The Decision to be a Stay-At-Home Mom

I have been a stay-at-home mother (SAHM) for almost four years. That seems kind of crazy to even type. Four years. Wow. While I feel like I am finally getting the hang of being a SAHM, I also am not at all getting the hang of it. I am convinced that I may never be used to this ever-changing role that I have taken on. Life is that way, though, right? As soon as you feel like you have established some type of routine, you get that curve ball that resets everything.

(Type A cringe of grand proportion)

I have been wanting to address my/our decision for me to stay home ever since the decision was made. 

I’m telling you now, this post will be long - like six Word pages long. And, before I jump in, I am gonna say that I am in no way trying to guilt working mothers or convince them to stay home. I think you are amazing and I am in awe of you every day. I have been blessed to be both a working mother and a SAHM. Both are awesome and make me proud to be a woman/mother. As Beyonce would ask, "Who run the world?!"

The first time Heath and I discussed me becoming a stay-at-home mother, I had just had Lucy and was returning to work after an eight-week maternity leave. I struggled putting Lucy in daycare. If you at all read my blog back in 2011, you know how much I struggled. I just couldn’t get over it. But, many other apprehensions won out each time it was discussed and, well, I continued to work. With Olive’s birth, we visited the discussion again. At this point, we had become quite financially “comfortable,” and the idea seemed even further from a reality. I actually liked my job at that time and the people I worked with. The daycare was in my building and since Heath worked at the same place, we rode to and from work together. It really was a great situation for a working mother. It seemed stupid to walk away from something so seemingly ideal.

Then, without going into much detail, I became unhappy in my working role. It became very apparent to me, and every single person around me, that it was time for me to transition to something else. That very difficult point in my life was what pushed me to make the decision that I had been avoiding for many years – five years actually. I was pregnant with our youngest and again, Heath asked me, “Do you want to stay home?”

Every time I heard that question uttered, I immediately became nervous. I can distinctly recall moments in the car, on the way home from work, physically trembling with fear just talking about it. I had several concerns, and fears, and irrational worries. I have decided to share a few with you. Or, maybe ten...

1)      Money

The number one concern was an obvious one – money. We needed to figure out if we could even make it work, financially. I knew that we could, in a grand sense. However, we had certainly become accustomed to a certain lifestyle. Were we ready to take that cut?

Four years later…
I do not take this point of discussion lightly. Honestly, when it comes to a two-income family, having one of them stay at home is sometimes not even an option. The fact that it was even a consideration for us, was and is a blessing.

At first, it was a huge adjustment that we took on as a challenge. It was actually kind of fun. I took my monthly “allowance” and knew that with every dollar saved, I could celebrate with that money – a night out, a new gadget, some type of splurge, and so on. I wasn’t sure if I could keep up the momentum, but was willing to give it a go. Thankfully, we saved a lot of money right away. Daycare for three children was going to be about 30-40% of my salary anyway. So, there was a huge savings. And, I didn’t need to buy work clothes any longer. My dream of living in Target yoga pants and cheap sweatshirts was now a reality. But, most of all, we were no longer using our money to make us happy.

When I was working, I became extremely unhappy. I was stressed, and pregnant, and working in graduate school, and took my anger/sadness/discontentment home with me every single night. We got home at 5:30 PM, unloaded and settled in by 6 PM, and the last thing I wanted to do was put a meal on the table. So, we ordered out a lot. A lot. I mean, A LOT. I think we were spending almost $600 a month on just eating out. We would justify it with working so hard. We had also started justifying big splurges too. When you work your ass off and are unhappy, you buy things to try and fill your cup. You feel like you deserve it; you work all the time and deserve to use some of it on something that makes you happy, right?  Well, we immediately stopped doing that. Mostly because we had to; but, we soon realized that we didn’t need to anymore. With me staying home, we were now happy without the splurging; we were content.

I must also mention that we were very fortunate in our path. It wasn’t long after I started staying home that Heath applied for and received a new job. It has been an amazing blessing in our lives in so many ways. Moreover, it did relieve quite a bit of the financial strain as well. Then, I applied for and received the opportunity to teach online courses as an adjunct faculty member at a local institution. It is sporadic and not a guaranteed income, but it helps financially (and I love it and hope to elaborate more on that another time).

2)      Judgment from other People – Society

I kept wondering what other people might think about my decision. Would everyone think I was lazy? Would they think that I got fired? Would they think that I wasn’t smart enough? And also, for me, I was in the middle of a graduate program. The idea that I might start staying home and not “using” my degree, at least right away, seemed silly.

Four years later…
I still struggle with this. Because, let’s be honest, society is judgmental. SAHMs and working mothers both get judgement. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. For me, I am very insecure about this point in particular. When I thought about people asking me what I did for a living, I would feel sick. How could I say, “I stay at home”? Looking back, I think I may have judged SAHMs a bit too. I don’t even know why exactly; I guess it felt like the “right side” to be on. I blame ignorance. 

The entire idea of being scared of what society might think makes me laugh now. As I have become more comfortable in this role, and found other BA SAHMs out there, I don’t feel embarrassed or apologetic. I feel empowered and ready to fight ‘em on it. I am not lazy. I am educated. I am organized. And, WE ARE HAPPY. Period. That is all that matters. It was right for our family. It isn’t right for everyone. But, for us, it is.

3)      Judgment from other People – Our Family

Thinking about how Heath’s family might react scared me. Would they think that I was “taking advantage” of him? Would they think I should be doing more, financially, to contribute? And, of course, would they think I was just being lazy?

Four years later…
I was absolutely terrified to tell our family that I was going to be staying home. I made Heath tell his parents. I stressed how important it was for him to let them know he was supportive of the idea. Because, that was KEY. If he didn’t support the idea, it wouldn’t work. While I “run the show” at home. None of this is even possible without Heath. I acknowledge that and probably don’t thank him enough for it. 

In the beginning, while everyone was nice about it, I could see the fear in their eyes. They were scared for us. We had a nice home, I was in graduate school, and we had a third baby on the way. No one really knew what our finances were; but, I’m sure it appeared scary from the outside! The fear was again reignited when we decided to take on a fixer-upper, and had two mortgages for a brief period.

You can really only do so much to give family comfort. It took time, I think, before they could see that we are doing alright. And, it took time to see how much happier we became. 

4)      What if I am not meant to be a SAHM?

What if the idea of staying home seems great, but I wasn’t meant for it? I am not much of a “kid person” - really. That sounds terrible; but, I’m not. I ruled out being an Elementary School Teacher many, many years ago. So, what if I was just not built for this? What if I quit my job and hated being at home? It’s not like you can just go back to your old job and be like, “Ooops. Never mind.” And, finding a new job that I liked and was paid similarly was not guaranteed. 

Four years later…
If I said that my first months were easy, I’d be lying. It takes some time to get used to being at home. I felt guilty for any second that I wasn’t doing something. I would basically follow the kids around, picking up anything and everything, making sure the house was spotless. Moments that I now realize are necessary for recharging and sanity, I would fill with multiple activities each day. While Heath never said a word to me about it, I always felt this immense pressure to have the house looking beautiful and have dinner on the table when he came home. That was my new job, right?

Heath has said many, many times that he doesn’t expect anything. And, thank the Lord for him, because you know what? Life still happens. Some days I don’t get everything done. And, sometimes things come up. And, sometimes the kids have bad days. And, sometimes I have bad days. And, sometimes we make frozen pizza for dinner. When I finally embraced that idea, I embraced the reason for staying home. The priority for me was the kids.

Yes, staying home has also allowed me to get more things done during the day, to allow for more family time in the evenings. It allows me to be more involved with the kids’ school lives. And, I could list about a billion other things it gives me the opportunity to do. Bottom line is: I gambled and I won. I love staying at home. And, also, after being at home…I’m still not a kid person. Turns out, you don’t have to be. I just have to be a “my kids” person.

5)      Adult Interaction

Being a working mother, you aren’t necessarily privy to all of the SAHM mother programs or activities, day-time volunteer opportunities, or who to even call for play-dates. Everyone I was really good friends with and all of my family, at that time, worked. I would be at home with a 2.5 year old and a baby full-time; my five year old would be there when not in school. Could Heath carry the entire load of my conversational yearning?

Four years later…
I struggled a lot in the first year. I had a newborn too; so, that may have been a lot of the issue. But, mostly, I was not familiar with the SAHM “scene.” Where do I meet other moms? Is there an app that will match me with them? Swipe left? Right?

It was a blessing that a friend of mine suggested our local MOPs group (Moms of Preschoolers). We meet once a month and I absolutely love it. I look so forward to the meetings; but, it has linked me to other SAHMs in the area. I now have a weekly women’s group I attend, and many numbers to text for impromptu play dates.

SAHM full-disclosure: playdates are totally not for the kids, y’all. They are for our sanity. And, maybe a tiny bit for the kids…I mean, they usually sleep better burning off all that energy...

I also decided to just be more open to social interaction. If another mom started up a conversation at t-ball practice, I welcomed it. I never had a reason to seek out new friendships before. Now, it seems like I have so many, and I have so many people to reach out to for anything. My support system grew considerably! 

I don’t like to give advice, but I’m gonna. (Actually, I love to give advice, but acknowledge, like, who am I to be giving advice? Anyway, here is my advice…) If you are invited to something, go. I mean, if the only thing that keeps you from going is social anxiety and the fear of being awkward, then please try it. I am SO awkward. You have no idea! And, I am so glad I chose to say yes and to go. The first couple of times are scary and weird; but, you WILL figure out who you have commonalities with. It won’t take long before you…dare I say it?... "find your tribe.”

6)      My Husband Might Resent Me

I worried that Heath my start to resent me at some point. The first time we had to say no to a purchase, because it wasn’t in the budget, would he be mad that I wasn’t working? Seeing other people go on expensive vacations or buying this or that, would he be upset with our decision? And, when I was able to sleep-in, or do something fun with the kids, would he be angry that I got to do it and not him? 

Four years later…
Heath truly might resent me. In the depths of his soul, there may be some resentment. I don’t know unless he tells me. And, I check in on it from time to time. Heath consistently tells me that he is happy with our set-up, that I can stay home with our children. He is happy with all of it. And, I believe him. I know that there is always the possibility that he may someday change his tune. So, I just make sure that I remember such. I try to make extra time for him. I try to be thoughtful. And, I say, “Yes, you deserve it,” when he suggests buying something for himself – most of the time that is…

7)      A Resume Gap

I had a big worry that I would have a resume gap, which I wasn’t even sure at that time how big of a gap that might be! I was concerned that when I decided to jump back into the workforce, people wouldn’t respect the gap and my reason for it – especially men. And, was I ready to start out at a base salary again, and being older this time around?

Four years later…
As mentioned, I was fortunate enough to eventually start a part-time gig. But, before that, I decided to keep my resume alive by volunteering. I was able to apply for and get a position on a local board for a non-profit organization. It was something that related to my work experience, was something that I was passionate about, and gave me an outlet for that yearning to work. That last part probably sounds silly. But, after my first couple of meetings, I told Heath, I just liked the strategic thought and being able to use my work experience and degree in some way. It was a nice fulfillment for me. I got to be successful outside the home as well.

I have also become so comfortable in my role at home that I've become quite defiant about it. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. The more you love your decisions, the less you care what other people think about them. So, if you stay home and you have a resume gap, and a potential boss doesn’t respect it, then what does that say about them? It would indicate that they aren’t going to be A) a decent person to work for, or B) understanding when it comes to family needs. So, maybe you don’t want to work for them anyway… 

8)      I Cheated My Older Children

Since I didn’t make this decision earlier, when my girls were born, if I stayed home with the youngest, did I cheat the others? Will this make me even sadder about missing out on the time my girls spent at daycare? 

Four years later…
I don’t know if I can or will ever overcome this insecurity. Because it is just that. It is something that I personally deal with. I know other mothers who did the opposite of me; they stayed home with older children and then worked while the younger ones went to daycare. And, what it comes down to is doing what is right for our families. I believe in God’s plan and His timing. We weren’t necessarily in the position for me to stay home before, and I don’t know if I would appreciate staying home as much had I not experienced what I did. God is in control and I’ll know if and when it’s time to make another shift.

9)      Am I Thickening that Glass Ceiling?

I had previously experienced outright sexism in the workplace, more than once. I won’t go into details; but, I was told that since I was a female and someone else was a male, that [this] is how it was going to be. If I quit, was I just perpetuating the stereo-type? It felt like by staying home, I was telling everyone that I “wasn’t right for the workplace” and “my place was at home.” 

Four years later…
Turns out, my place is at home - but, not for the reasons that sexist turd-bag implied…

I don’t believe that SAHMs are “less-than.” And, maybe I am perpetuating some stereo-type by staying home. But, I believe that I could become the first female president tomorrow, and those stereo-types will still exist. All I can do is continue to fight for women who want to do more, and empower my girls. We don’t have to do ALL things that men do. But, we should be able try, if we want, right? And, it goes the other way too, men. Stay-at-home Dads, are ya with me?!

10)   Independence

If I stayed home, I would be 100% financially dependent on Heath. I trust my husband. I do. Really. But, giving up all independence is kinda terrifying. What if I stay home, face many of the aforementioned concerns, and then Heath finds himself a 20-something-hottie to leave me for? To Heath, this concept is laughable. Literally, every time I have mentioned this idea, he laughs at me. I didn’t, or don’t, truly believe it would happen. But, I mean…I am a realist as well and I am not going to say that it is impossible. I would be trying to jump back into the work-force and adjusting to my own, likely lower than before, female (78 cents on the dollar) salary - all while adjusting to all the other issues a separation brings. 

It was a very small, in the depths of my mind, concern.

Four years later…
I have to trust Heath. I have to let go and let God. There are some things you just can’t obsess about. This, coming from someone who obsesses about everything! But, really, I can’t dwell on an insecurity. If I continue to work on my marriage, and just keep trying, then I can feel content with my efforts. You can only do so much; I am not in control of other people’s actions, and I never will be – no matter how much I would like to be sometimes. So, I try my best and that’s all I can do. And, I respect that.

_____________________________________________

It might be time, or age. But, I am finding comfort and contentment with my decisions. My life. My thoughts. All of it. I know that our life can turn upside down at any minute. I’ve witnessed it. I just continue to have faith in my family, my support system, myself, and most importantly, God. 

And again, working moms, you are killin' it. The grass is green over here. But, your grass is green too. Different greens, but both green. I promise.

I Ran a 5K Once...

Hopefully this isn't something that my future self will say. I hope to run more than just one 5K in my life. But, for the time being, I finished one and for me that is a huge accomplishment.

As you all know, I sometimes run for a short workout. Said run is usually one, possibly two, miles. It never goes longer than two miles. Three miles? Ha.

I'll be honest, I never really used to like running. But, I think it just took me this long to figure it out - if that makes any sense. I've learned to pace myself, adjust my breathing, etc.

But, with this run and the photos that were taken, I've learned even more:

• I can do something if I really put my mind to it.
• Awesome Possum is a great team name. People loved it. They really did!

•  Blue doesn't glow under black lights (told you, Heath).
• A glow necklace might snap when curved tightly - it might just snap while looped through the laces on your shoe.
• Watch where you are walking. Mud holes can be anywhere, even downtown Lincoln.
• Sitting on the cement post race will leave sweaty butt prints.
• You can get rid of said butt prints by "accidentally" spilling water on it.
• My post-run food of choice is cheese crackers with peanut butter.
• I tend to hold my thumbs like Marsha Brady when I run. :(

•  I don't look good running...at all.

•  Hannah is a great cousin. Alright, so I already knew this. But, she stayed with me the whole run and would cheer me on. She was really the only one to congratulate me and acted proud of me. :) It made me feel really good. Heath? Couldn't care less. I had to fish for compliments...even then, they weren't real keepers...

And, doesn't the lady in pink look like she wants to pass me? We just crossed the finish line lady...get a grip.

Here are some other pictures of the night:

 Heath finishing. Good form, Hunny!

Jason finishing, like he just freaking ran a 40...

Tom and Jari finishing, together. Aww...of course Jari is smiling. By the way, Jari, I am super impressed that those glasses lasted the whole race!

Looking good, considering...

Post-race team picture! Tom and Jari...get a room...just kidding...haha...

The guys got flagged down to take a picture because of their awesome shirts....awesome possum shirts that is.

And, now, my favorite pic of the whole thing.

Jason - why are you so wet? And, why are you two in an embrace? Runnin' bros...Heath, this is the most genuine smile of the whole night! Haha

I encourage anyone to do this. Push yourselves and your boundaries. I want to do another, just to prove to myself that I can. I ran the entire thing, without walking. I didn't think I could. I did.

We'll see if I can do another soon, before I become too completely out of shape again (although that might have already happened).

Have a great weekend everyone!

Dear...

Dear Readers...I am fully aware that I am absent from this blog and have been for months now. I keep promising you that I will change and I continue my evil ways. Sorry. I look at it this way - it's better to write a few times a month than not at all. Truth be told - I have had this particular post prepped and almost ready to go for several weeks now. (tsk-tsk)

Dear Lucy...fedoras are in. Or, well, at least they were last year. I don't know if they are still. But, they have been "in" fairly recently. So, when you get older, don't ridicule me. You love this hat. In fact, you picked it out yourself. It's a Fe-"Dora" hat. Love that joke!

Dear Readers...I often feel compelled to use "haha" and "LOL" on my blog. As you have probably noticed as well, I usually give into this temptation. I have also used emoticons against my better "writing-style" judgement [  :)  ;)  :(  ]. But, lately, my overwhelming urge to use slang and hashtags is getting the best of me.  
<--see i="">
Dear Everyone...I am completely obsessed with coral lately. It's serious. I LOVE it. I think it may have taken over my red obsession. #Legit

Look at the clothing that I am trying on, hanging to my right. Seriously obsessed!

 

Dear Work...You need to be a little less stressful. I'm trying to grow out my nails and you are making it very difficult. Any time I stop typing, I'm biting my nails. Darn!

Dear Olive...Your cry-smiling is very confusing. Are you happy or sad? I don't know what to do! (Come to find out, you just want to be held.) :)

Dear Twitter...You got me. I'm addicted. You've taken over Pinterest. But, I still love Pinterest for great organization and decor tips.

Dear Curly-Haired People...What in the world am I to do with this? It's sooo naturally curly! :)

Dear Summer...Why do you and winter want to take over spring? What did he ever do to you? Let him go...

Dear Olive...You look like me. Some may say its a curse. I say it's a blessing. ;) I love that you look like me, especially when you make your "duh" face. I don't know how I feel about that part though. Does that mean that I look "duh" most of the time?


Dear Readers...Although I often times promise things, I sincerely think you can look forward to posts about the zoo, graduate school, running, and of course the girls! :) I have some in progress!

Dear Jari, Hannah, & Nikki...Vegas was amazing and I can't wait to go back again. Seriously, lets do it again. #srsly

Dear Anyone Who Loves Food as Much as I Do...If you love a good cheeseburger and homemade onion rings, you need to find yourself a Johnny Rockets. It is delicious. I may or may not have eaten there three days in a row, while in Vegas. The closest one to us is like hours and hours away. But, I tweeted them and they promised me that they will eventually get to Kansas City. Haha. They are also "Home of the Las Vegas Squealer - with cheddar cheese." The Squeeler is 60% beef and 40% bacon. That sounds awesome, but my lack of gallbladder won't let me eat bacon. Whomp-whomp.

  Dear June...Where did you come from?! Wasn't it just May 1st?

Lucy's Love Triangle

Now, Lucy is a little confused about the concept, since she will occasionally refer to boys as her 'girlfriend' as well. Nonetheless, she considers herself to have "boyfriends" at DayCare.

It all started when Lucy was a baby. She has gone full-time to DayCare since she was 6 weeks old. Also at DayCare? Her friend Max, who is also a full-time "go-er." Remember Max? :)

We've given Lucy some grief about Max, her "boyfriend." She actually liked this concept. Well, she loved it. She would even call him that herself. She was even the only, non-family girl that went to his birthday party (she got him a Ninja Turtle - what else?).


 Then, one weekend she started saying things, like, "Let's do this, man." Or, "Yeah, dude."

I knew that there had to be a male influence at DayCare, possibly even Max. Of course there was! Lucy is really the only girl that is full-time. She is surrounded by boys her age; I can count eight boys her age off the top of my head. I know there are more. It results in her talking about Superman, Spiderman, Batman, and Ninja Turtles. It hasn't suppressed her love for pink and princesses, but it definitely broadens her view...

Then, one day when we picked Lucy up, another mother (my co-worker actually) was also picking up her children. Her youngest son, who is about 9 months or so older than Lucy puts his jacket on, turns to Lucy, and says, "See you later, man!"

Ah-ha.

The little boy's name is Bryson. I have noticed that Lucy has referenced him a lot lately. Bryson did this or Bryson did that. She even told me when Bryson was sick. She calls him, "By-sin."

So, the other day, Lucy, Olive, and I are waiting for Heath to come pick us up. Max and his mom come out. Max looks up at his mom and says, "Lucy's my girlfriend." It was adorable.

Lucy shouts, "No - Bryson my girlfriend!"

Max didn't seem to mind too much, he still smiled at Lucy with a big grin. Us mothers just laughed. Oh boy, it begins!

Move to later in the week, we went out to eat. We see Bryson and his family. Lucy stood almost the entire time, to see his table, while grinning coyly. I asked her, "Do you see Bryson?"

She says, "Yeah. I like By-sin. He's my favorite."

Later in the evening she told Heath that, "By-sin is sooooo cute."

I thought the whole thing was hilarious and adorable. Heath, on the other hand, didn't seem to really give it much attention. I think he was kind of thinking that this couldn't possibly be happening already.

So, there you have it - Lucy and her love triangle.

I have a feeling Max will be "her boyfriend" again soon, man. :)

Honest or Terror?

I entered DayCare to pick Lucy up the other day. Lucy was nowhere in sight, as I scanned the room. I heard a little commotion in the corner and heard a whine. I knew the whine didn't belong to Lucy; but, when I looked over there I could see Lucy's top-knot ponytail peeking over a playpen.

I walked over to the corner, to see one of Lucy's little friends sitting on the floor, whining. We will call her "Mary" for story's sake. Lucy was standing beside her.

Lucy looked at me, wide-eyed. I opened my mouth to ask what had happened and before I could, Lucy raised her arms up beside her head, palms up, and said, "I push Mary."

It was followed by a shoulder shrug, as she pulled the side of her mouth into her cheek. Then she dropped her arms, letting them slap her thighs, as she stared at Mary.

I was a little stunned at her immediate confession. I asked her if I understood correctly, "You pushed Mary?"

She nodded, just as wide-eyed as before - no remorse.

I, of course, started to tell her that pushing was very bad and to apologize to Mary. She and Mary hugged it out, as Lucy said she was sorry.

I asked, "Is Mary your friend?"

"Uh-huh."

"Do we push our friends?"

[blank stare]

I finally just said, "No. We don't."

As we started for the door, the director told me that Lucy always fesses up to it, "She always tells us what she did."

I thought, well that is good. At least she is honest. But, then, I remembered the wide-eyed look I was given. Is she honest? Or, does she not realize it's bad, so she doesn't think to lie? Honest or just a real terror?

Time will tell...Lucy the self-proclaimed pusher.

Baby Boom!

Two of my best friends are pregnant.

Also, I know at least three other women who are pregnant.

Four of the five women I've mentioned are due in January! Can you believe that?

My first thought is: what happened in April that I missed? :) No one can say that it was the long, cold winter. :)

I am so excited for my friends. Being pregnant, while sometimes nauseating and scary and irritating, is so wonderful. Bringing babies into the world seriously might be the most touching and miraculous thing ever! :) I am so excited to take part in their journeys.

The big question now that two of my best friends are pregnant?

"Cori - when are you going to have another one?"

I'll be honest - I had baby fever as soon as Lucy turned one year old. However, Heath and I knew that it just wasn't right for our family. I had to think rationally. That would just be too much for Heath and me. We want Lucy to be out of diapers (crossing-fingers) and in a big girl bed before we have another one. Having two babies in diapers and/or cribs, just isn't for me.

Seriously, no offense to anyone who likes children that close. I get it.

But, as most of you know, Lucy isn't even close to potty training yet. She did sit on the potty chair the other night though...with a diaper on. Small steps! :) And, we still need to lower her crib one more setting, because she is starting to monkey-climb.

We have a while. And, does all of this make me want to have a baby more? Or sooner? No - not really. This is their time. I will just share in their happiness and Lucy will get a sibling soon enough.

In the mean time I get to buy baby stuff! :) Yay! It is so fun to buy; I can't wait. I hope that one is having a boy and the other is having a girl; then, I could buy some of both!

I'll be sure to let you know how it goes and if my baby fever raises at all. :)

What do you think is the perfect age difference in children?

24 Hours?

Sometimes I just don't believe that there are 24 hours in my day.

I'm a momma.
I'm a wife.
I'm a family person.
I'm a friend.
I'm a full-time employee.
I'm a house cleaner.
I'm a cook.
I'm a chauffeur.
I'm a lover of television.
I'm a sleeper.
I'm a night person.
I'm a wanna-be exerciser.
I'm an on-again/off-again weight watcher.
I'm a lover of junk food.
I'm a shopper.
I'm an organizer.
I'm a coupon clipper.
I'm a blogger.

I sometimes just can't get the hang of things.

At work I am very organized. I mean it is borderline OCD ridiculous. I have two calendars, an electronic one and a paper one. I will plan time to "map out" my schedule, several times a year. I am always adding items to my 'To-Do' list and if I don't get them done that day, it moves to the next. Nothing ever goes undone.

At home? Sunday - fold the laundry. Didn't get it done. Monday - fold the laundry. Tuesday - fold the laundry. Nope. Let's just say - it still needs to be done and it's Thursday. Ugh!

Our bedroom looks like a small bomb went off in my closet. The laundry room and den are in serious need of organizing/cleaning. The closets are to a point where I am afraid items may fall on me when I open the doors! And, don't even get me started on the master bathroom. :{

The good thing is that from the "outside" it all looks good. :) The rooms that visitors see are pretty clean and organized! Kudos for that, right? Maybe...

I've been thinking about making a calendar/to-do list for home. I could plan out my cleaning and activities. Then, I would have more time to do, and less guilt about doing, the things I love!

You are probably thinking that I just need to give up some sleep and some television. I need to make the sacrifice that comes with the responsibility of being a mom and an adult....yada, yada, yada. That is all fine and dandy for a week or so. Then, I am at my wit's end. I get grumpy. I simply need some 'me' time. I have to get another hour of sleep sometimes. I have to just sit and stop moving sometimes. It keeps me sane. So, hopefully a plan or schedule could allow for both my selfish and non-selfish needs.

What do you think? Is this just another thing that will get pushed to the side? Will I stick to it like I did my last five diets? Time will tell. I need a plan first.

Any tips on how to juggle all the many roles we have? And, keep our sanity? I'll let you know how it goes...

Play-Date Gone Selfish

Last night we had a play date. My friend, Crystal, and her son, Ty, came over for dinner. It's been ages since we've seen them and really got to sit and talk. So, we invited them over for supper (chicken alfredo with garlic cheese bread - yum!) and to try out the new playroom.

When they were littler, they basically just tried to eat each other. Ty would try to bite on Lucy's shoulder and she would try to poke him in the eye. They were a mess. haha. Therefore, we tried to keep them at a pretty good distance, just sharing toys and/or food.

Now, I was excited! Ty and Lucy were old enough now that they could just roam the playroom. They could just go crazy. Sure, they might poke each other a little bit; but, after seeing Lucy run over by a plastic car, I thought she could handle it. Plus, Lucy is a product of Daycare! She plays with other children all the time and usually lights up around them! She would be super social.

Or, so I thought...

When Ty and Crystal first arrived, Lucy and Ty were super shy. They just looked at each other.  It only took a few seconds after I turned off Elmo's World, for them to warm up. Lucy walked up to Ty, hit him on the shoulder, he turned around, and she said, "Hi!"

I was so proud! Yay! She was being sweet and social.

When it was time for dinner, they sat across the table from each other. They didn't really "talk" to each other; but, they giggled back and forth a lot. A lot! It was like it was contagious.

Again, yay! She is being social and smiley!

Then, we went to the playroom.

She got so upset with almost everything Ty played with. She specifically clung onto a doll stroller and a blow-up ball, trying to hold onto them both at the same time. If Ty would even put his hand on them, Lucy would squeal at the top of her lungs, very high pitched. Then, she would try to pull it away or hit his hand off.

I was seriously shocked. I had never seen her do that before! Of course I have seen the familiar fit, when we take something away from her. But, I had never witnessed jealousy like this! All I could do was apologize. I just could not believe her behavior.

Then it dawned on us. Perhaps she is like that at Daycare! She just might have turned into a selfish, fit-thrower. We made sure to ask Daycare first thing this morning.

"Does Lucy share?"

"Does she take other childrens' toys away?"

Thank goodness they answered, "Yeah, she shares," and, "No, not really."

We realized that it was all about her own toys - toys that we didn't realize at all that she had an, apparently deep, affinity for! Well, she hasn't ever really had another child in her playroom. She hasn't really ever had to share her toys at home, except with us. So, I guess we wouldn't have known until now.

Who would have known Lucy was a little selfish and was in need of a lesson about sharing?

Heath told her, "Elmo wouldn't be very proud of you right now, Lucy."

Hopefully we can work on it and invite Ty over again some time, if he wants to! We'll see how it goes!

Side note:
I got a new blog design, obviously! Our friend Justin did it for us! And, my wonderful husband helped with incorporating it. Didn't they do a great job? What do you think?  

Also, I got a new button! If you have taken the previous one (the very few of you out there), please replace it with the new one! :) It's a lot cuter! Thanks for the support!

Email subscribers: You will have to stop by and see the new look!

Life’s Little Blessings – Babies!

One of my good friends just had her baby yesterday! And, ah, the feelings it brings up for me. I am immediately taken back to Lucy’s birth and how it seems like so long ago. I know – it sounds ridiculous. She is only 16 weeks old. However, it was such a whirlwind of emotions that I have a hard time remembering one specific moment. The moments that do stick in my mind are odd. It is funny how the mind works.

I am not sure why, but once I realized that the pain I was feeling were actual contractions, I was weirdly calm. I was excited about Lucy making her way into this world! But, the amount of pain I would soon be feeling never really dawned on me. Yes, the contractions at home were painful, but not that bad in comparison to what I would later feel. That is something I remember well – the first really painful contraction. Once checked into the hospital and into my stylish gown, I went to the bathroom to splash water on my face. I had been walking up and down the stairs trying to progress labor and the radiators had the temperature at least 100 degrees; I’m sure of it! During my attempt to cool down,…bam. For some reason I thought that if I wiggled around enough I could relieve the ‘cramp.’ So, immediately I started hunching over, squatting, and ended up grasping the handicap assistance bar and thinking I was going to rip it out of the wall.

The next things I remember include being annoyed by Heath standing in front of my ‘focus picture’ during a horrible contraction, watching the scene from Sweet Home Alabama when she shows up at Jake’s house(while trying to sleep), then next thing I knew I was holding my baby girl.

The feeling of looking at that tiny baby that you carried around for so long, knowing that they already love you with all of their little heart, and trying to talk your brain into understanding that you actually created this miracle is amazing.

So, when I heard that my friend’s water broke, I was ecstatic for her. I knew that she was about to experience one of the most wonderful things that she will ever experience. But, it was 7 weeks early. I was terrified for her and sad about how she must have felt. I immediately felt blessed and silly for begging Lucy to come early. I didn’t want to bother her, so I compulsively checked Facebook and texts for updates…nothing. Then, an update - she had to get an emergency C-Section. My heart raced for her and I did some serious praying.

On May 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm, her son was born. A healthy, almost 6 pound baby boy made his parents’ life complete! A later update claimed he was eating and didn’t need to be on oxygen. It was a true miracle for a 7 week premature baby, truly a miracle.

I thought a lot about it. Her experience was so much different than mine. I felt oddly reassured, and annoyed with Heath and the pain. She had to be scared and willing to feel any pain to guarantee well-being for her baby boy. But, it doesn’t matter now. Two different experiences; but, one wonderful outcome, life’s blessing – a baby.