Response to DayCare Blues

Yesterday I received a lot of encouraging messages from fellow-working mommies out there, as well as a few stay-at-home mommies. It seems that everyone feels that they don't have enough time for something, whether that be their children, their chores, or just "free-time."  Life simply goes too fast and there aren't enough hours in the day.

Although I read through multiple comments, my feelings on the matter hadn't changed much as I sat in Lucy's room with her. She and I were eating mini smores that I had made in the microwave. She chewed and danced around the room in only a diaper, watching Toy Story 3. I folded her clothes and picked up toys. For some reason I picked up my phone to check my email.  In my "ILoveLucyJean" account I had a message from my Uncle. He doesn't email me often, so I opened it right away.

I read it. I agreed. Then, being the emotional freak I am, I cried. I would like to blame it on my pregnancy; but, I am pretty much a blubbering idiot all the time - just ask my family.  I love my family so much; so, whenever one of them shares their love, memories, or advice with me, I simply lose it. (Girly-girl...I'm not too ashamed.)

I hope my Uncle doesn't mind that I'm going to share his email with everyone. I guess if he does, then I'll never get a response from him again :{. I just felt that everyone needed to be reminded of such things. No matter how many times I hear this type of message, I somehow lose sight of it over and over again. This was a wonderful reminder and I hope to keep the message to read whenever I'm feeling "the blues."

Dear Cori,
    I don't want to depress you even more but, I have had these same thoughts for years and if anything, time simply moves faster. My life has become more hectic with the children getting older and I have also become older, with less energy. Now I'm starting to ramble, so here is the point. You can take it or leave it but, here are my thoughts after many years of dreaming of what my life should be and what it is.
    My only goal is to raise my kids and let that be my legacy. When I'm dead and gone, will I be remembered for being organized, having a clean house, an awesome yard and etc? Probably not. I will be remembered as [your cousins' ] dad. Whatever they are as people on this earth is how I will also be remembered. Unfortunately, I have not had this outlook for all that long and have not always followed it. I still get caught up placing stupid stuff like mowing and things in front of more important events in this life. So long story short, someday when you are watching Lucy run a half marathon, or watching Olive play volleyball don't regret a single thing undone in your life. The important stuff is right there in front of you.

Love, Uncle Matt

My Uncle Matt and dad don't necessarily give me a lot of face-to-face advice, unless it's "Stop that!" or "You're going to hurt yourself...", or something of the sort. But, if you hand them a pen and paper, or give them a keyboard, they can be quite thoughtful. :)  I love that about them. :) I look up to both of them very much.

Granny - are you crying now?  You are the reason I'm a crier! :)

Well, I hope that my Uncle Matt has somehow reminded you of what is important in this life, today. It isn't the dishes or the yard, or whatever, it is family and always will be. :)

Happy Wednesday everyone!

21 Week Update

Here we are again, outdoors, with a head! :) The bump is getting kind of crazy and out of control!

How far along?
I am 21 weeks and 4 days (129 days left)

Baby is the size of...
or rather, the length of...a carrot. She is 10.5 inches from head to toe and 3/4 of a pound. Although, I have a feeling that Olive is probably closer to a full pound, considering her weight three weeks ago! :)

Symptoms:
The last few days have been getting rough. I was feeling pretty good; but, I carried Lucy quite a bit this weekend, sat on some gym bleachers a couple of hours, and squatted to give our chihuahua a hair cut. It really did a number on my muscles! I was and still am sore from it all. My back and shoulders are so tight. I think my husband should massage them! :)  I have to give him credit, he has a little bit...

The one thing that I am not really supposed to talk about (bowel movements) are completely irregular and annoying. But, to save you all, that is all I will say. Annoying!

I am starting to have a tough time sleeping again. I wake up a lot and dream constantly. I sleep, but don't really feel rested. So, I am feeling really tired lately. The smallest activity, like walking around Target for an hour, just about lays me out. Aww, I'm making myself tired. Let's move on...

Anything New?
The name is the same. I haven't gone to the doctor again. The belly is just getting a lot bigger! She is moving quite a bit more, or I am just feeling it more. Unlike Lucy, who used to kick and punch mostly up by my ribs, Olive's kicks are all downward. She hits my bladder like crazy and I am not as confident about my bladder control as I was with Lucy! :{ Constipation, then diarrhea, possible incontinence...get back boys! I know I'm a catch, but I'm taken!

New with Heath?
This last weekend, since I didn't feel well, he spoiled me pretty bad. I appreciate it a lot. I was just out of it and still am a little bit. I am so thankful that he takes care of Lucy and me. He is a great daddy and husband. Thank goodness for me!

He has really started to talk about Olive. He talks to Lucy about her and talks to me about our future, all while referring to her as "Olive." It helps us to better realize that a fourth family member is on the way! It gets kind of hard to believe at times. Although I am absolutely positive nothing can prepare you for having a newborn baby! And, in our case, adding another one to the family, while also having a 2 1/2 year old!

We continue to think about what we need to buy and what we need to do. It isn't as overwhelming this time, however, we probably need to get on it! I've been nesting a lot, but mostly in other rooms of the house. The nursery needs some TLC, since Lucy moved out.

New with Lucy?
Although she still occasionally gets out of bed at night, I would say that we have successfully made the transition to her big girl room. She doesn't really talk about the crib or her old room at all. And.....we have been binkie-free for over 72 hours!! Small victory in our house! :)

I'd love to say that we did some type of ceremonial goodbye to the binkie, or "mailed them" to her baby friends. But, we didn't. She got in trouble Friday night and we took it away. And, well, we decided since we were on a roll, we should continue with it. When she asks for it, we just say, "No binkie. Sorry honey." Surprisingly, her response so far has been, "Okay..." - of course it is in a whiny tone.

Now we need to move on to our third feat - potty training. More about that some other time...

Anything else?
I was recently approached with this question, "You aren't seriously naming your baby Olive are you?"

I expected it from the person it came from. I tried to be cordial, "Yeah. I know it isn't very popular." She continued to make disgusted faces, while ridiculing the name. I just smiled, in the bitchiest way I could possibly come up with, and nodded. She ended her rant by saying, "I just worry about other kids making fun of her."

Ohh...I see. She was telling me the name Olive was horrible, as a favor! Silly me! "I told her that I didn't think there was anything to make fun of and to be honest, "if she is a good person, then I don't care."  Her response was, "Yeah, I guess. Was Olive Oil one of your favorite cartoons growing up?"

It wasn't, but oh my gosh! God forbid that children call her "Olive Oil." That would just be the absolute worst! Riiiiight...they won't even know what Popeye is in that generation.

Finally, I just said, "Yeah, many of my family members don't like it too much, but they are too polite to say anything." I was hoping that would shut her up.

Fun times!  I still love the name and no one is going to convince me otherwise. I just have no use for rude people. Get a clue....what a way to start the week! I hope the rest of it goes better!

Advice on Parenting

When is it acceptable? And, when is it offensive?

I've had advice range from -

"Put two sets of crib sheets and liners on the mattress; so, in the middle of a messy night you can just take off the top two layers and go right back to sleep."

to

"You need to get out of your bubble and experience more things, to be a better mom."

Helpful information to downright infuriating comments.

Yes - someone actually told me that I needed to get "out of my bubble" to be a better mom. The bubble I live in? I'm careful and I think about consequences before doing something. How awful of me, right? Anyway, enough of that irritation...let's just say that Heath said my face became visibly red during that particular conversation.

Anyone with a brain knows that you should never utter to another mother, "To be a better mom, you should..." However, I've also been given advice that I didn't agree with and I felt like I was being told that my way was somehow "wrong." This is also difficult to deal with.

Don't get me wrong. I love giving my opinion and advice. I am the first one to do it...through blog even. :) If you are going to see a movie and I've already seen it? Be prepared; I'm going to tell you what I think about it. Having a problem? I can help! Or, at least I think I can. And, if I know some amazing fun fact or work-around, I'm going to share it with the world.

So, I've had to tread carefully. I don't want to offend or irritate any other mothers out there. I don't want them to say, "Gosh, Cori always has something to say!" Or, "She thinks she is such an expert." 

Believe me - I know I'm not an expert. I just worry sometimes that my mouth gets ahead of my mind. So, I've come up with some rules for myself, about parenting advice:

1) If the mother seems uncomfortable with the conversation (or her face turns red), abandon your point and shush!

2) If the mother continues to stand up for what she does, she disagrees with you; abandon your point and shush!

3) If someone says they read it in a book, you, not the author of said book, are probably not going to change their mind.

4) Ask yourself, "Is this information helpful or are you just spouting off knowledge?" Sometimes I think I'm John Tesh and that I need to make everyone aware of what I have read or heard.....Sorry! I am most guilty of this!

5) Ask yourself, "Did this person ask for advice or does this seem like a good time to give advice?" If there wasn't a question before hand and there isn't a lingering pause of eye contact, they probably don't care for your in-depth advice. However, if it is a helpful tip, bring it on!

6) Ask yourself, "Is this lifestyle advice?" Because lets face it, you wouldn't talk religion to an atheist. Or, in baby terms, you aren't going to convince a cloth diapering momma that she should go with disposable.

7) If a mother does something and she feels the need to explain her actions to you, don't challenge it. She isn't asking for advice or approval. She is probably trying to nip your advice in the bud.

8) If the mother has more than one child, don't give her advice. She has probably been through it once already! Again, this applies unless it's a helpful tip that you read about on....say....Pinterest. :)

Wait a minute. Am I giving advice on giving advice? Oh, the irony.

I just find it very interesting. Advice is probably one of the most hot-button issues with new mothers. I've read about it, heard about it, and experienced it as well. All mothers want to feel like they are doing their absolute best for their little one. It is tough to hear others give advice; it sometimes seems like criticism. And, I'm not too sure that "constructive criticism" is allowed in parenting...

Now, what did we all learn today?

You make your mistakes and I'll make mine.

Okay, okay, enough of the lecture. I'm not even sure where it came from. It all started from me wondering where the line is. When is it okay and when is it offensive? We shall never know.

Maybe we should just all have our babies wear this:

Until next time...Happy Wednesday!

Unsolicited Advice

No - this won't be a complaint session about people telling me how to parent, completely unsolicited.  Like today when I was told by someone that I should just take Lucy's pacifier away and she'll learn to live without it. Or, that Lucy should be in pull-ups already; this particular person had "both of her boys potty trained by 18 months." Of course she echoed "boys!" after that.

Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, I could continue on; but, this is a post about me giving you unsolicited advice. haha.

Don't let your children hang out in the front seat of the car when it's not moving (and definitely not when it is moving!). It will result in:

1) A tantrum when being put back in the car seat to drive home.

and

2) Passenger windows that look like this:

It's my father's worst nightmare! haha.

I give you that advice; but really, it certainly does make waiting in the car at the grocery store more bearable and Sonic eating in the car easier! 

Windows wash and tantrums last only a few blocks. But, chil-cheese tot stains on tan interior last forever. :)