Advice on Parenting

When is it acceptable? And, when is it offensive?

I've had advice range from -

"Put two sets of crib sheets and liners on the mattress; so, in the middle of a messy night you can just take off the top two layers and go right back to sleep."

to

"You need to get out of your bubble and experience more things, to be a better mom."

Helpful information to downright infuriating comments.

Yes - someone actually told me that I needed to get "out of my bubble" to be a better mom. The bubble I live in? I'm careful and I think about consequences before doing something. How awful of me, right? Anyway, enough of that irritation...let's just say that Heath said my face became visibly red during that particular conversation.

Anyone with a brain knows that you should never utter to another mother, "To be a better mom, you should..." However, I've also been given advice that I didn't agree with and I felt like I was being told that my way was somehow "wrong." This is also difficult to deal with.

Don't get me wrong. I love giving my opinion and advice. I am the first one to do it...through blog even. :) If you are going to see a movie and I've already seen it? Be prepared; I'm going to tell you what I think about it. Having a problem? I can help! Or, at least I think I can. And, if I know some amazing fun fact or work-around, I'm going to share it with the world.

So, I've had to tread carefully. I don't want to offend or irritate any other mothers out there. I don't want them to say, "Gosh, Cori always has something to say!" Or, "She thinks she is such an expert." 

Believe me - I know I'm not an expert. I just worry sometimes that my mouth gets ahead of my mind. So, I've come up with some rules for myself, about parenting advice:

1) If the mother seems uncomfortable with the conversation (or her face turns red), abandon your point and shush!

2) If the mother continues to stand up for what she does, she disagrees with you; abandon your point and shush!

3) If someone says they read it in a book, you, not the author of said book, are probably not going to change their mind.

4) Ask yourself, "Is this information helpful or are you just spouting off knowledge?" Sometimes I think I'm John Tesh and that I need to make everyone aware of what I have read or heard.....Sorry! I am most guilty of this!

5) Ask yourself, "Did this person ask for advice or does this seem like a good time to give advice?" If there wasn't a question before hand and there isn't a lingering pause of eye contact, they probably don't care for your in-depth advice. However, if it is a helpful tip, bring it on!

6) Ask yourself, "Is this lifestyle advice?" Because lets face it, you wouldn't talk religion to an atheist. Or, in baby terms, you aren't going to convince a cloth diapering momma that she should go with disposable.

7) If a mother does something and she feels the need to explain her actions to you, don't challenge it. She isn't asking for advice or approval. She is probably trying to nip your advice in the bud.

8) If the mother has more than one child, don't give her advice. She has probably been through it once already! Again, this applies unless it's a helpful tip that you read about on....say....Pinterest. :)

Wait a minute. Am I giving advice on giving advice? Oh, the irony.

I just find it very interesting. Advice is probably one of the most hot-button issues with new mothers. I've read about it, heard about it, and experienced it as well. All mothers want to feel like they are doing their absolute best for their little one. It is tough to hear others give advice; it sometimes seems like criticism. And, I'm not too sure that "constructive criticism" is allowed in parenting...

Now, what did we all learn today?

You make your mistakes and I'll make mine.

Okay, okay, enough of the lecture. I'm not even sure where it came from. It all started from me wondering where the line is. When is it okay and when is it offensive? We shall never know.

Maybe we should just all have our babies wear this:

Until next time...Happy Wednesday!

Play-Date Gone Selfish

Last night we had a play date. My friend, Crystal, and her son, Ty, came over for dinner. It's been ages since we've seen them and really got to sit and talk. So, we invited them over for supper (chicken alfredo with garlic cheese bread - yum!) and to try out the new playroom.

When they were littler, they basically just tried to eat each other. Ty would try to bite on Lucy's shoulder and she would try to poke him in the eye. They were a mess. haha. Therefore, we tried to keep them at a pretty good distance, just sharing toys and/or food.

Now, I was excited! Ty and Lucy were old enough now that they could just roam the playroom. They could just go crazy. Sure, they might poke each other a little bit; but, after seeing Lucy run over by a plastic car, I thought she could handle it. Plus, Lucy is a product of Daycare! She plays with other children all the time and usually lights up around them! She would be super social.

Or, so I thought...

When Ty and Crystal first arrived, Lucy and Ty were super shy. They just looked at each other.  It only took a few seconds after I turned off Elmo's World, for them to warm up. Lucy walked up to Ty, hit him on the shoulder, he turned around, and she said, "Hi!"

I was so proud! Yay! She was being sweet and social.

When it was time for dinner, they sat across the table from each other. They didn't really "talk" to each other; but, they giggled back and forth a lot. A lot! It was like it was contagious.

Again, yay! She is being social and smiley!

Then, we went to the playroom.

She got so upset with almost everything Ty played with. She specifically clung onto a doll stroller and a blow-up ball, trying to hold onto them both at the same time. If Ty would even put his hand on them, Lucy would squeal at the top of her lungs, very high pitched. Then, she would try to pull it away or hit his hand off.

I was seriously shocked. I had never seen her do that before! Of course I have seen the familiar fit, when we take something away from her. But, I had never witnessed jealousy like this! All I could do was apologize. I just could not believe her behavior.

Then it dawned on us. Perhaps she is like that at Daycare! She just might have turned into a selfish, fit-thrower. We made sure to ask Daycare first thing this morning.

"Does Lucy share?"

"Does she take other childrens' toys away?"

Thank goodness they answered, "Yeah, she shares," and, "No, not really."

We realized that it was all about her own toys - toys that we didn't realize at all that she had an, apparently deep, affinity for! Well, she hasn't ever really had another child in her playroom. She hasn't really ever had to share her toys at home, except with us. So, I guess we wouldn't have known until now.

Who would have known Lucy was a little selfish and was in need of a lesson about sharing?

Heath told her, "Elmo wouldn't be very proud of you right now, Lucy."

Hopefully we can work on it and invite Ty over again some time, if he wants to! We'll see how it goes!

Side note:
I got a new blog design, obviously! Our friend Justin did it for us! And, my wonderful husband helped with incorporating it. Didn't they do a great job? What do you think?  

Also, I got a new button! If you have taken the previous one (the very few of you out there), please replace it with the new one! :) It's a lot cuter! Thanks for the support!

Email subscribers: You will have to stop by and see the new look!

DayCare Bullying

Again, last week I was reminded why I never wanted to be an elementary school teacher.

Heath had gone out to lunch with his co-workers; so, I went down to see Lucy by myself. I admit, it’s a bit awkward without Heath. He engages in small talk and plays with the other children. I will flash a smile or goofy face at some of them occasionally; but, I am just not very good with little kids – especially a lot of them.

Each of the daycare helpers had a baby in hand and all the little toddlers were running about. It was Friday; therefore, there weren’t that many children. They were able to all play together, instead of the usual baby-toddler separation. Lucy was in an ‘exersaucer’ just bouncing her little heart out. It was adorable (to say the least). Frankly, I was just pleased that she wasn’t on the floor, getting trampled by the “walkers.”

First, I picked her up out of the saucer and gave her squeezes and told her how much I loved and missed her. Then, I sat down with her in front of the mirror. She loves to look at herself and I get a thrill out of watching her giggle and smile – so, that’s where we landed. We laughed and played in our own little spot when another little girl came over. I am not sure how old the girl is; but, I would guess 2 or 2 ½. Honestly, she may be a little older; let’s just say, she is old enough to know better. She talks in full sentences, clear as day. She is coordinated and plays with dolls like she’s playing house. So, after further review, she is probably 3 or 3 ½. Anyway, you get the picture…

This particular girl, we’ll call her Mary, has always been on my radar. She has been spotted picking on the babies in the past – by me that is. The daycare personnel are constantly hollering her name, “Mary, no. Maa-rry, no. Don’t do that!”

This summer, when there were fewer children, I used to watch her. She’d push the swings too fast, with babies in them. She’d throw blankets on their faces or take away their toys. I even alert one of the daycare providers to break up a ‘situation’ one day, where Mary was hitting another, younger toddler repeatedly on the head with a toy. It was sad to even watch. The other toddler was defenseless.

Other times, it seemed like Mary was trying to play house with the babies, but was just too rough. Regardless, I didn’t want her around Lucy.

Mary was a bully! Take that back, Mary is a bully.

So, on this particular day, sitting with Lucy, minding our own business, I was not amused with Mary.

She came over and kept throwing all the toys off the shelf – even the ones Lucy was playing with. I kept giving her this look, like, “go away, we are playing here.” After reflection, it’s obvious she is too young to pick-up on my snide looks. Oh well, it made me feel better. I stayed calm. I wanted to tell her to knock it off and that Lucy was playing with those toys first. However, that’s not my job and Mary’s not my child. It went unnoticed by everyone else - oddly enough too; she was making a lot of noise.

I abandoned the mirror and shelf toys. I took Lucy back over to the exersaucer. While Lucy bounced I showed her the different toys, surrounding it. Then, there she was – Mary. She started playing with the toys that Lucy was playing with – the ones connected to the saucer that Lucy was in!

Is it horrible of me to not like a little kid?

It’s the parents. She wants attention. It doesn’t happen when I’m gone. Lucy didn’t care. There was no harm done. These are all things I keep repeating to myself. But, seriously, Mary looks at me and my first thought is – troublemaker! I am surrounded by complete and utter annoyance.

Dramatic overreaction – got it!

It just makes me realize that Lucy is going to get picked on and I won’t be there to protect her. Mary is the first of probably several. I hate it. I want to protect her, especially now, since she can’t even comprehend the whole ‘sharing’ idea or stick up for herself and tell Mary to get lost.

Have you ever experienced this? How should I react when I am witnessing this behavior? I feel like a jerk telling daycare, “Mary keeps taking Lucy’s toys away.” What am I? Four?

Help! I have a daycare bully!