Graduate School

Heath graduated last December, with his MBA. As soon as he had finished, we started really talking about me going back to school and getting my graduate degree. The plan was to wait until he was done, before I started. It was the best decision financially. Plus, I don't know if you noticed, but I was busy havin' babies...

If I'm being completely honest, I was a little scared to apply to graduate school. I had K-State picked out since I was 22 and hadn't applied. It was terrifying. What if I got rejected? I didn't think that my ego could bare a blow like that. Terrifying.

After making a zillion excuses, Heath and I talked myself into it.

I'm sure Heath hated me for those months prior. I was a mess. I would basically have a conversation with myself.

"Should I wait until the girls are older?
No. That is silly. There is no time like the present.
I mean, if I would have started two and a half years ago, I'd already be done!
It will be tough with the girls. But, Heath, you did it. I can do it too.
What if I fail? What if I struggle being a mom and a student?
Although, it is important to show the girls that school is a priority too."

This was the inner dialog escaping from my brain and blurting out my mouth.

Needless to say, after a $50 application fee, I was obligated to at least submit a Statement of Objectives, etc.

After several versions and editing sessions, it was ready to mail.

I hadn't told anyone but Heath that I was applying....well, and my references I guess. I was so terrified that I wouldn't get in. Then, I would have to tell everyone. I felt like I might be letting everyone down. I was told that the program was very small and only a small number got in.


Before I knew it, I saw the response from the Department of Psychology...my heart raced. Heath had told me over and over again that I was a "sure-thing." I let out a big breath and opened it...


The first line read, "I am pleased to inform you..."

That was all I needed. I don't think I have ever even read the letter in its entirety.

I was excited, proud, and still a bit scared of what I was committing to.The program is a Masters of Science in Industrial and Organizational Psychology (MIOP). If you aren't familiar, it is like Business and Psychology got together and had a baby. It is applying the scientific method to business processes, like training, evaluation, job analysis, selection, recruiting, etc.

The program is predominately online; however, it did require that I have a two-week residency on the campus. I remember thinking that the two-week residency was the downside of the program. I was wrong.

I kissed my babies, shed a few tears, and headed out. Heath came with me for the Orientation.

I was nervous. Could I really do this again? Did I remember anything from statistics or research methods?

Regardless, it was official. It was time to put my big girl panties on and do my best.


We mingled with many people the first night, reviewing the keepsakes in the alumni center. The sense of pride that the employees and students have for that school? Wow. It was hard not to get wrapped up in it all. Before I knew it, I was feeling very proud as well. I drank the purple Kool-Aid.

First, Manhattan, Kansas is a pretty neat place. It is like a really big small town. I went for a run on campus in the first week and loved everything about it. Second, the people are friendly and the instructors love what they do.

They only selected 12 for my class. They were from all over the United States - California, Washington, Colorado, Iowa, Oklahoma, and of course Kansas.

Anyway, the questions I get all the time are 1) How was it away from the girls, and 2) Was it as hard as you expected?

Yes. It was hard without the girls. I spoke to Lucy on the phone one night and cried when she uttered those little sleepy words, "Goo-bye, Momma." It was pretty hard. But, the majority of the time I didn't have much down time. I was in class all day, doing homework, doing work, networking, or sleeping. Alone time was unheard of, except for that one run I took on campus (the first night). The most "free-time" I had was spent with classmates. As you can imagine, group work is important. So, I made it a priority to get to know these people. I didn't have much time to talk on the phone or even just stop and think about anything...

Heath did come to visit a couple of times though and brought me flowers. :) He is a good hubby. I truly think that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Yes - some purple pride. EMAW. ;)


And, was it as hard as I expected? Yes and no. It is tough...or rather, vigorous and challenging. But, I feel pretty confident in my abilities and my education. Heath was always wondering what I was doing with my time, since I was busy a lot. I would just send him texts like this...

Overall, I had a wonderful experience in Manhattan. Great people, great school, great city, and so on. I am really proud of what I accomplished there so far and look forward to continuing the program. I can't help it, family; I am proud of this school! It represents a big life choice for me and it's a choice that I am incredibly proud of.

Wish me luck as I continue this path! Please wish Heath luck as he helps me! This is a family effort after all. :)

Who knew? EMAW afterall...

Dear Cori

Dear Cori of 2023:

First of all, Happy New Year! Was 2022 all that you imagined it would be? Hell no. Is it ever? Can we ever really predict what this crazy world will bring us? No. If you think you can, tsk-tsk. You, my friend, are taking things for granted.

Anyway, Cori of 2023, the 2013 version of you is quite the know-it-all, smart ass, huh? Agreed.

I thought I would take a moment and remind you of a few things - things that you may want to remember about these days, here is 2013.

Lucy is 3 years old. She has the cutest little toddler voice, all high pitched and her 'L' is a 'W' sound. "Wucy Kisstensen." I cringe at the thought of her ever losing this sweet little voice. She calls you momma too. When she gets really excited, she yells, "Momma! Momma!" It makes my heart smile.

Olive is 6 months old. She is quickly growing out of the cuddle stage. But, she is still allowing you to hold her during her naps, while she makes cute baby snores. This morning, she was staring out of her crib, across the hall. Between the crib slats all you could see were her beautiful, bright eyes. You got a good chuckle out of her goofy smile when you walked into her bedroom.

Heath is currently working three jobs, like the sterotypical man-provider he wants to be. He is working at the College, teaching for them, and doing two new websites as a freelancer. He is still trying to treat you like a princess. He is doing a pretty good job too. The two of you are closer now than you ever were in your almost 12 years together. The other night you apologized to him for the horrendous mess you call a bedroom and master bathroom. He said, "Thank you for saying that. But, I'm just used to it by now." Appreciating our strengths and accepting our weaknesses.

Remember these days? The days where you felt like you didn't have enough time. Your probably think that is silly in 2023. Lucy is 13 now, for you. You would probably love to talk to her about her day, phone-free, and sit by her bed at nighttime talking to her before bed, explaining who the Easter Bunny is, where Santa Claus lives, and why we pray.

You are currently still trying to lose those pesky pounds that you put on when you were pregnant with Olive. It sure is getting harder, as I'm sure you know better now than ever. You can do it though. You have successfully lost 20 lbs at 21 and 49 lbs at 24. What is 52 lbs, really? Remember these silly struggles, just in case you are still battling weight. Turkey and chicken are your friends. But, apparently not close enough friends that you won't eat them...

Chico and Squirty are getting older, but still amazingly loving and hilarious. You laughed pretty hard at Chico the other day when he coughed really hard and let out a big, squeaky toot at the same time. They love you so much and would follow you anywhere. I truly believe that. If you are sitting, they are on your lap. Although they are still terrified of Lucy, they love Olive so much. Chico likes her too much actually. You can't keep him from licking her face. But, we are noticing how old they are getting. Chico is coughing a lot and he can't jump on the furniture very easily. Squirt seems to always be at your feet and doesn't get out of the way like she used to. Both of their eyes are getting foggy. It breaks our heart. But, I know that you remember them fondly, just as we do Co-Co. She has been gone for almost 3 1/2 years and we still talk about her. Better to love and have lost, than to never have loved them at all.

Advice from your younger self:
-  You will never be younger than you are right now. Don't fret about the wrinkles on your neck or your non-glowing skin. Embrace it. It's all down hill from here; this we know.
- You are 27 and can barely stay off Twitter and Facebook. Remember this when Lucy won't put her phone down for 5 seconds. Plus, I am talking about an iPhone 5. Lucy's iPhone 15 will be much, much better!
- If you haven't already, go to Disney World. Go on a Disney Cruise. Do it all now before Lucy gets to be 'too cool' for you, or runs off to college.

I hope this email finds you, Heath, and the girls all well. A lot can happen in ten years - wonderful, amazing things and heart wrenching things as well. The future is always scary. You never know what it holds. The 'unknown' is borderline terrifying. You just have to trust in God. Trust in your relationship. Trust in your parenting. Trust in yourself.

"Lord, help me remember that nothing will happen today that you and I can't handle together."

See you in ten years. Whew...seems like a long time. I better not blink though.

Love,

Cori

Sisters

I can't even begin to describe how my heart bursts when I think of the relationships between Lucy and Olive. When people ask how Lucy has been with the transition of having a baby in the house, I can honestly answer that it more than we could have ever asked for.

Yes. They will fight. They will scream. They will pull each other's hair. One of them will probably claw the other one's arms. One will throw their red cowgirl boots at the other. One will whack the other in the forehead with a broom.

Lucy will whine to me that Olive won't leave her and her friends alone. Olive will cry because Lucy no longer wants to take baths with her.

 
But, they will also share secrets. They might tell each other just one of the presents under the Christmas tree. They will join forces to beg for cookies and to go to the pool. They will takes baths together and drink each other's butt water. You know it's true...

Perhaps Lucy will drive Olive around, cruising for boys. Olive will talk Lucy into letting her do things that she shouldn't.


There will be nights that they gather in front of the television, with a spoon each, eating out of a pan of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.

They will share clothes and makeup. They will secretly use each other's perfume, hoping the other won't notice. And, when clothes go missing, they will know exactly where to look.

Hopefully, they will spend summer nights belting out their favorite songs as loud as they can scream, laughing at incorrect lyrics and flat notes.

They will be able to just give each other a look, knowing what the other is thinking. This will often get them into trouble, especially during completely unacceptable, serious situations.


I will be stuck yelling, "Girls!" in my stern mother voice. Or, pretend to be appalled while announcing, "You two!"

They will fight. Yes. They will love. Yes. They will have a special relationship that cannot compare to any other. It just simply can't be compared.

But, right now, they are over the moon for each other. No fighting. No annoyance. No "sharing" issues. I am basking it all. My heart melts when they giggle together, over something as silly as making a tooting noise with their mouths.

They will take care of each other. I just know it.

Thank the Lord for my babies. And, thank the Lord for sisters. :)

17 Week Update

Just so you know, I had Heath take about four pictures of me this week. I kept trying to get one picture where I didn't look huge. No such luck.

How far along?
I am 17 weeks and 1 day (160 days left)


Baby is the size of a...
Turnip? Like I know what that is. It is 5 inches from head to rump. :) Here is a picture, according to BabyCenter.com, of the turnip we are comparing my baby to:

Symptoms:
I think I am starting to feel kicks every once in a while. I get really big jabs when I move weird or "squish" the poor baby while bending over. I am excited for this part! I know at the end it gets to be a LOT; but, in the second trimester feeling movement is the best! :)

I still feel pretty good. No more headaches in a while! Yay! My appetite is still really spotty. I don't want anything at all and nothing sounds good, then all of a sudden I think of or see an item and I want it really bad. I have been really wanting mozzarella sticks, or cheddar bites, or basically anything fried with cheese. Yum - I'm making myself hungry. Heath has let me indulge lately. I think he just wants to make sure I am eating.

Oh, I did wake up last night and my hips hurt for the first time. I am not looking forward to that again! :(

Anything New?
I am still in my regular clothes. I am in between right now, which is the worst. My normal pants don't button; but, maternity pants are awkwardly big. I have a lot of capris that I can wear; but, the weather started to get chilly again. :( Then, my legs are so pasty too that I'm self-conscience.

I have been dreaming a LOT lately. They are such odd and aimless dreams too. It is bugging me; I wake up and I don't feel rested. I did have a dream over the weekend that I had triplet girls. I apparently like to scare myself in dreams and have multiples; I think I'm accessing some tiny fear in the back of my mind. haha. Anyway, in the dream, I had to name the babies. I completely blanked on all of the names that Heath and I have actually discussed. I was trying to talk Heath into some names and all began with the letter 'A' - again! Remember I had a dream about the name 'Audrey'? More 'A' names...(perhaps I watch too much Pretty Little Liars). This time I suggested to Heath, "Amy, Amsey, Arie, Aria, Aurora" and some others that I couldn't remember. It is really odd to me, because Heath and I have never even considered an 'A' name.

New with Heath?
I really don't know. I'll be honest. He has been working really hard on Lucy's big girl room and talking about the finances when the baby comes; but, that is about it. I guess that is the dad's job - make sure the finances are set and get the house ready. It is my job to get all "mushy-gushy" about the baby and obsess over my growing bump.

Don't get me wrong, he still occasionally rubs my stomach and says things about having another one running around. :) It just isn't as "real" to him...not that I am any more prepared mentally.

With Lucy?
She is getting settled into her new room. She has been in there since last Saturday night. We are trying to get her used to the new room; so, when the baby comes, she won't have any attachment to the nursery still. I am crossing my fingers!

She still points are her own belly and mine to say, "Baby in dere." We tell her that, "Yes - there is a baby in mommy's belly." She makes me laugh, because she treats it like one of her dolls and says, "It cryin!" I always say, "No, baby's sleeping." Then, I had the crazy thought that maybe she has some baby ESP and the baby really is crying. Wouldn't that be creepy? haha.

We get to watch a friend's baby for about an hour on Saturday morning. :) I'm so excited. Plus, we think it is great for Lucy to be around a baby. It still bothers her when Heath holds him. So, we will see if we can warm Lucy up a bit to the idea.

Anything else?
Hmmm...dreams, symptoms, oh! I just remembered. I think my motherly intuition is finally speaking to me. For some reason the other day I was sitting in the living room and I told Heath, "I think it's a boy." At that moment, I just did. I just felt like all signs are pointing to a boy (except for my dreams!). Of course, Heath just smiled at that idea. I don't know how reliable my intuition is; but, we will soon see.

Oh, and I had a Facebook friend tell me that she had a dream about me and the baby too. I asked her what the sex was and she said that it was a boy. Who knows?! :)

Twenty-Six

Now, to my older than 26-year-old readers, I'm just a baby. Or, perhaps a young pup. Or, maybe just a year behind you or so. But, to me, 26 is...weird. I'm over the hump of the twenties. I am on the wrong side of 25.
As I was reminded though, I'm on the right side of 30. I guess I could be optimistic.

What did I think I would be doing when I was 26? What did I hope to achieve?

At one year old, I'm sure I thought that in 26 years, I would, well....be walking, talking, going to the restroom on a "potty," and being able to eat candy anytime I wanted. So, far, I've been pretty good to my 1 year old self. I've definitely mastered most of those things.

At three, let's be honest - I probably thought I was going to marry my grandpa and he would take care of me for the rest of my life. And, perhaps I would learn to wash my face and smile a bit less cheesy.

From 5 to 9 years old, I thought I would someday legally change my name to 'Michelle' and find a 'Derek' to marry. I don't think I yet had thought about what I was going to do for a living, or what I would name my children - besides possibly 'Michelle' and 'Derek.' But, I knew that I was going to live in a "mansion" and drive a "really nice" car. Nikki? Well, she would be stuck with me forever. I was just sure that we would have houses with secret tunnels to connect our bedrooms.

During my pre-teen years, I had become a little more practical. My name would forever be 'Cori.' And, I would someday actually have to work for a living. I thought at this point that I may someday become a lawyer; I had the arguing thing down pat, just ask my mother. Plus, I heard once that lawyers made good money. :)

In high school, I imagined myself marrying Heath. Who knew that I would actually be right?! I knew that college was in my future and I wanted to help people with their problems. I thought that I would somehow manage to be the dad on Growing Pains. I would be a psychologist that had an office in my home and I could come and go to work as I pleased. The thought of bringing mentally unstable people into my home never once occurred to me. But, I did know that I wanted to have children someday; I would name them Alexandria and Tanner.

 

My senior year, I was headed to college and I was still planning on going into psychology. I was going to be a counselor. I still planned on marrying Heath someday and having little, freckled babies. I thought a little girl may have blonde hair that was naturally curly like her daddy's.

After the college, freshman 15 (pounds!) and an internship of helping battered women, I had changed my plans a bit. I was not going to be a counselor and I had mastered weight watchers. I was going to be a hot, middle-aged momma attending my children's sporting events. And, as far as a job, well, psychology was versatile right? Perhaps I would steer it in the human resources direction.

At graduation, I got my degree in Psychology with a minor. I was engaged to Heath and had two steps of my "path" sealed. :) I knew that I wanted to go on and get my masters - before I turned 25 I was going to be at least enrolled. I even had a job. The job type wasn't in my plan, but that happens. We had even bought a house - big step! The house had three bedrooms. That would work for the three children I had decided to have. Why three? I don't know for sure.  It just felt right.

After our marriage, we discussed my master's degree options. We also discussed having children. While Heath got his MBA, my masters got put on hold. We decided it could wait until after we started a family. Then, I got a different job. It still wasn't part of the plan, but that happens.

When we had Lucy, I started to think that I might not be the hot momma attending my children's sporting events after all. Staying fit was hard and with each year (and I'm sure child), it got a little harder!  But, I loved being a mom. I knew I wanted more. Everything else in my life remained the same - stable, if you will. I liked it that way.

I'm now 26. Am I living the way I thought I would be? Yes and no. Would I change a thing? No. I will never look back on my life and say, "I wish I would have." Without the decisions I have made, I may not have ended up here. I don't like that idea.

"Don't ever regret your decisions in life. At one time, that was exactly what you wanted." - Unknown

I am so happy with my life and blessed beyond belief.

Slow Dance

It was a Friday night and the whole family, all three of us, were in the kitchen. I don't remember if I was cooking or cleaning, or just being idle. I was standing in the doorway, leaning up against the side, dishtowel in hand, watching Heath and Lucy run around.

I had changed the radio station to one of my favorite "oldies" station. Fleetwood Mac's "Dreams" came on - one of my favorites. I immediately began to sing the lyrics, or what I knew at least, aloud.

Heath picked Lucy up, setting her bottom on his forearm. With his free hand, he grabbed Lucy's hand. They began to dance. Heath swayed back and forth mouthing a word here and there. Lucy looked into her daddy's eyes and giggled in between smiles.

I loved that moment. Although I was just a somewhat emotionally involved bystander, I know how special it was. I thought to myself. In 20 years or so, I will probably be watching this again. But, instead of in our kitchen, they will be having their father/daughter dance at Lucy's wedding.

I closed my eyes tight and tried to file that moment into my memory bank. I wonder if I will think of it years from now...and if it will warm my heart just the same.

"Don't cry over the past; it's gone. Don't stress about the future; it hasn't arrived. Live in the present and make it beautiful."