Not a good funk, like The Commodores. A bad funk. My head is in the clouds. My brain is in a fog. My mind is...well, you get the idea.
A piece of my heart has traveled to Texas. And, I'm having a pretty rough time with it.
As most of you know, my dad recently got married and decided to move to Texas. Family, and specifically my dad, is very important to me. I'm sure you've realized my emphasis on family throughout the last year of posts. To add to the problem, I'm not that big on change. Sorry Obama.
When my dad decided to move, I was angry. I consistently fought my sarcastic, surly side; I wanted to say something hurtful or smart alecky. I knew that saying something mean wouldn't make him stay; but, perhaps it would remain in his mind forever. And, that is the reason I held a lot back. I didn't want him to have another reason to leave, like me being mean.
I didn't just hold the anger back. I held the sadness back. It's a common trait among my family members. We're not big on giving into painful emotion. It's much easier to pretend those feelings don't exist. Unhealthy? Absolutely. I have tried to work on it though. My psychology degree forces me to.
The day my dad left, I cried; however, I refused to let it sink in. He's not really moving. He'll be back soon. This is all temporary. My heart and my brain were in constant battle that day, trying to allow the truth in, while avoiding the emotion.
The first week he was gone, I did alright. We had gone a week without seeing each other; so, it was easy to pretend. The second week, it started to really set in. Things I normally held on to, to show him or to tell him about, I realized I would have to do over the telephone or Skype. He wouldn't be stopping by again after work.
Look at me. I talk like someone passed away, right? Whoa is me. But, it seriously is a big deal to me.
I was already feeling down about my dad leaving, then September 11th came and I watched all the horrible coverage, things that I tried to avoid and forget years ago, and then, my brother-in-law got into a terrible accident. It was all a bit too much for my emotion.
I slowly fell into a funk - a deep, sad, funk.
We had a good weekend and somehow, today, I feel uplifted. I am not even sure why. I just am. Perhaps it's a turning point for me. Let's cross our fingers.
With the, hopefully steep, incline of my mood, there should be some more blog posts. Perhaps it's fall quickly approaching (heck - it might already be here!), that has me smiling. The leaves are falling, the windows are open, and I'm listening to the sweet sounds of football fans and broadcasters. Halloween is near. I have lots of plans for the next month and I'll be sure to share them all with you.
Sorry about the funk. And, I promise to get back with it soon. I will also include the final videos of my running challenge - like I've promised.
Happy September 19th! Smile everyone. It only gets better.
