

When I think of having Olive, I think about the pain of labor for about a second. I guess it is so completely inevitable that I just try to shrug it off. When you get an epidural, you only really have to experience the really bad pain for about 3 hours, or I did anyway. If my labor would have started during the day, then it probably would have been sooner, but poor Denise had to get up at 2 am to come give me the epidural. Thank goodness for her! :)

Anyway, I've prepped for the pain as much as possible and my mind is strictly set on seeing that little girl's face! :) I can't wait! :) The love overwhelms me. I am just so excited to see her and add another member to our family. Ahh.....you know, happy baby thoughts.

What I am not doing, is properly preparing myself for the rest of it. Rest of it, you ask? I've said it before and I'll say it again, I was not at all prepared for the post-partum thing with Lucy. Not at all! I, again, had my sights set on the fun, happy, excited parts. So, when I read a blog post about what it is really like after baby a couple of months ago, I laughed pretty hard (you can read it too, here).

The one thing that I laughed the hardest at was at #7:

"7. You might hate your husband...nature takes care of you not conceiving right after giving birth by making you want to punch in [your husband's] face every time you see him. Again, it's probably hormone related. Again, this isn't always the case but I'm just warning you that you might stare at his peaceful sleeping face at 2am and wonder what the hell the point of him is and how can that son of a bitch just lie there sleeping like that while you try to get your baby to sleep for the umpteenth time. You're not alone and a jury full of mothers with newborns wouldn't convict you if you bludgeoned him to death with a breast pump. That said, he may be worth keeping around so take a deep breath and ignore the urge......for now."

The main reason I laugh is because I SO felt this. The second reason I laugh is more of a "HA!" As in, "HA, I'm not the only one." I have said this to Heath and to others before. I seriously used to sit next to Heath in bed, with Lucy in my arms, and glare, just burning hate into his soul while he slept. haha. I seriously just freakin' hated him at those moments. I know that it was the hormones, jealousy, and lack of sleep that was to blame. Plus, I had no idea what to expect.

I shared this blog above with Heath and he just didn't find it as funny as I did. But, I am hoping some other mother out there understands and empathizes with me.

The blog covers some other things that I didn't prepare for either. Not to copy her, but I thought I would share a bit of my own experiences. Warning, I am not looking for any kind of advice about the following things. With my current hormones, I might just flip out on anyone who gives me advice...nothing personal...just super touchy lately. I have been starting to think about post-partum and desperately trying to mentally prepare, so the shock isn't so great this time.

First of all, I loathe anyone who says to pack your normal clothes in your hospital bag, because you can just pop right back into your old jeans. After Lucy, I had lost a good 17 lbs almost right away. But, I was far from getting back into normal clothes. Adjusting to the my newly, marked-up, plump, baby-less body was tough for me. I had never been that big before; it seemed a lot more acceptable and easy to deal with when I was pregnant. After, it was just me...and a lot more of me!

TMI WARNING: The leaking and bleeding! Ugh! I knew that it would be like having a week to two-week menstrual cycle, but come on! Between the giant pads, which I never wear usually, and the breast pads, I felt "dirty" all the time. When my milk came in, I had to change my breast pads almost every hour and a half! I would wake up to a soaked bed, bra, and shirt. I had to sleep on towels!

No sleep. Duh, right? Everyone should expect no sleep; it would have been ignorant and naive to not think that. But, the toll that no sleep has on people is what I didn't expect. It is the grumpiness and the biting off Heath's head part. I would yell at him for no reason, know that it was wrong, but, be too exhausted to correct myself. So, Heath - I apologize for my future outbursts. I really do love you and appreciate you. I just want some friggin' sleep!

The immediate pain following birth. I had, for some crazy reason, convinced myself that the epidural would take all pain away...apparently forever. I didn't think about the pain after the magic drugs wore off. I was surprised at how sore I was after and especially in the nether region. I know that you are thinking that I was super naive to think I was going to push an 8+ lb baby out of a small exit and feel great an hour later. But, I seriously didn't think about it. I thought up until seeing Lucy and not much further...This time, I am prepared to be asking for the Tylenol with Codeine. Bring it on before the epidural wears off and I have to wear a frozen pad!

The frozen pads are amazing by the way. The hospital would pour tea on pads, then freeze them. The cold felt awesome and the tea makes the swelling go down. Awesome. With Lucy, I grabbed one for the road. haha.

Now that I have sufficiently abandoned all of my male, family readers, I should probably go. My mind is still fluttering with excited thoughts of meeting Olive for the first time. It is an amazing experience. I thought I simply needed a small reality check on this anxious afternoon.

Wanna scare any teenage girls out of having sex? Tell them about this stuff. They don't talk about it on '16 & Pregnant.'

Wish me luck, and seriously please will me to go into labor soon. I am going crazy over here!

Week 24 Update

I barely got in a Week 24 update! I have been too busy with Memorial Day Weekend, and the recuperation. Plus, work has been pretty stressful lately, or at least it is causing me to have a lot on my mind. Either way, here it is...

No makeup. I'm big. My arm looks really big. Okay, that is all...

How far along?
I am 24 weeks and 6 days. Looks like this update won't be much different than next week's, since they are so close together. :{ I have 106 days left, although I have a very strong feeling that she will be at least  a few days early.


Baby is the size of...
or, rather, the length of an ear of corn. She is approximately a foot long and anywhere from 1.5 to 2.5 lbs. Again, I think she is closer to the latter. She feels big, which probably means that she is teeny tiny considering my motherly intuition and how awful it is. haha.

Symptoms:
The lack of sleep is coming back. My sleep quality is awful. I don't know what it is. I can't get comfortable, I pee too often, and I seriously do have a lot on my mind lately. Then, the house is a mess, which only causes me to feel stressed out. I am hoping that it isn't just the third trimester starting and that it won't continue! :{

My back and butt hurt when I sit for a long time in an uncomfy chair. I have officially deemed "uncomfy" as anything besides a recliner. haha. But, I have been sitting more lately, since my feet have officially started swelling. Fun times!

And, well, I'm big and getting bigger. Her are some maternity photos that I thought looked somewhat similar. They are all different black shirts; but, apparently, I wear black a lot...hmm...

She used to be right up under my breasts, which was giving me the worst indigestion! But, she seems to have just dropped and (knock on wood), I haven't had indigestion since. Although, I did get some "doctor-approved" medicine for it too. :)

Anything New?
There is probably a lot that is new and I just don't remember what I have told you or not. My sister and I went to What to Expect When Expecting, the movie. It was pretty good. I got a few laughs and tears. It was somewhat slow moving though. But, overall, it made me super excited to have a newborn again. I know that they are exhausting and you feel fat, and gross, and overwhelmed, and you are bleeding and leaking, and you kind of want to severely hurt your husband for not having to go through the same thing...or, is that just me? But, the feeling of holding the baby and seeing their face for the first time, makes me want to burst with love and excitement. I can't wait!


New with Heath?
He said the other day that he didn't think he was actually mentally prepared for Olive. "I just don't think I realize that there will be two. There will be two to take care of." Yep. Me neither Heath. I have always said though that nothing can prepare you for having a baby - nothing. And, well, I feel that way about two too. Nothing can prepare you for the transition to two children either. We will just have to learn, like we did with Lucy. We will make it. I am confident in Heath and our relationship. :)

New with Lucy?
The potty training is slow moving. But, we have some stickers on the fridge and she is working toward her Ken doll that is sitting on top of the fridge.

This weekend she got off of her sleeping schedule and we are having a very difficult time getting her back. We are all still tired. I try not to think that I am especially tired; but, sometimes I feel like I am...haha.

Oh, and Lucy hit me in the stomach the other night (not hard - don't panic). When I told her it was bad and that she couldn't because of the baby, she said, "Sorry, Olive." I couldn't remain mad anymore. :)

Anything else?
Some of my family members are convinced that  I may be having a boy. They joked that I will have to add an 'R' to the end of Olive's name. However, we will see about the boy. I don't think so; but, the tech could have been wrong...I will get a 3D ultrasound in July to confirm the sex. I can't wait!

Also, my grandpa thought that perhaps I was having twins. Nope. I'm just really, really big.

I am again looking forward to the weekend and hopefully the short week will make it get here faster. I am also looking forward to the cool weather! Yay! Have a good week too!