Stressing for the Sake of Kids

Once upon a time I had one child in elementary, one in preschool, and one that was lovingly attached to my leg most days. I got up in the morning, barely put myself together, got the two older ones around, and maybe found a pair of Uggs to walk to the garage and get into the van. I buckled the youngest one in, who may or may not have been in his pajamas still, from the night before. At our school drop off, we were impressing no one.

During that time in my life, we also lived in a home that was a bit outdated and in need of a Johanna Gaines-type overhaul, but was completely maintenance free. It was new enough to be clean and nice; but old enough to have peach grout and honey oak everything. I had done all that I felt I could with that home, and cleaned almost daily. Also, I was not involved on any local Boards or teaching online yet. So, my cleaning schedule was fairly easy to maintain. And, yes, I had a cleaning schedule... (I heart organization.)

Do you have a clear photo in your mind of what my days were like? I actually had plenty of time to do things. Time to enjoy my kids before they were involved with numerous things themselves.

So, when Red Ribbon Week came around back then, and the school released the themes of each day, we went all out. We busted out the markers, old t-shirts, tulle, ribbons, and glue gun, and we made costumes. I remember that Lucy loved it and even told me on one such day, "Today is going to be epic." Whew! What expectations, right? When is the last time you got your hair done and that was enough to make the rest of the day "epic?" It meant a lot to her.

Fast forward to now. I am teaching three courses online, involved with one Board officially, one unofficially, helping out with the kids' activities, and am in the middle of a complete home renovation (different house, which we took down to the studs). I'm not saying that I am any busier than any other Mom. I am probably less so than most. Nevertheless, compared to two years ago, I am swamped.

We received the Red Ribbon Week schedule again this year. They had cut down on theme days; I believe it to be the voice of parents who implemented such a change. Only three days this time, and they were fairly simple (or so it would seem).

Today, Tuesday, was superhero day. I am sure this day was chosen as an easy option, as most kids have superhero gear already. But, sadly, we do not. Heath and I liked the Batman movies when we were kids, and who didn't love Captain Planet, etc.?! But, we have not gotten much into the Marvel comic characters or superheros, as adults. We saw Deadpool and that's about it... Naturally, this translates to our children and they do not watch much of that stuff or have clothing representative of it either. That meant, to participate, I would have to be creative. Ugh! I love being crafty...when I have time. But, last night, was a busy night. I had a board meeting, and Lucy and I had practice. I still needed to complete a few items for the courses that I am teaching, and write a letter for another Board. It was a chaotic Monday, whether typical or not.

So, when Lucy asked about the "Superhero outfits" at approximately 9 PM, I didn't know what to say really. I wanted to say, "Nah, we aren't going to do it." It wasn't even that I had these spectacular ideas and didn't have the energy to execute them. I really didn't have a clue how I could "create" superheros from literally nothing. Cut t-shirts into capes? Glue an emblem on the front of an old shirt? No idea.

I did what any mom would do; I dismissed Lucy, told her to get to bed, and finished my to-do list with multiple huffs and swigs of caffeine. It wasn't until I poured myself into bed at midnight that I thought, "What am I going to do about super-hero day tomorrow?" I was kind of irritated with my younger self, for setting the bar so high, dammit. But, the kids loved it and I knew that I simply couldn't tell them to forget about it. Lucy would undoubtedly tell me that she was "the only one who wasn't dressed up." I know that it wouldn't be true, but the guilt would feel like it was.

I quickly searched Pinterest for a few ideas, came up with some possibilities and prayed (not literally) that I could find everything I needed in the morning. Zzzzz.....

When my alarm went off this morning, I wanted to hit snooze. I am a big fan of the snooze button. I start my alarm almost an hour before I need to get up, just so I can hit snooze multiple times (about six times, actually). The only thing that got me out of bed was Red Ribbon Week, Superhero Day...

Thankfully I found a Batman shirt that my mom bought Henry, and a mask that my sister bought him. Typical boy - he was set. Easy peasy. Then, the girls...By some miracle from God, they each had black pants, black shirts, and black shoes that FIT and were CLEAN. Hallelujah! I quickly threw on some cat ears for Olive, a random blue cape for Lucy, and we were well on our way to Cat Woman and a female Batman. Olive had no clue who Cat Woman was, but went along with it, as I knew she would.

After searching for face paint, I came up with just one little black pen. It had to work. I drew masks on the girls and held my breath, while they stood in front of the mirror.

"I love it," they said. And, I knew my status as "Awesome Momma" was safe.

I somehow managed to be successful today, with Red Ribbon Week - theme day number 1. But, it was not without shortness, and complaining, and irritation, and telling Olive the same thing five times. Or, saying, "Hold still!" to Lucy enough times to make me blue in the face. It was accompanied by "hurry up"s and "we are gonna be late!"s. It was a very grumpy, rushed, stressful morning.

I sit back now and wonder. Will they remember the "awesome" costumes and face paint that Momma helped them with for school? Or, will they remember that Momma was a freakin' psycho this morning, who wouldn't stop rolling her eyes, huffing, and asking, "Why aren't you doing what I said?!"

Of course, in those moments, we think the important thing is the day. The task at hand. If we can just get to school on time, dressed up, I will be successful. But, is that true? If I am a complete asshole in the process, is it really being successful? And, successful at what exactly? I'm praying that the joy of what today brings will erase the memories of their stressed out, jerk-of-a-Momma.

It's funny, right? You think you are doing something great for your kids, but in the process are not being a great example... I believe we do that a lot as parents. We stress out trying to create these amazing memories for our kids; but, we often run the risk of their memories being about our stress instead. Aren't several of your own memories about your parents, just them being completely fed up with you and your siblings on trips and vacations? Yeah. They were just trying to do something nice for us and it was incredibly stressful.

Tomorrow's theme is "orange day."

Friday is "red day."

I think I can handle those...

Motherhood

I think I am finally into the swing of things!

My brain has finally wrapped around the idea that my house will forever be an unorganized mess of unfolded laundry, scattered toys, and random burp cloths and socks everywhere! Although when they are teens I expect that those items will be replaced with dirty laundry, drinking cups or pop cans, and their shoes...

Although my house is a complete disaster, I am more at ease with it than ever. Take that however you want. It doesn't mean that I've given up and we will live in a pig pen the rest of our lives. It just means that I have finally realized what my Uncle Matt was trying to tell me. The dirty, unorganized house is the trade off to having little kids and a full-time job. It happens. I have accepted that. One room gets clean and another gets dirty. Got it. And, the dishes will need to be done nightly to keep them contained. Otherwise, they come heaping up out of the sink and we start to creatively stack them to keep the tower going. The great plus to that is that the sink can be seen when someone steps foot into our house. It's a great first impression - a real statement maker.

Moving on...

I've heard moms say that they were much more overprotective of their first one than the second. I think that is true to a certain extent. I was pretty damn psycho with Lucy; I'll be the first to admit that. I was seriously bat-shit crazy.With Olive am I just as "cray-cray?" You bet your ass I am.

I apologize for the cussing. I feel compelled. Perhaps it is that I am watching too much Breaking Bad, yo!

Anyway, with Olive I am just as crazy. I just do a much, much better job of two things: 1) suppressing my crazy and 2) being more assertive.

I have learned that as crazy and paranoid as I am that there are certain things out of my control. With Lucy, I used to stay awake at night worrying about her. I know it didn't do any good. So, with Olive for instance, if I have a fan going to keep air circulating, remove all blankets from the crib, and make sure she isn't too hot, I have done almost everything I can to prevent SIDS. It is in God's hands after that. All I can do is pray with all my heart and soul and hope that is enough.

I am also much better at being more assertive. I think that possibly comes with age or something. I am just way more outspoken these days (bad thing sometimes). But, as I get older I yearn for approval less and less. Plus, I think I feel more confident about the people around me. I know that they love me for me and will accept me, even if I ask them to not put Olive to sleep with a blanket. They know I'm crazy; what's new?

So, in my book, is the second one easier? Yes - in all ways possible. Olive is an easier baby and I am more composed as a mother.

I have finally settled into motherhood; it only took 3 years. I sincerely think it took that long to forget my life pre-Lucy and to completely let go of it. Now, don't get me wrong. I would never ever in my wildest dreams go back or give up my babies, now or before. But, I just kept comparing everything to the way it was before. I somehow expected the house to be as clean, for things to be as organized, for getting ready to take the same time, for my body to go right back to the way it was, for Heath and I to have as much time together. I thought that everything would be the same, just with a baby, happiness, zoo trips, vacations, and a few diapers. It is so, so much more. I don't think anything, ANYTHING, can properly prepare you for the physical, emotional, and mental journey that is parenting.

In conclusion, Olive had great timing. She just so happened to come when I had my greatest epiphany yet. Judge my house, judge my crazy, but just know - I am a mother. :)

Additional Thoughts:

• This post does not get me out of having occasional melt downs about how unorganized the house is and how little time I have to be superwoman. They will still happen on rare occasion; trust me.
• I highly recommend Breaking Bad, but it is super graphic and cussy. What do you expect? It's about meth. Thanks to my Uncle, Aunt, and cousins.

The Gadgets Change...

but, apparently, that is it.

Oh, and maybe camera quality. :)

Ten Years

Ten years is a long time? No?

When I look at what has all happened to me in the last ten years, it's easier to understand. However, when I think about ten years being almost half of my life, thus far, it seems like a very long time.

Today, Heath and I have been together for ten years. Holy cow.

First year together

Still learning about one another and our crazy quirks

He would visit from college to support me :)

We were blessed with a God-son

Goofing off, in college together

Learning to be "adults" ;)

Husband and wife

Praying to become "Mommy" and "Daddy"

Thanking the Lord for our Blessings

Continuing on with this crazy life!

Proms, graduations, college, a house, chihuahuas, new cars, a wedding, remodeling, and a baby Lucy later...and, we are still so happy together.

Here is to the next ten years, hunny! Let's hope it brings us more blessing (babies!) and maybe even a winning lottery ticket. I can dream can't I? :)

I love you Heath.

24 Hours?

Sometimes I just don't believe that there are 24 hours in my day.

I'm a momma.
I'm a wife.
I'm a family person.
I'm a friend.
I'm a full-time employee.
I'm a house cleaner.
I'm a cook.
I'm a chauffeur.
I'm a lover of television.
I'm a sleeper.
I'm a night person.
I'm a wanna-be exerciser.
I'm an on-again/off-again weight watcher.
I'm a lover of junk food.
I'm a shopper.
I'm an organizer.
I'm a coupon clipper.
I'm a blogger.

I sometimes just can't get the hang of things.

At work I am very organized. I mean it is borderline OCD ridiculous. I have two calendars, an electronic one and a paper one. I will plan time to "map out" my schedule, several times a year. I am always adding items to my 'To-Do' list and if I don't get them done that day, it moves to the next. Nothing ever goes undone.

At home? Sunday - fold the laundry. Didn't get it done. Monday - fold the laundry. Tuesday - fold the laundry. Nope. Let's just say - it still needs to be done and it's Thursday. Ugh!

Our bedroom looks like a small bomb went off in my closet. The laundry room and den are in serious need of organizing/cleaning. The closets are to a point where I am afraid items may fall on me when I open the doors! And, don't even get me started on the master bathroom. :{

The good thing is that from the "outside" it all looks good. :) The rooms that visitors see are pretty clean and organized! Kudos for that, right? Maybe...

I've been thinking about making a calendar/to-do list for home. I could plan out my cleaning and activities. Then, I would have more time to do, and less guilt about doing, the things I love!

You are probably thinking that I just need to give up some sleep and some television. I need to make the sacrifice that comes with the responsibility of being a mom and an adult....yada, yada, yada. That is all fine and dandy for a week or so. Then, I am at my wit's end. I get grumpy. I simply need some 'me' time. I have to get another hour of sleep sometimes. I have to just sit and stop moving sometimes. It keeps me sane. So, hopefully a plan or schedule could allow for both my selfish and non-selfish needs.

What do you think? Is this just another thing that will get pushed to the side? Will I stick to it like I did my last five diets? Time will tell. I need a plan first.

Any tips on how to juggle all the many roles we have? And, keep our sanity? I'll let you know how it goes...

Keepsake? or Trash?

With the new basement renovation, we have been going through our totes with a tough heart. We've been asking ourselves some hard questions: Do we really need this? Will we use this again? Although it is of sentimental value to us, will it mean anything to anyone else? Basically, will Lucy want it?

I am a sucker for sentimental items. My family history and background mean so much to me. I love having items from years before. There is just something about holding the same items that your great, great grandmother held, and imagining what she was doing, wearing, or thinking. So, I want to pass down things to my great, great granddaughter too!  This is where the trouble starts...

There are some items that I have deemed priceless and will never let go of. For my college graduation, my grandma gave me a brush set. This wasn't just any old brush set, it was my great grandmother's. It included a brush, hand mirror, and nail set. My great-grandma got it for her high school graduation in 1929. The set is beautiful. My grandma said that when she was a little girl, she'd go into her mother's room and look at them, and wish that she too had a set. It warms my heart just thinking about it.


My Great-Grandmother's Brush Set - 82 years old

I decided to put the set into a shadow box, to keep it preserved and to enjoy it. I love seeing it in my dining room every day. These are items that I could most certainly pass down to Lucy. Hopefully, she cares as much about her family history as I do. I sure hope to pass that on...

My great-grandmother kept this set, then my grandmother kept it, and it eventually made it to me. So, that makes me think...what will I pass down?  Will it be a journal? Check. Will it be photos? Check. Will it be my treasured jewelry? Check.  What else does there need to be?  I'm not sure.

Heath, being the uber geek that he is, has kept all of his cell phones from the past. He even kept most of the boxes and directions. He thinks it will be hilarious to Lucy and her siblings, years to come. I just wish we had a bag phone to go along with them. haha.  I don't really argue too much on these; because, they are small and don't take up a lot of room. Here are just a couple of the 6 or so that we have:


The white phone's antenna cracks me up! haha.

Up until the moment when Lucy was born, Heath's and my stuff seemed so much more important. Now that we have Lucy it puts it into perspective of what would she would think was 'valuable' and what would she think was, basically, crap.

The mirror that hung on the back of Heath's door in high school? The one that I wrote on and kissed, at just 15 years old, so he'd always think of me? 



The makeup has lasted 10 years! Wish I could remember the brand name! :)

We kept it this long; but, now it's heading to the trash.

What about these?


Two of a LOT of puffy, Disney VHSs!

Who even keeps VHSs anymore?  I guess we should probably get these on DVD and throw these out...

Or, what about these autographs? I simply cannot throw them out. But, will Lucy even know who these people are?

Dennis Haskins, Mr. Belding, from 'Saved By the Bell' -
 

He even personalized it! To Cori - :)

I can tell that you are a skeptic. I did meet him though, look:

Here are two more "autographs."  Or, scribbles...whichever you prefer. These scribbles were made by Benji Madden and Billy Martin, from Good Charlotte. Heath and I waited out by their tour bus one night after a concert, a long time ago.  No such luck on Joel.....:(



This was way back, before Nicole Richie...

I guess it is all in the eye of the beholder. I will give some of these items to Lucy and her siblings, or whoever else wants them. If they don't want them and they toss them? Well, then at least I gave them the option of keeping it...

Do you have anything that you've kept, even though you know you probably shouldn't have? What is it? Where did you get it? Do you and your partner agree on keeping it?

Cabin Fever

I am not one to complain about the cold. I would much rather be cold than hot. It is so much easier to wrap up in a blanket, than it is to shake a heat headache and be all sweaty, without exercising.

I am not one to complain about the snow. I still get snow days, as an adult! It is so beautiful (until it gets all dirty along the side of the roads). And, for the holiday season, it is a must!

However, this year I am kind of getting sick of it - for the first time.....I think ever. I am not even sure why. I thought originally that it must be because we keep getting tastes of good weather and then it's cold again.  No....that isn't right....this is the Midwest; I should be used to that by now! Perhaps it is because I never leave the house. No...that isn't it either; I leave the house every single day and am hardly there sometimes! Hmmm, what is it?

It must be Lucy. I just keep thinking of all the fun things that I want to do with Lucy and you know what? Most of that is not inside the house.  There is only so much you can do in the house before you just want to bust out.

So, I decided to indulge my yearnings for spring, believe the groundhog, and wish for spring to be right around the corner.  Here are ten things that I can't wait to do this spring, in no particular order:

1) Plant flowers
The snow piled up so high on my mums that they died. :( So, I'm going to give winter a glare and a fist shake, tell him that he can't keep me down, and plant some more.  How do you like me now?  Side note: I thought long and hard, way harder than I should have, about if winter was a he or she just now. Mother nature? Jack Frost? Hmmmm....as you can see I settled on Jack. Anyway...

2) Hang up Lucy's Swing

She got a swing for her birthday (thanks Grandma!) and I can't wait to push her in it. She loves the one at daycare; so, I'm excited to spend evenings in the backyard pushing her.

3) Cook-Out

Heath and I enjoy cooking out, even sometimes the healthy stuff!  Yes - there is such thing, like grilled chicken. I'm sure Lucy will enjoy it too.

4) Open-Up the House

I know I just mentioned getting out of the house.  But, sometimes you just have chores to do! So, if I have to be in the house, at least I can open up the window, enjoy the fresh air, and watch the curtains blowing in the breeze.

5) Go for Walks/Runs

As I mentioned yesterday, I am starting to really enjoy running. I am looking forward to running outside several times a week and not depending on mother nature to set my warm or cold schedule.  Also, Lucy got a wagon for her birthday (thanks Abuelo!). We were able to take her out once this year already and she loved it. I can't wait to take her out again. I think we will be making lots of trips around town in it.

6) Spring Clean

I know what you are thinking, "Who wants to clean?" Alright, so it's less about the cleaning and more about the organizing. I thoroughly enjoy organizing things. I'm a freak. I envy those people on HGTV that come into people's homes and organize all of their stuff!  I do not envy, however, the organizers on Hoarders. Yuck.  I am looking forward to 'remodeling' our basement into a playroom, organizing everything, and putting it all back! Yay!  That includes cleaning out the closets and medicine cabinets. :)

7) Go Fly a Kite
No, not get out of town; but, actually fly a kite. Lucy got a kite for her birthday. I used to fly a kite every Easter with my family, when I was little. I am excited to do it again, and especially with Lucy. I imagine she'll be mesmerized.

8) Introduce Lucy to New Animals

Now that Lucy is older, she can appreciate things more. She will enjoy going to my mom's house to see the animals (cows, horses, chickens, cats). My grandparents even have a rabbit on their farm for her to meet. And, of course, she can see that not all dogs (or 'Chicos' as she calls them, because of our chihuahua named Chico) are chihuahuas and rat terriers. There are such things as big 'Chicos' too. Also, before it gets too hot, I want to take her to the zoo. She would just love that.

9) Get Jazzed up about Rain & Tornadoes
I, like many others, am petrified of the horrific capabilities of a tornado. I can't imagine the destruction. And, the only real tornado I've seen was like an EF1, or something pathetic.  So, I really am incapable of imagining it. However, I love a good storm. I've loved thunder, lightning, and rain for as long as I can remember. I think it's calming and I love sleeping while it rains. I also love the adrenaline rush of a good tornadic storm. And, you are right; "tornadic" doesn't sound like a word; but, it is one because the weather people drive me nuts with it! That and football announcers saying 'trickeration'. WTH?   

10) Easter!
This is kind of the kick-off to spring, in like a lion! It will be a lot of fun to dye eggs with Lucy and have her be able to somewhat collect them. Perhaps she will have more fun throwing plastic eggs and eating the real ones! Either way, anytime we get together with family is a good time!

By the way...at work today I saw a high schooler visiting, because of a special event. She must be yearning for spring as much as I!  She had shorts on today - not gym shorts like..."I just got done working out or I'm too cool to wear real pants because I'm so athletic."  They were like kahki Daisy Duke's!  Someone needs to calm down their excitment. It is still 32 degrees out and their is still snow on the ground, honey!

Anyway, happy 'winter to spring transition' everyone! What are you excited to do this spring?

Before You Know It...

There we were. Standing in Lucy's room at 9:08 pm last night. Heath with his arms crossed and one hand on his mouth, as if he was studying something. That something was Lucy actually. Me? Well, I was standing studying her as well, with my hands on my hips. There was a lot of glancing at each other.......hmmmmmm. Finally Heath said, "Yep, let's lower it tomorrow."

I immediately flashed back to a year ago, November 2009. I was standing, with a bulging belly in Lucy's nursery, peering out the window at my dad. He was unloading Lucy's furniture. In the back of his truck, the dresser still stood. On the ground was the crib box. It seemed much easier to take out of the box outside and then move it indoors. Oh, and there are my mums which were still alive.......darn 3 feet of snow on the ground winter!

I got to play the lazy (or pregnant, rather) card and take pictures of the process and got out of assisting at all.

They moved the crib and put the frame at the highest setting. They even moved it over to the appropriate corner.

Then, my dad said it. "Before you know it, we'll be lowering the mattress." At the time, I said, "Oh yeah...," as if I knew what he was getting at. Really, I was thinking....um, no that is like forever from now.

Boy, was he right.

Back to last night, I grabbed Lucy's hands on the side of her crib and lowered her back down. She grumbled, as she had delighted in hanging onto the side and jumping up and down vigorously. Any bystander could tell she was looking for approval and perhaps a little bit of applause at her achievement. Instead, there we stood.......staring, watching her fluffy, baby hair 'whoosh' in the wind her bounces were creating.

How did we get here so fast? It seriously feels like yesterday that we put the crib together. And, why did my dad's comment stick with me so? Where did the time go?

Tonight is the official lowering of the crib. I am saying good-bye to semi-mobile Lucy and welcoming mobile-Lucy into our home. Is this the final step? Nope. But, it is another step in the 'safe' direction. Wish me luck on this milestone readers!