The Decision to be a Stay-At-Home Mom

I have been a stay-at-home mother (SAHM) for almost four years. That seems kind of crazy to even type. Four years. Wow. While I feel like I am finally getting the hang of being a SAHM, I also am not at all getting the hang of it. I am convinced that I may never be used to this ever-changing role that I have taken on. Life is that way, though, right? As soon as you feel like you have established some type of routine, you get that curve ball that resets everything.

(Type A cringe of grand proportion)

I have been wanting to address my/our decision for me to stay home ever since the decision was made. 

I’m telling you now, this post will be long - like six Word pages long. And, before I jump in, I am gonna say that I am in no way trying to guilt working mothers or convince them to stay home. I think you are amazing and I am in awe of you every day. I have been blessed to be both a working mother and a SAHM. Both are awesome and make me proud to be a woman/mother. As Beyonce would ask, "Who run the world?!"

The first time Heath and I discussed me becoming a stay-at-home mother, I had just had Lucy and was returning to work after an eight-week maternity leave. I struggled putting Lucy in daycare. If you at all read my blog back in 2011, you know how much I struggled. I just couldn’t get over it. But, many other apprehensions won out each time it was discussed and, well, I continued to work. With Olive’s birth, we visited the discussion again. At this point, we had become quite financially “comfortable,” and the idea seemed even further from a reality. I actually liked my job at that time and the people I worked with. The daycare was in my building and since Heath worked at the same place, we rode to and from work together. It really was a great situation for a working mother. It seemed stupid to walk away from something so seemingly ideal.

Then, without going into much detail, I became unhappy in my working role. It became very apparent to me, and every single person around me, that it was time for me to transition to something else. That very difficult point in my life was what pushed me to make the decision that I had been avoiding for many years – five years actually. I was pregnant with our youngest and again, Heath asked me, “Do you want to stay home?”

Every time I heard that question uttered, I immediately became nervous. I can distinctly recall moments in the car, on the way home from work, physically trembling with fear just talking about it. I had several concerns, and fears, and irrational worries. I have decided to share a few with you. Or, maybe ten...

1)      Money

The number one concern was an obvious one – money. We needed to figure out if we could even make it work, financially. I knew that we could, in a grand sense. However, we had certainly become accustomed to a certain lifestyle. Were we ready to take that cut?

Four years later…
I do not take this point of discussion lightly. Honestly, when it comes to a two-income family, having one of them stay at home is sometimes not even an option. The fact that it was even a consideration for us, was and is a blessing.

At first, it was a huge adjustment that we took on as a challenge. It was actually kind of fun. I took my monthly “allowance” and knew that with every dollar saved, I could celebrate with that money – a night out, a new gadget, some type of splurge, and so on. I wasn’t sure if I could keep up the momentum, but was willing to give it a go. Thankfully, we saved a lot of money right away. Daycare for three children was going to be about 30-40% of my salary anyway. So, there was a huge savings. And, I didn’t need to buy work clothes any longer. My dream of living in Target yoga pants and cheap sweatshirts was now a reality. But, most of all, we were no longer using our money to make us happy.

When I was working, I became extremely unhappy. I was stressed, and pregnant, and working in graduate school, and took my anger/sadness/discontentment home with me every single night. We got home at 5:30 PM, unloaded and settled in by 6 PM, and the last thing I wanted to do was put a meal on the table. So, we ordered out a lot. A lot. I mean, A LOT. I think we were spending almost $600 a month on just eating out. We would justify it with working so hard. We had also started justifying big splurges too. When you work your ass off and are unhappy, you buy things to try and fill your cup. You feel like you deserve it; you work all the time and deserve to use some of it on something that makes you happy, right?  Well, we immediately stopped doing that. Mostly because we had to; but, we soon realized that we didn’t need to anymore. With me staying home, we were now happy without the splurging; we were content.

I must also mention that we were very fortunate in our path. It wasn’t long after I started staying home that Heath applied for and received a new job. It has been an amazing blessing in our lives in so many ways. Moreover, it did relieve quite a bit of the financial strain as well. Then, I applied for and received the opportunity to teach online courses as an adjunct faculty member at a local institution. It is sporadic and not a guaranteed income, but it helps financially (and I love it and hope to elaborate more on that another time).

2)      Judgment from other People – Society

I kept wondering what other people might think about my decision. Would everyone think I was lazy? Would they think that I got fired? Would they think that I wasn’t smart enough? And also, for me, I was in the middle of a graduate program. The idea that I might start staying home and not “using” my degree, at least right away, seemed silly.

Four years later…
I still struggle with this. Because, let’s be honest, society is judgmental. SAHMs and working mothers both get judgement. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. For me, I am very insecure about this point in particular. When I thought about people asking me what I did for a living, I would feel sick. How could I say, “I stay at home”? Looking back, I think I may have judged SAHMs a bit too. I don’t even know why exactly; I guess it felt like the “right side” to be on. I blame ignorance. 

The entire idea of being scared of what society might think makes me laugh now. As I have become more comfortable in this role, and found other BA SAHMs out there, I don’t feel embarrassed or apologetic. I feel empowered and ready to fight ‘em on it. I am not lazy. I am educated. I am organized. And, WE ARE HAPPY. Period. That is all that matters. It was right for our family. It isn’t right for everyone. But, for us, it is.

3)      Judgment from other People – Our Family

Thinking about how Heath’s family might react scared me. Would they think that I was “taking advantage” of him? Would they think I should be doing more, financially, to contribute? And, of course, would they think I was just being lazy?

Four years later…
I was absolutely terrified to tell our family that I was going to be staying home. I made Heath tell his parents. I stressed how important it was for him to let them know he was supportive of the idea. Because, that was KEY. If he didn’t support the idea, it wouldn’t work. While I “run the show” at home. None of this is even possible without Heath. I acknowledge that and probably don’t thank him enough for it. 

In the beginning, while everyone was nice about it, I could see the fear in their eyes. They were scared for us. We had a nice home, I was in graduate school, and we had a third baby on the way. No one really knew what our finances were; but, I’m sure it appeared scary from the outside! The fear was again reignited when we decided to take on a fixer-upper, and had two mortgages for a brief period.

You can really only do so much to give family comfort. It took time, I think, before they could see that we are doing alright. And, it took time to see how much happier we became. 

4)      What if I am not meant to be a SAHM?

What if the idea of staying home seems great, but I wasn’t meant for it? I am not much of a “kid person” - really. That sounds terrible; but, I’m not. I ruled out being an Elementary School Teacher many, many years ago. So, what if I was just not built for this? What if I quit my job and hated being at home? It’s not like you can just go back to your old job and be like, “Ooops. Never mind.” And, finding a new job that I liked and was paid similarly was not guaranteed. 

Four years later…
If I said that my first months were easy, I’d be lying. It takes some time to get used to being at home. I felt guilty for any second that I wasn’t doing something. I would basically follow the kids around, picking up anything and everything, making sure the house was spotless. Moments that I now realize are necessary for recharging and sanity, I would fill with multiple activities each day. While Heath never said a word to me about it, I always felt this immense pressure to have the house looking beautiful and have dinner on the table when he came home. That was my new job, right?

Heath has said many, many times that he doesn’t expect anything. And, thank the Lord for him, because you know what? Life still happens. Some days I don’t get everything done. And, sometimes things come up. And, sometimes the kids have bad days. And, sometimes I have bad days. And, sometimes we make frozen pizza for dinner. When I finally embraced that idea, I embraced the reason for staying home. The priority for me was the kids.

Yes, staying home has also allowed me to get more things done during the day, to allow for more family time in the evenings. It allows me to be more involved with the kids’ school lives. And, I could list about a billion other things it gives me the opportunity to do. Bottom line is: I gambled and I won. I love staying at home. And, also, after being at home…I’m still not a kid person. Turns out, you don’t have to be. I just have to be a “my kids” person.

5)      Adult Interaction

Being a working mother, you aren’t necessarily privy to all of the SAHM mother programs or activities, day-time volunteer opportunities, or who to even call for play-dates. Everyone I was really good friends with and all of my family, at that time, worked. I would be at home with a 2.5 year old and a baby full-time; my five year old would be there when not in school. Could Heath carry the entire load of my conversational yearning?

Four years later…
I struggled a lot in the first year. I had a newborn too; so, that may have been a lot of the issue. But, mostly, I was not familiar with the SAHM “scene.” Where do I meet other moms? Is there an app that will match me with them? Swipe left? Right?

It was a blessing that a friend of mine suggested our local MOPs group (Moms of Preschoolers). We meet once a month and I absolutely love it. I look so forward to the meetings; but, it has linked me to other SAHMs in the area. I now have a weekly women’s group I attend, and many numbers to text for impromptu play dates.

SAHM full-disclosure: playdates are totally not for the kids, y’all. They are for our sanity. And, maybe a tiny bit for the kids…I mean, they usually sleep better burning off all that energy...

I also decided to just be more open to social interaction. If another mom started up a conversation at t-ball practice, I welcomed it. I never had a reason to seek out new friendships before. Now, it seems like I have so many, and I have so many people to reach out to for anything. My support system grew considerably! 

I don’t like to give advice, but I’m gonna. (Actually, I love to give advice, but acknowledge, like, who am I to be giving advice? Anyway, here is my advice…) If you are invited to something, go. I mean, if the only thing that keeps you from going is social anxiety and the fear of being awkward, then please try it. I am SO awkward. You have no idea! And, I am so glad I chose to say yes and to go. The first couple of times are scary and weird; but, you WILL figure out who you have commonalities with. It won’t take long before you…dare I say it?... "find your tribe.”

6)      My Husband Might Resent Me

I worried that Heath my start to resent me at some point. The first time we had to say no to a purchase, because it wasn’t in the budget, would he be mad that I wasn’t working? Seeing other people go on expensive vacations or buying this or that, would he be upset with our decision? And, when I was able to sleep-in, or do something fun with the kids, would he be angry that I got to do it and not him? 

Four years later…
Heath truly might resent me. In the depths of his soul, there may be some resentment. I don’t know unless he tells me. And, I check in on it from time to time. Heath consistently tells me that he is happy with our set-up, that I can stay home with our children. He is happy with all of it. And, I believe him. I know that there is always the possibility that he may someday change his tune. So, I just make sure that I remember such. I try to make extra time for him. I try to be thoughtful. And, I say, “Yes, you deserve it,” when he suggests buying something for himself – most of the time that is…

7)      A Resume Gap

I had a big worry that I would have a resume gap, which I wasn’t even sure at that time how big of a gap that might be! I was concerned that when I decided to jump back into the workforce, people wouldn’t respect the gap and my reason for it – especially men. And, was I ready to start out at a base salary again, and being older this time around?

Four years later…
As mentioned, I was fortunate enough to eventually start a part-time gig. But, before that, I decided to keep my resume alive by volunteering. I was able to apply for and get a position on a local board for a non-profit organization. It was something that related to my work experience, was something that I was passionate about, and gave me an outlet for that yearning to work. That last part probably sounds silly. But, after my first couple of meetings, I told Heath, I just liked the strategic thought and being able to use my work experience and degree in some way. It was a nice fulfillment for me. I got to be successful outside the home as well.

I have also become so comfortable in my role at home that I've become quite defiant about it. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. The more you love your decisions, the less you care what other people think about them. So, if you stay home and you have a resume gap, and a potential boss doesn’t respect it, then what does that say about them? It would indicate that they aren’t going to be A) a decent person to work for, or B) understanding when it comes to family needs. So, maybe you don’t want to work for them anyway… 

8)      I Cheated My Older Children

Since I didn’t make this decision earlier, when my girls were born, if I stayed home with the youngest, did I cheat the others? Will this make me even sadder about missing out on the time my girls spent at daycare? 

Four years later…
I don’t know if I can or will ever overcome this insecurity. Because it is just that. It is something that I personally deal with. I know other mothers who did the opposite of me; they stayed home with older children and then worked while the younger ones went to daycare. And, what it comes down to is doing what is right for our families. I believe in God’s plan and His timing. We weren’t necessarily in the position for me to stay home before, and I don’t know if I would appreciate staying home as much had I not experienced what I did. God is in control and I’ll know if and when it’s time to make another shift.

9)      Am I Thickening that Glass Ceiling?

I had previously experienced outright sexism in the workplace, more than once. I won’t go into details; but, I was told that since I was a female and someone else was a male, that [this] is how it was going to be. If I quit, was I just perpetuating the stereo-type? It felt like by staying home, I was telling everyone that I “wasn’t right for the workplace” and “my place was at home.” 

Four years later…
Turns out, my place is at home - but, not for the reasons that sexist turd-bag implied…

I don’t believe that SAHMs are “less-than.” And, maybe I am perpetuating some stereo-type by staying home. But, I believe that I could become the first female president tomorrow, and those stereo-types will still exist. All I can do is continue to fight for women who want to do more, and empower my girls. We don’t have to do ALL things that men do. But, we should be able try, if we want, right? And, it goes the other way too, men. Stay-at-home Dads, are ya with me?!

10)   Independence

If I stayed home, I would be 100% financially dependent on Heath. I trust my husband. I do. Really. But, giving up all independence is kinda terrifying. What if I stay home, face many of the aforementioned concerns, and then Heath finds himself a 20-something-hottie to leave me for? To Heath, this concept is laughable. Literally, every time I have mentioned this idea, he laughs at me. I didn’t, or don’t, truly believe it would happen. But, I mean…I am a realist as well and I am not going to say that it is impossible. I would be trying to jump back into the work-force and adjusting to my own, likely lower than before, female (78 cents on the dollar) salary - all while adjusting to all the other issues a separation brings. 

It was a very small, in the depths of my mind, concern.

Four years later…
I have to trust Heath. I have to let go and let God. There are some things you just can’t obsess about. This, coming from someone who obsesses about everything! But, really, I can’t dwell on an insecurity. If I continue to work on my marriage, and just keep trying, then I can feel content with my efforts. You can only do so much; I am not in control of other people’s actions, and I never will be – no matter how much I would like to be sometimes. So, I try my best and that’s all I can do. And, I respect that.

_____________________________________________

It might be time, or age. But, I am finding comfort and contentment with my decisions. My life. My thoughts. All of it. I know that our life can turn upside down at any minute. I’ve witnessed it. I just continue to have faith in my family, my support system, myself, and most importantly, God. 

And again, working moms, you are killin' it. The grass is green over here. But, your grass is green too. Different greens, but both green. I promise.

Responsibility Advice

I recently had a mother of one contact me about going to grad-school and parenting. She wanted to know "how I do it." I laughed. Who the hell am I to be giving any advice? For all she knows I go home, starve the girls, and lock them in their rooms...but, I was humbled. I didn't really know what to say. I let the email sit in my inbox for a couple of days before replying. When I did reply, this is what I said...

---------------------------

It is great to hear from you. And, when it comes to being a multi-tasking mom, I seriously hear you! I had such a hard time transitioning to my "new life" and that was back when I wasn't going to school. So, having a second baby and then applying to Grad School was basically terrifying. I completely understand your concern! I do have some advice, but I want to make sure I am completely clear - I still fail. I try. I try to be the best at everything that I can. But, some days the house is a complete wreck. Some days I order a pizza and don't cook supper. Some days I am so stressed to the max that I get short with Lucy and Olive, cry in the corner, and then beg for forgiveness. It is tough. I just don't think that we can be "the best" at it all. I've tried several times and I have failed every single time. Just when I think I am getting into the swing of things, I realize that my relationship with Heath is suffering, or my friendships. Or, that I can't find time to just sleep, or think, or be by myself for two seconds!

I digress...

So, here is my advice and feel free to ignore me.

1) Forget your life pre-baby
I think my greatest milestone as a new mom was finally letting go of my "old life." I had a hard time. I kept thinking that everything was going to be the same, just with a baby. It literally took me about 2.5 years to figure this out. Things will have to be adjusted and concessions will be made.

2) Lean on your hubby
Heath is fantastic. But, I like to take a little bit of credit for getting him there. :) I am always an open book with him. I tell him when I am reaching my limit. He has really helped me pick up the slack and has come to know what really bothers me. I can't stand dishes in the sink; but, dust can wait until I have time...That kind of stuff. He has learned that there will be concessions when it comes to housework. So, a few rooms in our house (our bedroom and the toy room) will never be clean. We have finally come to terms with this.

3) Schedule "you" time
When I was a new mom I felt like if I wasn't spending every second of my free-time with Lucy, then I was a bad mother. I was so upset that I was already missing out on so much during the day, with her at daycare. But, I soon realized that I was having major burnout. I would try to do too much and then get short with Lucy. I was with her, but the shared time wasn't good. So, I schedule homework days, or homework nights, or even days away. Don't ever feel guilty for doing this - ever. It's not the quantity of time, it is the quality of time.

4) Schedule "us" time
Seriously, along with the previous one, take time to spend with your hubby. It is amazing how silly "the dishes" or "taking out the trash" can seem when you both are in good graces. But, if you are both stressed, you will end up bickering about something silly, something not even worth fighting about. So, once a week, if possible, take a night to go out, or order a movie, or something with just the two of you. It will make the household chores seem like less of a priority, which really, aren't they?

5) Remember this: When you die, no one will remember you for how clean your house was
You will be remembered as a wife, a mom, and so on. I learned this from my Uncle Matt and it is so true! Pick your battles and try to remember what really matters.

6) Indulge

Get that coffee from Starbucks. Buy those earrings. Every once in a while, we all need something to keep our sanity. Mine is the sweet, sweet flavors of a large diet-coke with vanilla from Sonic. :) It fuels me to get homework done. Seriously.

7) June Cleaver doesn't exist!

I kept thinking I should be able to do it all. But, to be honest, I don't think it is possible. I seriously don't. Something has GOT to give. Mine is the housework and sleep. Yes - I still get overwhelmed with it and hate when people come over and things aren't perfect. But, I have just learned what really gets under my skin and what doesn't, and prioritize accordingly. During the week, no housework gets done. I cook supper, do dishes, and try to pick-up the girls' rooms. The weekend is for housework and maybe not all of it. These Pinterest and Blogging moms are struggling too, they just aren't as honest (or they don't work full-time, or go to school). Sleep? Well, I love it so much. I catch up on the weekends or take naps with the girls. :)

9) Also, remember this: You are not alone. 

And, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Before we know it, our kids will be big and we won't know what to do with ourselves.

10) Having two is not much more work than one, as long as your husband helps out. Keep that in mind for future babies. :) The biggest obstacle is going back to those toddler days, where you can't take them anywhere for long periods of time (grocery shopping sucks, etc.).

I hope I helped in some way. Those are the things getting me by. But, my classes started up again this week and I'm already stressing. That's okay; I will just pick up my Sonic drink on the way home and wait until the girls go to sleep until I start homework.



Heath is also fantastic. He really is. I could never do any of this without him. He is a great husband and father. He supports me emotionally and he supports my education. He picks up so much of my slack. I am forever grateful for him. I hope that everyone has that type of support!

You will do great. If not, you will figure it out. I promise. I am always here to listen.

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Any advice that any other parents would give to a new mother, trying to take on other responsibilities? Besides calling them crazy... :)

Explaining to Lucy

I apologize for beating this horse. It is still weighing heavily on my heart. But, I am hopeful that one day we will find comfort, and perhaps add another beautiful baby to our family.

I did want to share a story with you all though. I am not sure what you think about this, or what I think about it. But, it strikes me as eerily comforting.

When we first told Lucy about the baby, she was excited. She had told us that Olive was a girl before we found out, and had been generally right about guessing genders of babies. So, we, of course, asked her what the baby's gender was. Her reply was, "A girl and a boy."

We obviously took this as twins. So, we would laugh. I would ask, "How many babies are in mommy's tummy?"

She insisted, "One."

But, she would always follow-up with, "Then, a boy."

We just shrugged her off as a three-year-old who was misunderstanding things. I asked her again a couple of days later. Same story.

"A girl, then a boy."

"One baby."

So, she was consistent. But, I just dropped it.

When we found out that our little one went to Heaven, I thought about Lucy's comments. I didn't know what to think about them.

The sad day then came that Lucy said something to me about the baby in my belly. I sat down with her and told her that mommy didn't have a baby in her tummy anymore and that the baby went to Heaven to be with Jesus.

"The baby went to Heaven? To be with Jesus?"

"Yes, hunny." I started to cry.

"Why are you crying, Momma?"

"It just makes me sad."

Then, she said something that reached my soul. I'll never forget it. She bowed her head down in sadness and asked me...

"Momma, the boy is coming now?"

I just hugged her and told her, "Someday, maybe."

I didn't know what to think or do. Could it be that Lucy knew? Could it be that she was to provide us with comfort? For some reason it does bring me comfort, like this was God's plan and he let Lucy in on the secret.

Just felt like sharing...

Numb & Grateful

As I've mentioned in times of sadness, there seems to come a time where you are just numb. I think I am there. I try to talk myself out of reality. Sometimes I feel as if none of this ever happened. The last four weeks didn't really exist; it was a dream turned nightmare.

But, I know it is my reality. We did lose a baby. It happened. I want to forget. I want to remember. I am torn.

I am in a bit of a limbo right now. I still have not miscarried. So, all day I sit and analyze any pain that I feel in my abdomen. Unfortunately, at this point, I hope that it is my body finally starting this process. I want to get it over with. It is going to be tough. But, I want to get it over with...Then, there is this ridiculously optimistic and stupid part of me that says, "Maybe the tech was wrong. Maybe the baby is okay after all."

I know that isn't true. I can feel it. I don't feel pregnant. The symptoms have faded. I think I knew this before I went to the hospital. In retrospect, it makes sense. I never fathomed this though...

I still battle guilt, tremendous guilt. That seems to be the only time that I cry; when I think of something I said that was ungrateful. I complained that both of the girls' birthdays were on the 7th and this baby's wouldn't be. How ridiculous is that?! Or, when I was upset that I would be fat for a wedding in the spring. Selfish. I was so ungrateful. I have undoubtedly been taken back down to reality.

I do want to thank those of you who have reached out to me. I didn't realize that a few of my readers have also experienced this type of loss. Their words were very encouraging and I am seriously grateful that they shared their story with me. It made me feel like I was "normal." And, that what I was feeling was "normal."

It seems that so often we go through this type of pain in silence. If you are like me, it is easier to type to someone, because if you say it aloud, you will cry. That part makes me sad. So, to all of my readers, just know that I am here for you too.

As I wait, I hope you haven't stopped praying for us. I am afraid that one of the hardest parts still awaits me. Please also pray for Heath. He continues to be so strong for me and I am not sure he has had his breakdown moment. He was more excited than anyone about our surprise baby.

I sometimes feel like I let him down...the thought of this breaks my heart.


As I continue to grieve. I hope you don't mind if I bring up our angel baby now and again. I know many like to avoid the "awkward" topic. But, I've been told that there is no wrong way to grieve. Please support me in that. If I want to mention Baby #3, don't feel the need to change the topic or become silent. I want to remember this moment, when I leaned on God more than ever and asked him to speak to me.

Thank you again for your support, thoughts, personal stories, and prayers. I am so incredibly grateful, numb and grateful.

Graduate School

Heath graduated last December, with his MBA. As soon as he had finished, we started really talking about me going back to school and getting my graduate degree. The plan was to wait until he was done, before I started. It was the best decision financially. Plus, I don't know if you noticed, but I was busy havin' babies...

If I'm being completely honest, I was a little scared to apply to graduate school. I had K-State picked out since I was 22 and hadn't applied. It was terrifying. What if I got rejected? I didn't think that my ego could bare a blow like that. Terrifying.

After making a zillion excuses, Heath and I talked myself into it.

I'm sure Heath hated me for those months prior. I was a mess. I would basically have a conversation with myself.

"Should I wait until the girls are older?
No. That is silly. There is no time like the present.
I mean, if I would have started two and a half years ago, I'd already be done!
It will be tough with the girls. But, Heath, you did it. I can do it too.
What if I fail? What if I struggle being a mom and a student?
Although, it is important to show the girls that school is a priority too."

This was the inner dialog escaping from my brain and blurting out my mouth.

Needless to say, after a $50 application fee, I was obligated to at least submit a Statement of Objectives, etc.

After several versions and editing sessions, it was ready to mail.

I hadn't told anyone but Heath that I was applying....well, and my references I guess. I was so terrified that I wouldn't get in. Then, I would have to tell everyone. I felt like I might be letting everyone down. I was told that the program was very small and only a small number got in.


Before I knew it, I saw the response from the Department of Psychology...my heart raced. Heath had told me over and over again that I was a "sure-thing." I let out a big breath and opened it...


The first line read, "I am pleased to inform you..."

That was all I needed. I don't think I have ever even read the letter in its entirety.

I was excited, proud, and still a bit scared of what I was committing to.The program is a Masters of Science in Industrial and Organizational Psychology (MIOP). If you aren't familiar, it is like Business and Psychology got together and had a baby. It is applying the scientific method to business processes, like training, evaluation, job analysis, selection, recruiting, etc.

The program is predominately online; however, it did require that I have a two-week residency on the campus. I remember thinking that the two-week residency was the downside of the program. I was wrong.

I kissed my babies, shed a few tears, and headed out. Heath came with me for the Orientation.

I was nervous. Could I really do this again? Did I remember anything from statistics or research methods?

Regardless, it was official. It was time to put my big girl panties on and do my best.


We mingled with many people the first night, reviewing the keepsakes in the alumni center. The sense of pride that the employees and students have for that school? Wow. It was hard not to get wrapped up in it all. Before I knew it, I was feeling very proud as well. I drank the purple Kool-Aid.

First, Manhattan, Kansas is a pretty neat place. It is like a really big small town. I went for a run on campus in the first week and loved everything about it. Second, the people are friendly and the instructors love what they do.

They only selected 12 for my class. They were from all over the United States - California, Washington, Colorado, Iowa, Oklahoma, and of course Kansas.

Anyway, the questions I get all the time are 1) How was it away from the girls, and 2) Was it as hard as you expected?

Yes. It was hard without the girls. I spoke to Lucy on the phone one night and cried when she uttered those little sleepy words, "Goo-bye, Momma." It was pretty hard. But, the majority of the time I didn't have much down time. I was in class all day, doing homework, doing work, networking, or sleeping. Alone time was unheard of, except for that one run I took on campus (the first night). The most "free-time" I had was spent with classmates. As you can imagine, group work is important. So, I made it a priority to get to know these people. I didn't have much time to talk on the phone or even just stop and think about anything...

Heath did come to visit a couple of times though and brought me flowers. :) He is a good hubby. I truly think that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Yes - some purple pride. EMAW. ;)


And, was it as hard as I expected? Yes and no. It is tough...or rather, vigorous and challenging. But, I feel pretty confident in my abilities and my education. Heath was always wondering what I was doing with my time, since I was busy a lot. I would just send him texts like this...

Overall, I had a wonderful experience in Manhattan. Great people, great school, great city, and so on. I am really proud of what I accomplished there so far and look forward to continuing the program. I can't help it, family; I am proud of this school! It represents a big life choice for me and it's a choice that I am incredibly proud of.

Wish me luck as I continue this path! Please wish Heath luck as he helps me! This is a family effort after all. :)

Who knew? EMAW afterall...

Peek into Our Home

Family arrives home from the movies. It's late. The girls should have been in bed an hour ago and morning is going to come way too early.

Mom and Dad dump themselves out of the vehicle. Mom lets out a slight huff, thinking about carrying in all of the stuff and children from the car. She grabs her purse, half-empty fountain drink, and stands next to the car. Dad lets the toddler out of the car and goes to grab the baby. He hands the diaper bag to mom and they both trudge inside.  Dad sings a song to the chihuahuas as he lets them outside to go to the bathroom.

"Who wants ta go potttttaaay? Whhhooooo wants ta go Potttaaay?"

The toddler bops her head to the tune, as she steps heavily up each stair, as she refuses to use the rail for assistance.

Mom drops all of her stuff on the kitchen table, since that seems to be where all things gather. She promptly goes to the bathroom to relieve her child-ruined bladder.

Dad comes upstairs and walks by said bathroom. Mom sees him since the door has been left wide open.

He lays the baby down in the hallway, facing mom's tennis shoes in the bathroom. Mom and baby exchange a few words and coos of nonsense.

Procrastinating putting baby or toddler to sleep, mom lays down on the hallway floor with baby. Remembering how much weight she needs to lose, mom starts doing crunches and leg lifts.

At some point dad and toddler end up in the kitchen, eating left-over banana nut muffins.

Dad runs around the house being hyperactive per usual. He is downstairs, in the kitchen, in the bedroom...all while chomping on a banana nut muffin he ate in two bites.

Mom hears gurgle from baby. After lifting her head, she sees a small pile of sweet potatoes, baby's dinner, on the beige carpet. Mom yells for dad while running to the kitchen for a towel, "She threw up a little bit!"

With this announcement, the toddler comes running from the kitchen, muffin in her mouth, yelling, "She frew up a lettle bit?"

Dad laughs and yells, "Oh, don't worry about it, hun. She is smashing it into the carpet."

The family all meets in the hallway, circling baby. Baby is, indeed, smashing the orange slime into the carpet. She is very proud of herself.

Toddler declares, "Oh, crap!"

With further review, mom decides she actually said, "Oh, crack!" But, with the same intention.

........................................................


Announcer voice: "Check back, next month, for another Peek into Our Home." ;)

Dear...

Dear Readers...I am fully aware that I am absent from this blog and have been for months now. I keep promising you that I will change and I continue my evil ways. Sorry. I look at it this way - it's better to write a few times a month than not at all. Truth be told - I have had this particular post prepped and almost ready to go for several weeks now. (tsk-tsk)

Dear Lucy...fedoras are in. Or, well, at least they were last year. I don't know if they are still. But, they have been "in" fairly recently. So, when you get older, don't ridicule me. You love this hat. In fact, you picked it out yourself. It's a Fe-"Dora" hat. Love that joke!

Dear Readers...I often feel compelled to use "haha" and "LOL" on my blog. As you have probably noticed as well, I usually give into this temptation. I have also used emoticons against my better "writing-style" judgement [  :)  ;)  :(  ]. But, lately, my overwhelming urge to use slang and hashtags is getting the best of me.  
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Dear Everyone...I am completely obsessed with coral lately. It's serious. I LOVE it. I think it may have taken over my red obsession. #Legit

Look at the clothing that I am trying on, hanging to my right. Seriously obsessed!

 

Dear Work...You need to be a little less stressful. I'm trying to grow out my nails and you are making it very difficult. Any time I stop typing, I'm biting my nails. Darn!

Dear Olive...Your cry-smiling is very confusing. Are you happy or sad? I don't know what to do! (Come to find out, you just want to be held.) :)

Dear Twitter...You got me. I'm addicted. You've taken over Pinterest. But, I still love Pinterest for great organization and decor tips.

Dear Curly-Haired People...What in the world am I to do with this? It's sooo naturally curly! :)

Dear Summer...Why do you and winter want to take over spring? What did he ever do to you? Let him go...

Dear Olive...You look like me. Some may say its a curse. I say it's a blessing. ;) I love that you look like me, especially when you make your "duh" face. I don't know how I feel about that part though. Does that mean that I look "duh" most of the time?


Dear Readers...Although I often times promise things, I sincerely think you can look forward to posts about the zoo, graduate school, running, and of course the girls! :) I have some in progress!

Dear Jari, Hannah, & Nikki...Vegas was amazing and I can't wait to go back again. Seriously, lets do it again. #srsly

Dear Anyone Who Loves Food as Much as I Do...If you love a good cheeseburger and homemade onion rings, you need to find yourself a Johnny Rockets. It is delicious. I may or may not have eaten there three days in a row, while in Vegas. The closest one to us is like hours and hours away. But, I tweeted them and they promised me that they will eventually get to Kansas City. Haha. They are also "Home of the Las Vegas Squealer - with cheddar cheese." The Squeeler is 60% beef and 40% bacon. That sounds awesome, but my lack of gallbladder won't let me eat bacon. Whomp-whomp.

  Dear June...Where did you come from?! Wasn't it just May 1st?

Sisters

I can't even begin to describe how my heart bursts when I think of the relationships between Lucy and Olive. When people ask how Lucy has been with the transition of having a baby in the house, I can honestly answer that it more than we could have ever asked for.

Yes. They will fight. They will scream. They will pull each other's hair. One of them will probably claw the other one's arms. One will throw their red cowgirl boots at the other. One will whack the other in the forehead with a broom.

Lucy will whine to me that Olive won't leave her and her friends alone. Olive will cry because Lucy no longer wants to take baths with her.

 
But, they will also share secrets. They might tell each other just one of the presents under the Christmas tree. They will join forces to beg for cookies and to go to the pool. They will takes baths together and drink each other's butt water. You know it's true...

Perhaps Lucy will drive Olive around, cruising for boys. Olive will talk Lucy into letting her do things that she shouldn't.


There will be nights that they gather in front of the television, with a spoon each, eating out of a pan of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.

They will share clothes and makeup. They will secretly use each other's perfume, hoping the other won't notice. And, when clothes go missing, they will know exactly where to look.

Hopefully, they will spend summer nights belting out their favorite songs as loud as they can scream, laughing at incorrect lyrics and flat notes.

They will be able to just give each other a look, knowing what the other is thinking. This will often get them into trouble, especially during completely unacceptable, serious situations.


I will be stuck yelling, "Girls!" in my stern mother voice. Or, pretend to be appalled while announcing, "You two!"

They will fight. Yes. They will love. Yes. They will have a special relationship that cannot compare to any other. It just simply can't be compared.

But, right now, they are over the moon for each other. No fighting. No annoyance. No "sharing" issues. I am basking it all. My heart melts when they giggle together, over something as silly as making a tooting noise with their mouths.

They will take care of each other. I just know it.

Thank the Lord for my babies. And, thank the Lord for sisters. :)

Birth Story: Part 3

This is the final installation of the three part story, that is Olive's birth. :) Nothing like 5 months later...

After the actual laboring and birthing, we get to all the oohing and awing that I did. Also, I should really discuss the pain I felt afterward as well. To be honest though, I have forgotten most of it. I waited too long and those memories are fading. They always say that it's the easiest pain to forget and "they" sure are right! Although every time I hear someone say that, I think of my Granny. She had a ten pound baby (my dad) all natural back in 1960. Then, she was bedridden for four days after. I'm sure her pain was a little harder to forget than mine...

Dad, have you thanked Granny lately? You totally should! In fact, your birthday is this Saturday. You should tell her "thank you!"

Anyway,  I will tell you that the night after Olive's birth, I was so thirsty. I hadn't drank anything in over 24 hours; I had only had one cup of ice and nothing else. Plus, I had lost a reasonable amount of blood with the surgery. I begged for something to drink and couldn't have it...darn! The next morning I scarfed down my breakfast and started drinking. But, I was way too into holding Olive and just looking at her to be overly hungry.

I have several, several, pictures like this. I apparently stared at her...a lot. But, I'm sure other mothers can attest. Seeing their face for the first time, that little miracle, is simply amazing. I couldn't get enough!

As the day went on, my blood pressure kept getting really low and they asked me to drink more water. Ugh, the irony. I was slightly annoyed. It went from "can't drink anything" to "drink more."

It was about 14 hours after surgery that I got to take off my massage "booties." Those things were amazing! I loved them. Once they were off, I got my catheter out. Uncomfortable! But, I could get up now! At first, I felt pretty good. Not too much pain. It seriously took over 24 hours before all of the spinal had worn off and I started to really feel the pain. It was worse than a vaginally delivery, for me. When my bladder would get full, I had a lot of pain on the incision. When I would go pee, then it wasn't as bad. So, I kept running to and from the restroom, or rather shuffling to and from. It sure was different than what I had experienced before. Pain in a completely different place, but still all of the gross discomfort...if you women know what I mean.

I really didn't mind though. I was completely on cloud nine. I seriously was on a high. I didn't get irritated at all and was just as happy as I could be. It was different than with Lucy. Perhaps my body has changed, or I have...something like that. The high lasted until, well, basically until I went back to work. Whomp, whomp. I won't beat that dead horse, so moving on...

Lucy came to visit and spent most of the second day with us. She loved seeing her new, baby sister.

She even held her for photos. When someone would talk to her, she would stick her fingers to her lips and tell us that her baby sister was sleeping. :) She's a great big sister!

The day we got out of the hospital, Lucy was there again. We wanted to make sure we got to experience these things as a family!


Then, it started. Olive was upset. I had to feed her before we hit the road. We sat the girls down to take this photo, and Lucy pooped her pants - more delay. They were breaking us in right away, to having two! That is alright though. Cloud nine...

I was welcomed home to this wonderful display my mom and sister put together - presents for all!

 

Oh boy, now that I've waited 5 months, this post is giving me baby fever. No way, Jose. We really would need a van then!

The rest is wonderful, laid-back, best baby in the world, knock-on-wood, history. :)

Looks - Part 2

This is part 2, because I wrote a blog post about Lucy looking so much like Heath back in the day, titled, "Looks."

So, I might just have one that looks like me yet! :) Heath totally got Lucy...

But, I may have gotten Olive. :)

I say "got" like it's a competition or something. I really don't mean it like that. I mean that I look at Lucy and I see Heath. I rarely, if ever, see myself in her. She is even energetic and goofy like Heath. :) But, Olive, I see a baby version of myself in her. It's a wonderful feeling to look at your child and see yourself.  Even if she changes and starts to look like Lucy and Heath, that is alright. I had my moment. :)

Oh, and Heath...I don't know where those cheeks come from! Haha. Lucy had them too! We like our chubby babies!

Thankful Calendar

After yesterday's post about Halloween, I thought I should "get up with the times" and discuss Thanksgiving. What a wonderful time of year, right?

This year, I saw on Pinterest.com a 'Thankful Calendar.' Every day until Thanksgiving, you would write down what you were thankful for and put it on the calendar. It is a countdown I guess. Although we really should be thankful every day, it's hard to stop sometimes and just thank the Lord. We are so incredibly blessed in our lives, or at least I feel like I am. I try very hard not to take it for granted. We all forget sometimes though. I recently saw a pin that said, Only in the U.S. would we spend a day being thankful for what we have, then spend the entire next day trampling over each other for new stuff. True story! But, I still love Black Friday. :)

Anyway, I want to just state right now that I am not crafty. I do not have the patience and I don't have a lot of craft items on hand. For example, I've never owned a bottle of Mod Podge in my life. I just got a glue gun a couple of years ago, from my mom, and I burn myself incessantly!

So, I thought that when Lucy and I made this, we were doing pretty well:

We decided to hang it on the fridge, at least this year. As you will also notice, I created the calendar for up to the 24th, rather than the 22nd that Thanksgiving is on this year. I hope to reuse this calendar in the future and added a couple more days. Each day, we all say what we are thankful for. Since 'family, friends, four-legged family members and friends, food, shelter, faith, and a few others, are already written on our calendar (not in the picture; I added more after I took it), we try to think of other things - small things in life that often go unappreciated.

Heath has been thankful for daycare, technology, football, stuff like that. I've been thankful for cell phones, cars, and baking. We usually explain them a little bit to each other, but just write down a word or two. Lucy's are great! They make me laugh. She always says, "Mommy, Daddy, and baby Olive." It makes my heart melt with love, while wanting to burst with pride! But, she has also said, Aurora (her baby doll), Bonnie (her stuffed horse), her blankey, pumpkins, and really anything in the general direction she is looking. haha.

We have also decided to be thankful in other ways. We have started to say grace before meals. And, we decided to be better church goers. This last weekend, we decided on which one and would like to start going consistently.

It feels great to stop asking for forgiveness, when I take this life for granted. I still complain about stupid, stupid stuff; but, I'm getting better...

Tonight, I think I will put down that I am thankful for...my blog readers. :) Thank you for always supporting me and telling me that I'm not the craziest momma on the block! Have a great hump day!

Birth Story: Part 2

After finally getting to the surgery room, I felt great. I was a little scared of the spinal and I was still having contractions. But, to know there was an end in sight felt wonderful. Also, I had been to that surgery room before, when I had my gallbladder taken out; so, there was some familiarity to it all.

The spinal had a little sting to it, and I would say was very comparable to an epidural. It took a while, so I asked a few questions of the anesthesiologist. How much will I feel? Will this make me nauseous? How does it only numb me from the arms down?

I had drank some tart, grape drink before I went down to surgery. It was supposed to help with the nausea. I was hoping so. I had heard horror stories about women throwing up during their entire surgery. Nothing sounded worse than throwing up while laying on your back. Plus, talk about a moment ruiner...

I was on my back, arms strapped down, and the sheet was up before Heath was escorted into the room. They had already asked how much I could feel. It was the most bizarre feeling. With an epidural, it was somewhat scary to me. I felt completely out of control and almost paralyzed. I hated looking at my leg, trying to move it, and being unable to do so. It truly freaked me out. With the spinal, I could feel. But, I couldn't feel everything. I could feel them rubbing stuff on my belly, which I was told would normally seem cold. I only felt the movement and not the coldness. Then, she started to make the incision. I remember knowing that she was about to cut, when Heath came by the sheet. I thought for sure that he would see the blood and pass out on the spot.

When he got to me, he was feeling pretty good. He had popped a Xanax upstairs and was what I would describe as three-beer-Heath. He was invincible and when they told him that he could stand to watch, he did! I kept asking him, "Are you sure? Are you okay?"

Getting Olive out only took a few minutes. This is what I heard:

"Okay, get ready to meet Baby Olive."

"Oh, she has hair!"

"Heath, get the camera ready."

"She's no peanut."

"Here she is!"

Heath stood up the whole time, snapping pictures with the camera in one hand and video recording with his phone in the other. The video is great! :) It is kind of gross though, and so are the pictures. I thought I would spare you.

She was born at 6:42 pm.

As soon as I heard her let out her first wail, I broke down. I just cried and cried. It still wasn't quiet real to me. Nothing quiet prepares you for hearing your baby cry for the first time, or seeing them either. While I was blubbering, unable to wipe away my tears, Dr. B leaned Olive over the sheet for me to see. In her gross, bloody, crying state, she looked like Lucy. Then, as quickly as she was there, she was gone. They took her across the room to check her. Heath followed, snapping pictures like crazy.

 

We all anticipated the weight. I overheard a conversation between Dr. B and the nurses on how much they thought she'd weigh. Dr. B was pretty close, saying that she thought she would be close to 9 lbs. She was 8 lbs and 11.5 ounces. She was 2.5 ounces more than Lucy and a week early! The shocker for me was, she was 21 inches long! That was 2 inches longer than Lucy. I just kept repeating it over and over. "21 inches? Wow, really? 21 inches?"

Olive cried and cried, until Heath said something to her. It seemed as though she recognized his voice, because she immediately stopped. It was so sweet. It warmed my heart. 

Olive and Heath were off to my right and a little over my head. After about ten minutes of watching, my neck and eyes started to hurt from straining. So, I stopped and laid flat again. Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks the 36 hours of little to no sleep. I was so tired. It was like my body knew that it was over and Olive was okay. I let my eyes close a few times as I jerked them back open. Finally, I called Heath over. "I'm going to close my eyes and I might fall asleep, is that okay?" 

I felt like a jerk; but, I literally couldn't stay awake. He of course told me that was alright, as he went back to Olive. I then fell in and out of sleep for the next hour or so. I woke up once because I was nauseous. I thought I might throw up. When I told the anesthesiologist, she got me a "throw-up sleeve," as I like to call them. Dr. B heard me and said that she was pushing on my stomach and that was probably what was causing it. Thank goodness the nausea passed and before I knew it the sheet was pulled down.

While they were moving me to a bed, Dr. B went to check on Olive. She is such a caring person and you can tell that she loves her job!

Funny story about the nurse in the maroon, over Dr. B's shoulder. She was a student when I had Lucy. I remembered her, only because her name is also my middle name. When she came in for the surgery and introduced herself, I immediately asked if she was a student back in February 2010. It was her. She was present for both of my girls. :)

Once settled, I finally got to hold her too. :)

She still looked a lot like Lucy to me.

We were taken to the recovery room, where I was able to have a few guests. I asked for Heath to go tell my sister to bring Lucy down. Little did I know, Dr. B had already went to get Lucy! haha. :) I think she was excited too.

Lucy was pretty excited and surprisingly not freaked out at all by the hospital. She rubbed Olive's head and talked to her. For the first time that evening, Heath cried. My sister did too. It was a special moment.

We finally got back upstairs around 9:30 pm. Good thing we have our babies on the weekend. :)

Everyone was thrilled. I have to say though, do you see Heath's sister's boyfriend over in the corner with his arms crossed? Haha. I have a picture similar to this one, when Lucy was born. Except, then, my cousin was keeping him company. I just don't think men/boys are into this stuff as much, unless it's their baby or grand-baby.

Everyone stayed only for a while and left to let me sleep. I was able to breastfeed her downstairs in the recovery room. So, I waited until the next feeding and then let the nurse take her to the nursery. We learned from Lucy, that for us, it was better for her to go to the nursery. I didn't have any trouble sleeping and was excited each and every time they brought her in to feed.

- To Be Continued -

Gizzards = Fun

I eat chicken gizzards. They are probably the "weirdest" food that you will get me to eat. I'm not big on game, or rocky mountain oysters, or even plain oysters. But, give me fried chicken gizzards dipped in barbecue sauce and yum! About four times a year, my mom indulges me with home-battered chicken gizzards. Most of the time she even sends a bag home with me that I eat cold, straight out of the fridge.

But, that is all beside the point...this time, Lucy asked if she could help. She even pointed to her apron that my mom had hanging on the wall. Little did Lucy know how much she would actually get to "help."

  
Long story short - she made a mess! I guess what they say is true; you get more patience when you get older. I would have probably never allowed Lucy to make such a mess in our house, at least not without a drop-cloth, etc. My mom just let her be and let her play. I mean, "cook." The flour cleaned up rather easily though, although I admit that I just sat and watched. Lucy had such a fun time with that too, even trying to sweep.

During supper, Lucy tried a little bite of her batter gizzards. Not so much. That is okay. When she is older, we will try again. :)

Thank you Mimi for letting Lucy "cook" at your house. The gizzards (and sweet corn) were delicious! :)

Dear...

Dear Lucy...know that when I recorded videos of your tantrums, I did it out of love. :) I just wanted to let you see what you will have to deal with someday. Also, I want you to know that I earned every one of those gray hairs that my future self will have.

Dear Mom...I think it is absolutely awesome that you have rescued two dogs from being put down. I wish I could do more too. Buddy (her new chihuahua-wiener dog mix) is absolutely adorable! I think I love him more, knowing that he is a rescue pup. How could anyone not want him?!

Dear Grandny...I cried last night again, over something touching and completely ridiculous to cry over. It made me think of you and smile. :)

Dear Facebook...Although you are kicking out baby photos, belly photos, and baby updates left and right, I am simply not fulfilled. I need lazier friends to update their statuses more often. See what you can do about that.

Dear Lucy...You are a princess. You will always be a princess. And, princesses can achieve any dream they choose!


Dear Olive...I am sorry if you don't like chicken wing sauce. You seem to kick a lot when I eat it. I am hoping those are kicks of joy.

Dear Heath...I think that you secretly put Lucy in bed with us sometimes, just so when it's just you and me it feels roomier. 

Dear Sonic...Thank you for giving us half-priced drinks at 4:02 pm the other day. I really appreciated that. And, the strawberry slush was delicious! :)

Dear Lucy...when I take pictures of you in "time-out," I do it out of love. :) I am hoping that this spot, on top of the toy box, does not become a routine thing. Hopefully I am documenting some long, lost childhood memory of yours that won't be so clear. Also, I think that mommy and daddy are pretty awesome for letting you sit with Aurora and Miss Alex, the puppy purse, in time-out - enough said. :)

Dear Pinterest...I sure do love you sometimes. You give me the most helpful, daily tips and you make me motivated to craft and organize my home. However, you make me feel completely inadequate as a homemaker. I have also discovered that I am not that crafty...whomp, whomp.

Dear Weekend...Can you please pick up Friday-day as a regular staple? That would be lovely. Think about it.

Response to DayCare Blues

Yesterday I received a lot of encouraging messages from fellow-working mommies out there, as well as a few stay-at-home mommies. It seems that everyone feels that they don't have enough time for something, whether that be their children, their chores, or just "free-time."  Life simply goes too fast and there aren't enough hours in the day.

Although I read through multiple comments, my feelings on the matter hadn't changed much as I sat in Lucy's room with her. She and I were eating mini smores that I had made in the microwave. She chewed and danced around the room in only a diaper, watching Toy Story 3. I folded her clothes and picked up toys. For some reason I picked up my phone to check my email.  In my "ILoveLucyJean" account I had a message from my Uncle. He doesn't email me often, so I opened it right away.

I read it. I agreed. Then, being the emotional freak I am, I cried. I would like to blame it on my pregnancy; but, I am pretty much a blubbering idiot all the time - just ask my family.  I love my family so much; so, whenever one of them shares their love, memories, or advice with me, I simply lose it. (Girly-girl...I'm not too ashamed.)

I hope my Uncle doesn't mind that I'm going to share his email with everyone. I guess if he does, then I'll never get a response from him again :{. I just felt that everyone needed to be reminded of such things. No matter how many times I hear this type of message, I somehow lose sight of it over and over again. This was a wonderful reminder and I hope to keep the message to read whenever I'm feeling "the blues."

Dear Cori,
    I don't want to depress you even more but, I have had these same thoughts for years and if anything, time simply moves faster. My life has become more hectic with the children getting older and I have also become older, with less energy. Now I'm starting to ramble, so here is the point. You can take it or leave it but, here are my thoughts after many years of dreaming of what my life should be and what it is.
    My only goal is to raise my kids and let that be my legacy. When I'm dead and gone, will I be remembered for being organized, having a clean house, an awesome yard and etc? Probably not. I will be remembered as [your cousins' ] dad. Whatever they are as people on this earth is how I will also be remembered. Unfortunately, I have not had this outlook for all that long and have not always followed it. I still get caught up placing stupid stuff like mowing and things in front of more important events in this life. So long story short, someday when you are watching Lucy run a half marathon, or watching Olive play volleyball don't regret a single thing undone in your life. The important stuff is right there in front of you.

Love, Uncle Matt

My Uncle Matt and dad don't necessarily give me a lot of face-to-face advice, unless it's "Stop that!" or "You're going to hurt yourself...", or something of the sort. But, if you hand them a pen and paper, or give them a keyboard, they can be quite thoughtful. :)  I love that about them. :) I look up to both of them very much.

Granny - are you crying now?  You are the reason I'm a crier! :)

Well, I hope that my Uncle Matt has somehow reminded you of what is important in this life, today. It isn't the dishes or the yard, or whatever, it is family and always will be. :)

Happy Wednesday everyone!