I am currently in the process of reading Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis. I’ve
been reading it for a few months now.
A few months?
Yes, it has been a slow process. It isn’t because I haven’t
enjoyed the book. In fact, there were times when I didn’t want to put it down. But, I have been reading it with a group of
women that I meet with weekly. I call them my “women’s group.”
(I am very
creative with names, obviously.)
It is a small group of young, Christian
mothers, who are wanting to…well….do better – in life, as a wife, as a mother,
and in the eyes of Christ. We want to feel like our paths have purpose and
bring us closer to God.
This group started when we were presented with the book and
study guide for The Purpose Driven Life…
As a mom, you sometimes lose sight of yourself, and wonder what your purpose
is.
Is it possible that being the mother to Lucy, Olive, and
Henry is what I was meant for? Am I supposed to be doing something bigger? More
grandeur?
All questions that can sometimes be daunting during my late
night, anxiety-driven talks with God. So, one of my friends decided to start
this group, asking other women who attend our church to join. We started
reading the book and meeting once a week to discuss the study guide questions.
Since then, we have moved from book to book, reading and discussing, while
finding imperative support in one-another. I absolutely love that group of ladies and I don’t ever want our “women’s group”
to end.
With that being said, we recently decided to read Girl, Wash Your Face. While it isn’t
necessarily a Christian book, we felt like it would align with our stages in
life right now. We found a study guide online and dove in, just before the
holidays. As you can imagine, with the holidays, we didn’t meet as regularly.
Then, sickness hit, and our meetings have been spottier and spottier. It
happened last year at this time and it will happen again next year.
We started with one chapter a week. Then, we began to double-up.
With so many cancelled meetings, I have truly just lost track of the chapters. I
have no clue what one we are supposed to be on for our next meeting (when we
can all actually make it!). I am considering just finishing the book, to be
prepped whenever we meet again. But, there is another reason I am trying not to
read ahead.
You see, I think a lot. I am completely fascinated by
people, by society, and why we do what we do. I can barely observe anything, or
read or hear about anything without immediately trying to dissect the motives,
perspectives, effects, etc. It’s a curse, perhaps. And, as I read Rachel’s
words, I have so much to say! I have so much to ask, discuss, add to, or even challenge.
I think of how I can incorporate her tips, and add my own “things that worked
for me.”
When I prepare to write a blog, right after reading her
book, my thoughts get clouded and the thoughts that she has provoked creep in.
And, I don’t ever want what I put out into the world to mimic or reiterate what
someone else has already done. I want to make sure my thoughts are my own, and
inspired by my own continual yearning to “do better.”
And…….wasn’t that a long-winded way of getting to my point?
Because, that is
my point…I think.
Rachel Hollis, and about a zillion other authors, have made
thousands of dollars on writing books that inspire us or teach us to “do better.”
While Rachel makes us feel positive about our efforts, she provides us all with
ways to improve certain aspects of our life – tips that require effort. Tips
that require trying.
This is a concept that I am still getting used to, believe
it or not.
For years, I have expected to have certain things in my life
come easily. And, while there are certainly ebbs and flows, most things are
difficult at some point. Relationships, jobs, parenting, time-management,
cooking, confidence, health, and so on. All things, including Rachel’s tips, need
work and require a lot of “trying” on our part.
My last post was about parenting, and that if I just keep
trying to do better, then I will be happy with that. And today, as I was
driving, I was thinking about marriage.
Sometimes, I get so upset with Heath when he brings up
something that he is bothered by, no matter how major or minuscule it is. I will make a suggestion to Heath about
something, like, “Hey! Don’t put your cup there. It drives me nuts.”
Very subtle.
Then, he generally apologizes and we move on. But, when
Heath make a suggestion to me, like, “Don’t pull so far forward in the garage”…well,
I don’t always handle it the best.
And, when Heath makes a suggestion that is even more than
just making a conscious effort to park better, like asking me to sit by him to
watch a movie or give him more affection, I really
don’t handle it well.
(Side note: I am not a very “touchy person;” it’s a work in
progress. And, I realize it is likely a character flaw.)
Heath makes very warranted, and by most standards easy, requests. But, for some reason, I
get irritated.
As I watched the yellow dashes of the highway quickly
disappear beside the car, I came to a conclusion. I get mad because, I know he
is right and I know that it will require effort on my part. I realize that I am
going to have to try harder.
After a long day of waking the kids, getting them around for
school, making sure they have everything they need (snacks, lunch money, book
bags, gloves, hats, etc.), grading for my online classes, replying to emails,
cleaning the house, starting dinner, picking up the kids, playing with Henry,
taking care of the dogs, planning out our week, making grocery lists, sending
cards, paying bills, setting the table, helping the kids with their homework,
and so-on, and so-on, and so-on…I just don’t know if I have the energy to try
even more. I try so hard to be a good mom through my children’s eyes, through
Heath’s eyes, and through society’s eyes. I try to keep a clean house and cook
well for my family (my love language). I try to keep everything going and
running smoothly. I try, and I try, and I try. And, well, when Heath asks me to
try some more, I want to pull my hair out.
I know I should. Of course I should! Why should my marriage
take a back seat to anything else? It certainly should not. In fact, one could
argue that it is more important than parenting, and I wouldn’t completely
disagree. But, for me, it is the one thing that sometimes gets put on
auto-pilot. We co-exist A LOT. We are constantly having conversations about
things we should do to connect; we recognize the importance of working on us.
Yet, it is usually the first thing, for us, to lower on the list of priorities.
As I sit in this conclusion of mine, I realize life is so
exhausting because there is no end to the trying (on this earth, anyway). It isn’t
like I can just decide to be the best wife ever for….let’s say, even a year,
and then go back to complacency. It is something I will have to try at my whole
life. And, I really should be happy to.
But, I also need to try at a lot of other things, which don’t
go away either – parenting, familial relationships, friendships, my
relationship with God, my health, and just improving myself. There are
certainly days when I can be lazy about each and every one of them; but, overall,
I have to put forth effort. I have to try, if I want to find my happiness.
While this entire concept and realization is kind of a hard
one to swallow, because I really dreamed of day that I can just be content with
my life and have all of the “work” behind me, I think it’s a good epiphany for
me to have. Once I accept the true effort required to foster these aspects of
my life, I can do better. And, I know that they are all so very worth it.
Practice makes perfect, and I’m gonna give it hell. Here is to more effort, and to more trying.
