Dear...

Dear Readers...I am fully aware that I am absent from this blog and have been for months now. I keep promising you that I will change and I continue my evil ways. Sorry. I look at it this way - it's better to write a few times a month than not at all. Truth be told - I have had this particular post prepped and almost ready to go for several weeks now. (tsk-tsk)

Dear Lucy...fedoras are in. Or, well, at least they were last year. I don't know if they are still. But, they have been "in" fairly recently. So, when you get older, don't ridicule me. You love this hat. In fact, you picked it out yourself. It's a Fe-"Dora" hat. Love that joke!

Dear Readers...I often feel compelled to use "haha" and "LOL" on my blog. As you have probably noticed as well, I usually give into this temptation. I have also used emoticons against my better "writing-style" judgement [  :)  ;)  :(  ]. But, lately, my overwhelming urge to use slang and hashtags is getting the best of me.  
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Dear Everyone...I am completely obsessed with coral lately. It's serious. I LOVE it. I think it may have taken over my red obsession. #Legit

Look at the clothing that I am trying on, hanging to my right. Seriously obsessed!

 

Dear Work...You need to be a little less stressful. I'm trying to grow out my nails and you are making it very difficult. Any time I stop typing, I'm biting my nails. Darn!

Dear Olive...Your cry-smiling is very confusing. Are you happy or sad? I don't know what to do! (Come to find out, you just want to be held.) :)

Dear Twitter...You got me. I'm addicted. You've taken over Pinterest. But, I still love Pinterest for great organization and decor tips.

Dear Curly-Haired People...What in the world am I to do with this? It's sooo naturally curly! :)

Dear Summer...Why do you and winter want to take over spring? What did he ever do to you? Let him go...

Dear Olive...You look like me. Some may say its a curse. I say it's a blessing. ;) I love that you look like me, especially when you make your "duh" face. I don't know how I feel about that part though. Does that mean that I look "duh" most of the time?


Dear Readers...Although I often times promise things, I sincerely think you can look forward to posts about the zoo, graduate school, running, and of course the girls! :) I have some in progress!

Dear Jari, Hannah, & Nikki...Vegas was amazing and I can't wait to go back again. Seriously, lets do it again. #srsly

Dear Anyone Who Loves Food as Much as I Do...If you love a good cheeseburger and homemade onion rings, you need to find yourself a Johnny Rockets. It is delicious. I may or may not have eaten there three days in a row, while in Vegas. The closest one to us is like hours and hours away. But, I tweeted them and they promised me that they will eventually get to Kansas City. Haha. They are also "Home of the Las Vegas Squealer - with cheddar cheese." The Squeeler is 60% beef and 40% bacon. That sounds awesome, but my lack of gallbladder won't let me eat bacon. Whomp-whomp.

  Dear June...Where did you come from?! Wasn't it just May 1st?

Anxiety? PPD? Or just Crazy?

Perhaps it’s doubt –as in: I doubt they have my symptoms in the DSM IV. Unless the ‘D’ in PPD stands for dramatic, I doubt that I have that either. And lastly, I doubt I can handle this situation without tears. :(

I tend to overanalyze, overcompensate, overdramatize, and just plain overdo it. I feel like I can get my point across much better that way. So, here we go: I am semi-freaking out. I am not really sure what the ‘freaking out’ part means. That is why I have been trying to self-diagnose myself.

I am going to be away from Lucy for 4 ½ days! Once again, I am going to be away from Lucy for 4 ½ days!!! Notice the three exclamation points, which stands for the resounding echo in my head.

I coyly told myself initially that I could totally handle this situation. Lucy is almost 6 months old, eating cereal, and is so close to sitting up on her own. She will be with family and more specifically, her daddy. She will be in good hands and no one will want to leave her side for a second. Being around family will be good for her. Then why am I semi-freaking out?

Let me fill you in. Heath’s family has a lake-side timeshare near Branson, Missouri. He is one of six children and by some miracle all of the kids are able to attend a family vacation. Of course, we will be there and of course, the only grandchild, Lucy, will be there! Oh wait, I have hardly any vacation time built up (maternity leave, gallbladder surgery, and a family cruise scheduled for late fall).

Rock – Cori – Hard Place

It is only right if Heath and Lucy go with his family for the entire week. I am not going to be the wicked daughter-in-law who the family hates and keep them from doing so. The solution was simple. Heath and Lucy head down with the family early and I head down later, taking only two and a half days off of work. I can finish out the week in the sun, along the lake, and with the family. It sounds amazing. But, you know what isn’t amazing? Having your baby away from you for 4 ½ days!!! Once again, three exclamation points!

What am I going to do to ease my mind before I go to sleep? Repeatedly check on an empty crib?

I can’t begin to name all of the things that I will miss and obsess over in just four days. I am hoping that some mothers out there understand what I am saying. I know it is semi-irrational, but I am having some serious anxiety about it. So much so, that I haven’t slept well the last couple of nights. I just lie in bed obsessing over the idea.

Many older mothers just tell me, “well, it was going to happen sometime.” Yes, but it feels so soon and please don’t compare your child going to college to me and my baby.

Since I know I won’t be able to come full circle in this post and somehow find a resolution or comfort, I’ll leave you with this quote. I feel it now more than ever.

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” – Elizabeth Stone