Explaining to Lucy

I apologize for beating this horse. It is still weighing heavily on my heart. But, I am hopeful that one day we will find comfort, and perhaps add another beautiful baby to our family.

I did want to share a story with you all though. I am not sure what you think about this, or what I think about it. But, it strikes me as eerily comforting.

When we first told Lucy about the baby, she was excited. She had told us that Olive was a girl before we found out, and had been generally right about guessing genders of babies. So, we, of course, asked her what the baby's gender was. Her reply was, "A girl and a boy."

We obviously took this as twins. So, we would laugh. I would ask, "How many babies are in mommy's tummy?"

She insisted, "One."

But, she would always follow-up with, "Then, a boy."

We just shrugged her off as a three-year-old who was misunderstanding things. I asked her again a couple of days later. Same story.

"A girl, then a boy."

"One baby."

So, she was consistent. But, I just dropped it.

When we found out that our little one went to Heaven, I thought about Lucy's comments. I didn't know what to think about them.

The sad day then came that Lucy said something to me about the baby in my belly. I sat down with her and told her that mommy didn't have a baby in her tummy anymore and that the baby went to Heaven to be with Jesus.

"The baby went to Heaven? To be with Jesus?"

"Yes, hunny." I started to cry.

"Why are you crying, Momma?"

"It just makes me sad."

Then, she said something that reached my soul. I'll never forget it. She bowed her head down in sadness and asked me...

"Momma, the boy is coming now?"

I just hugged her and told her, "Someday, maybe."

I didn't know what to think or do. Could it be that Lucy knew? Could it be that she was to provide us with comfort? For some reason it does bring me comfort, like this was God's plan and he let Lucy in on the secret.

Just felt like sharing...