Motherhood

I think I am finally into the swing of things!

My brain has finally wrapped around the idea that my house will forever be an unorganized mess of unfolded laundry, scattered toys, and random burp cloths and socks everywhere! Although when they are teens I expect that those items will be replaced with dirty laundry, drinking cups or pop cans, and their shoes...

Although my house is a complete disaster, I am more at ease with it than ever. Take that however you want. It doesn't mean that I've given up and we will live in a pig pen the rest of our lives. It just means that I have finally realized what my Uncle Matt was trying to tell me. The dirty, unorganized house is the trade off to having little kids and a full-time job. It happens. I have accepted that. One room gets clean and another gets dirty. Got it. And, the dishes will need to be done nightly to keep them contained. Otherwise, they come heaping up out of the sink and we start to creatively stack them to keep the tower going. The great plus to that is that the sink can be seen when someone steps foot into our house. It's a great first impression - a real statement maker.

Moving on...

I've heard moms say that they were much more overprotective of their first one than the second. I think that is true to a certain extent. I was pretty damn psycho with Lucy; I'll be the first to admit that. I was seriously bat-shit crazy.With Olive am I just as "cray-cray?" You bet your ass I am.

I apologize for the cussing. I feel compelled. Perhaps it is that I am watching too much Breaking Bad, yo!

Anyway, with Olive I am just as crazy. I just do a much, much better job of two things: 1) suppressing my crazy and 2) being more assertive.

I have learned that as crazy and paranoid as I am that there are certain things out of my control. With Lucy, I used to stay awake at night worrying about her. I know it didn't do any good. So, with Olive for instance, if I have a fan going to keep air circulating, remove all blankets from the crib, and make sure she isn't too hot, I have done almost everything I can to prevent SIDS. It is in God's hands after that. All I can do is pray with all my heart and soul and hope that is enough.

I am also much better at being more assertive. I think that possibly comes with age or something. I am just way more outspoken these days (bad thing sometimes). But, as I get older I yearn for approval less and less. Plus, I think I feel more confident about the people around me. I know that they love me for me and will accept me, even if I ask them to not put Olive to sleep with a blanket. They know I'm crazy; what's new?

So, in my book, is the second one easier? Yes - in all ways possible. Olive is an easier baby and I am more composed as a mother.

I have finally settled into motherhood; it only took 3 years. I sincerely think it took that long to forget my life pre-Lucy and to completely let go of it. Now, don't get me wrong. I would never ever in my wildest dreams go back or give up my babies, now or before. But, I just kept comparing everything to the way it was before. I somehow expected the house to be as clean, for things to be as organized, for getting ready to take the same time, for my body to go right back to the way it was, for Heath and I to have as much time together. I thought that everything would be the same, just with a baby, happiness, zoo trips, vacations, and a few diapers. It is so, so much more. I don't think anything, ANYTHING, can properly prepare you for the physical, emotional, and mental journey that is parenting.

In conclusion, Olive had great timing. She just so happened to come when I had my greatest epiphany yet. Judge my house, judge my crazy, but just know - I am a mother. :)

Additional Thoughts:

• This post does not get me out of having occasional melt downs about how unorganized the house is and how little time I have to be superwoman. They will still happen on rare occasion; trust me.
• I highly recommend Breaking Bad, but it is super graphic and cussy. What do you expect? It's about meth. Thanks to my Uncle, Aunt, and cousins.

Weight Loss Journey 3

Yes. I am on a weight loss journey again. This is my third. Apparently when life throws big changes my way, I gain lots of weight. But, I think baby weight is to be expected. I am just an overachiever and gain 50+ lbs.

My weight loss with Lucy seems like so long ago that I can't remember how long it really took. I know that I was back within 5 lbs in 10 months. So, what can I expect at almost 7 months post Olive? I feel, overall, that I am doing pretty good. I am 4 lbs away from being at my pre-Olive weight. I am 14 lbs away from my pre-Lucy. Darn it. I will get there and stay there someday.

What have I been doing? Mostly I've been calorie counting. It is working and making me lose between a pound and two pounds a week, depending on how much I cheat. Cheating usually involves a night out to eat, where I can't keep my hands off of the salsa and chips, or daiquiris, or Cool Ranch Dorito taco. Mmm...

I have also worked out a little, not as much as I would like. It is very difficult with the girls. I would like to work out after they go to sleep, but it is dark at that time. This summer will be nice. It also isn't warm enough yet to take them out with the jogging stroller. I did a couple of weeks ago, when it was warmer. Remember that? Two days? Oh well, it was amazing. They loved it and I did too, even though I about died! 

I have been stalling lately. So, I've been doing a lot of research on how to boost metabolism and what stalls weight loss, etc. But, I thought the ultimate motivation would be....accountability. It has always been a great motivator for me. My cousin, Hannah, did that already by setting me up on HealthRally: Cori vs. Baby Weight. It allows me to update my few followers on my progress. It puts a percentage to it as well, which helps when I can see the percentage of completion growing.

Heath has also motivated me with the promise of a shopping spree. :)

Finally, I am very, very motivated by a trip to Vegas. This trip will be taken on May 1st - 5 weeks and two days. I have to get in better shape before then! I would ideally get to my goal weight and have the shopping spree before then, or while in Vegas. That would be amazing. So, I am trying really, really hard.

Want to see how far I've come? Of course you do. Everyone loves before and afters! (I may or may not have taken some very formal before photos. I will have to show you those when I reach my goal.)

I know these aren't as good as posed, premeditated photos. That is why some day I might show you the other ones I took. Perhaps I won't be as embarrassed about them when I get to my goal.

I swear my face was chubbier after I had Olive than when I was pregnant!

 I miss my thick hair though... My top-knot used to be so big and thick. Sad, sad, sad.

To wrap this post all up, I hope you guys don't mind me sharing some of my battle with weight in the next couple of weeks. I feel like it is an important part of being a mommy. I think most mommas deal with getting back to "normal" after baby - if in no other way but weight.

Wish me luck! Oh, and I signed up for a 5K at the end of May. I HAVE to take training more seriously! I am gonna die..

Judging

People are judgy. They are. It's just a fact. Even if they don't comment on you in a malicious way, they still have an opinion about the way you are living your life. Now, I realize that when I say people that totally includes me. I find myself being judgy. I hate it. I seriously do. I don't want to be so judgey. In fact, after I say something really bitchy, I usually regret it later. If my mind could just keep up with my mouth, we'd be fine.

Are there things that you don't talk about, because you are afraid that people will judge you? Or, disagree and make things awkward?

Hopefully, I am not alone in these things. I would like to think that someone else out there feels that way too. But, sometimes it is just nice to vent - to let it all out there. Take me as you will.

1. I like McDonalds. I like it a lot. I am super sad/angry that they nixed the super sizes of french fries. I like it so much in fact, you know that picture that has circulated the web? The one with that pink ice cream looking stuff, that is supposedly processed chicken? It doesn't bother me. I could sit and eat an entire box of 20 chicken McNuggets while staring at that picture.
2. I do not take a shower everyday. In fact, I will go several days without washing my hair.
   
3. When Olive couldn't quite hold the bottle on her own and I was is in the same room, I would occasionally prop her bottle to cook supper. Keep in mind, before you call CPS, I was in the same room.
4. Until very recently, I didn't go to church frequently. This has nothing to do with my relationship with God. As a result though, I cannot routinely quote the Bible. 
5. I breastfed the girls for about 5 to 6 weeks, but I didn't love it. I did it strictly for Lucy and Olive. If it were for me, I would go straight to the bottle.
   
6. I am a child of divorce. I think that it was best for my parents. It was hard at the time, but it was best for everyone's future. 
7. I do not floss regularly. I know I should.
8. I give my dogs kisses, which allows them to lick my face. Yes. I know. They lick their butts.  
9. I wear jeans several times before putting them in the wash.
10. I have a filthy, filthy car. That includes the junk and trash in the doors and the dust on the dash.
11. I am horrible at stacking clothing at the end of the bed, until my closet is half empty. When people come over, I have to shut our bedroom door.
12. I take the occasional picture of myself for no good reason other than the fact that I have put on makeup and dressed halfway descent (#selfie). 
13. I don't wash my makeup off at night.
14. I like Alanis Morrisette. I do. I listen to 'The Collection' while I run. It's very angry.
15. I bite my nails and cuticles. It is a nasty habit. It gets worse with boredom or nervousness.

Well, now you know all of my life's dirty details - or, at least 15 of them.

One day, I'm sure I will regret not taking "better care of myself."  But, at 27, I've accepted my bad habits. I know better. But, it's up to me.


What are you afraid people will judge you on?

Dear Cori

Dear Cori of 2023:

First of all, Happy New Year! Was 2022 all that you imagined it would be? Hell no. Is it ever? Can we ever really predict what this crazy world will bring us? No. If you think you can, tsk-tsk. You, my friend, are taking things for granted.

Anyway, Cori of 2023, the 2013 version of you is quite the know-it-all, smart ass, huh? Agreed.

I thought I would take a moment and remind you of a few things - things that you may want to remember about these days, here is 2013.

Lucy is 3 years old. She has the cutest little toddler voice, all high pitched and her 'L' is a 'W' sound. "Wucy Kisstensen." I cringe at the thought of her ever losing this sweet little voice. She calls you momma too. When she gets really excited, she yells, "Momma! Momma!" It makes my heart smile.

Olive is 6 months old. She is quickly growing out of the cuddle stage. But, she is still allowing you to hold her during her naps, while she makes cute baby snores. This morning, she was staring out of her crib, across the hall. Between the crib slats all you could see were her beautiful, bright eyes. You got a good chuckle out of her goofy smile when you walked into her bedroom.

Heath is currently working three jobs, like the sterotypical man-provider he wants to be. He is working at the College, teaching for them, and doing two new websites as a freelancer. He is still trying to treat you like a princess. He is doing a pretty good job too. The two of you are closer now than you ever were in your almost 12 years together. The other night you apologized to him for the horrendous mess you call a bedroom and master bathroom. He said, "Thank you for saying that. But, I'm just used to it by now." Appreciating our strengths and accepting our weaknesses.

Remember these days? The days where you felt like you didn't have enough time. Your probably think that is silly in 2023. Lucy is 13 now, for you. You would probably love to talk to her about her day, phone-free, and sit by her bed at nighttime talking to her before bed, explaining who the Easter Bunny is, where Santa Claus lives, and why we pray.

You are currently still trying to lose those pesky pounds that you put on when you were pregnant with Olive. It sure is getting harder, as I'm sure you know better now than ever. You can do it though. You have successfully lost 20 lbs at 21 and 49 lbs at 24. What is 52 lbs, really? Remember these silly struggles, just in case you are still battling weight. Turkey and chicken are your friends. But, apparently not close enough friends that you won't eat them...

Chico and Squirty are getting older, but still amazingly loving and hilarious. You laughed pretty hard at Chico the other day when he coughed really hard and let out a big, squeaky toot at the same time. They love you so much and would follow you anywhere. I truly believe that. If you are sitting, they are on your lap. Although they are still terrified of Lucy, they love Olive so much. Chico likes her too much actually. You can't keep him from licking her face. But, we are noticing how old they are getting. Chico is coughing a lot and he can't jump on the furniture very easily. Squirt seems to always be at your feet and doesn't get out of the way like she used to. Both of their eyes are getting foggy. It breaks our heart. But, I know that you remember them fondly, just as we do Co-Co. She has been gone for almost 3 1/2 years and we still talk about her. Better to love and have lost, than to never have loved them at all.

Advice from your younger self:
-  You will never be younger than you are right now. Don't fret about the wrinkles on your neck or your non-glowing skin. Embrace it. It's all down hill from here; this we know.
- You are 27 and can barely stay off Twitter and Facebook. Remember this when Lucy won't put her phone down for 5 seconds. Plus, I am talking about an iPhone 5. Lucy's iPhone 15 will be much, much better!
- If you haven't already, go to Disney World. Go on a Disney Cruise. Do it all now before Lucy gets to be 'too cool' for you, or runs off to college.

I hope this email finds you, Heath, and the girls all well. A lot can happen in ten years - wonderful, amazing things and heart wrenching things as well. The future is always scary. You never know what it holds. The 'unknown' is borderline terrifying. You just have to trust in God. Trust in your relationship. Trust in your parenting. Trust in yourself.

"Lord, help me remember that nothing will happen today that you and I can't handle together."

See you in ten years. Whew...seems like a long time. I better not blink though.

Love,

Cori

Sisters

I can't even begin to describe how my heart bursts when I think of the relationships between Lucy and Olive. When people ask how Lucy has been with the transition of having a baby in the house, I can honestly answer that it more than we could have ever asked for.

Yes. They will fight. They will scream. They will pull each other's hair. One of them will probably claw the other one's arms. One will throw their red cowgirl boots at the other. One will whack the other in the forehead with a broom.

Lucy will whine to me that Olive won't leave her and her friends alone. Olive will cry because Lucy no longer wants to take baths with her.

 
But, they will also share secrets. They might tell each other just one of the presents under the Christmas tree. They will join forces to beg for cookies and to go to the pool. They will takes baths together and drink each other's butt water. You know it's true...

Perhaps Lucy will drive Olive around, cruising for boys. Olive will talk Lucy into letting her do things that she shouldn't.


There will be nights that they gather in front of the television, with a spoon each, eating out of a pan of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.

They will share clothes and makeup. They will secretly use each other's perfume, hoping the other won't notice. And, when clothes go missing, they will know exactly where to look.

Hopefully, they will spend summer nights belting out their favorite songs as loud as they can scream, laughing at incorrect lyrics and flat notes.

They will be able to just give each other a look, knowing what the other is thinking. This will often get them into trouble, especially during completely unacceptable, serious situations.


I will be stuck yelling, "Girls!" in my stern mother voice. Or, pretend to be appalled while announcing, "You two!"

They will fight. Yes. They will love. Yes. They will have a special relationship that cannot compare to any other. It just simply can't be compared.

But, right now, they are over the moon for each other. No fighting. No annoyance. No "sharing" issues. I am basking it all. My heart melts when they giggle together, over something as silly as making a tooting noise with their mouths.

They will take care of each other. I just know it.

Thank the Lord for my babies. And, thank the Lord for sisters. :)