DayCare Blues

Lucy has started whining every once in a while, when we take her to DayCare. It makes me sad. At least once a week, sometimes twice, when we pull up to the building she starts whining or crying, "No. No K and J."  (Those are the two ladies that run the daycare.)

It breaks me heart. I wish I could stay home with her. I wish she had the option at least. It makes me sad all over again. To be honest, I have been getting a lot better with the idea of Lucy going to daycare. She is developing wonderfully and learning so, so many things! This kind of takes me back to when she was little and I constantly thought about all that I was missing out on...

After a lot of thought, I'll admit it. If I were a stay-at-home mom, Lucy would probably not be as educationally advanced as she is. I don't know if I would seriously take as much time teaching her songs, the alphabet, dances or skits, shapes, etc. Of course I would put forth the effort to teach her things, as we continue to do even though she goes to daycare. But, her life at daycare is so structured. Everyday she has class time, and singing, and arts and crafts, and so on.

I cannot say that if I stayed home with her that I would do that. I see all these things around the house that I would also like to take the time to do. I want to stay home with Lucy; but, I also want to clean, and organize, and craft, and cook...in addition to the fun projects and activities I could do with Lucy. I'd love to grocery shop during the day (unheard of!), and visit museums, get involved with the community, and go on picnics. While working, it just doesn't seem that there is ever enough time... (insert pathetically depressed expression here).

I am once again on that fence of daycare being a very good thing; but, I sometimes wish I could stay home with her too. I have a feeling that when Olive arrives, it will be even worse.

I see how organized my life is at work and I imagine it like that at home - having a schedule, structured to-do list, meal planning, budgeting, weekly outings with Lucy, actually sending out birthday and anniversary cards on time...etc, etc, etc. Perhaps someday I can figure out the balance that I desire. As of now, I really put all of my organizational thoughts into work. By time I get home, I can't remember what my to-do list consisted of or I lost that note I shoved in my purse, or better yet, I simply don't have the energy anymore.

I am young and perhaps I will get there. I just have to keep trying. I know another child will only add to the mix. Then, we can throw in dieting and exercising too.

Someday...