Stressing for the Sake of Kids

Once upon a time I had one child in elementary, one in preschool, and one that was lovingly attached to my leg most days. I got up in the morning, barely put myself together, got the two older ones around, and maybe found a pair of Uggs to walk to the garage and get into the van. I buckled the youngest one in, who may or may not have been in his pajamas still, from the night before. At our school drop off, we were impressing no one.

During that time in my life, we also lived in a home that was a bit outdated and in need of a Johanna Gaines-type overhaul, but was completely maintenance free. It was new enough to be clean and nice; but old enough to have peach grout and honey oak everything. I had done all that I felt I could with that home, and cleaned almost daily. Also, I was not involved on any local Boards or teaching online yet. So, my cleaning schedule was fairly easy to maintain. And, yes, I had a cleaning schedule... (I heart organization.)

Do you have a clear photo in your mind of what my days were like? I actually had plenty of time to do things. Time to enjoy my kids before they were involved with numerous things themselves.

So, when Red Ribbon Week came around back then, and the school released the themes of each day, we went all out. We busted out the markers, old t-shirts, tulle, ribbons, and glue gun, and we made costumes. I remember that Lucy loved it and even told me on one such day, "Today is going to be epic." Whew! What expectations, right? When is the last time you got your hair done and that was enough to make the rest of the day "epic?" It meant a lot to her.

Fast forward to now. I am teaching three courses online, involved with one Board officially, one unofficially, helping out with the kids' activities, and am in the middle of a complete home renovation (different house, which we took down to the studs). I'm not saying that I am any busier than any other Mom. I am probably less so than most. Nevertheless, compared to two years ago, I am swamped.

We received the Red Ribbon Week schedule again this year. They had cut down on theme days; I believe it to be the voice of parents who implemented such a change. Only three days this time, and they were fairly simple (or so it would seem).

Today, Tuesday, was superhero day. I am sure this day was chosen as an easy option, as most kids have superhero gear already. But, sadly, we do not. Heath and I liked the Batman movies when we were kids, and who didn't love Captain Planet, etc.?! But, we have not gotten much into the Marvel comic characters or superheros, as adults. We saw Deadpool and that's about it... Naturally, this translates to our children and they do not watch much of that stuff or have clothing representative of it either. That meant, to participate, I would have to be creative. Ugh! I love being crafty...when I have time. But, last night, was a busy night. I had a board meeting, and Lucy and I had practice. I still needed to complete a few items for the courses that I am teaching, and write a letter for another Board. It was a chaotic Monday, whether typical or not.

So, when Lucy asked about the "Superhero outfits" at approximately 9 PM, I didn't know what to say really. I wanted to say, "Nah, we aren't going to do it." It wasn't even that I had these spectacular ideas and didn't have the energy to execute them. I really didn't have a clue how I could "create" superheros from literally nothing. Cut t-shirts into capes? Glue an emblem on the front of an old shirt? No idea.

I did what any mom would do; I dismissed Lucy, told her to get to bed, and finished my to-do list with multiple huffs and swigs of caffeine. It wasn't until I poured myself into bed at midnight that I thought, "What am I going to do about super-hero day tomorrow?" I was kind of irritated with my younger self, for setting the bar so high, dammit. But, the kids loved it and I knew that I simply couldn't tell them to forget about it. Lucy would undoubtedly tell me that she was "the only one who wasn't dressed up." I know that it wouldn't be true, but the guilt would feel like it was.

I quickly searched Pinterest for a few ideas, came up with some possibilities and prayed (not literally) that I could find everything I needed in the morning. Zzzzz.....

When my alarm went off this morning, I wanted to hit snooze. I am a big fan of the snooze button. I start my alarm almost an hour before I need to get up, just so I can hit snooze multiple times (about six times, actually). The only thing that got me out of bed was Red Ribbon Week, Superhero Day...

Thankfully I found a Batman shirt that my mom bought Henry, and a mask that my sister bought him. Typical boy - he was set. Easy peasy. Then, the girls...By some miracle from God, they each had black pants, black shirts, and black shoes that FIT and were CLEAN. Hallelujah! I quickly threw on some cat ears for Olive, a random blue cape for Lucy, and we were well on our way to Cat Woman and a female Batman. Olive had no clue who Cat Woman was, but went along with it, as I knew she would.

After searching for face paint, I came up with just one little black pen. It had to work. I drew masks on the girls and held my breath, while they stood in front of the mirror.

"I love it," they said. And, I knew my status as "Awesome Momma" was safe.

I somehow managed to be successful today, with Red Ribbon Week - theme day number 1. But, it was not without shortness, and complaining, and irritation, and telling Olive the same thing five times. Or, saying, "Hold still!" to Lucy enough times to make me blue in the face. It was accompanied by "hurry up"s and "we are gonna be late!"s. It was a very grumpy, rushed, stressful morning.

I sit back now and wonder. Will they remember the "awesome" costumes and face paint that Momma helped them with for school? Or, will they remember that Momma was a freakin' psycho this morning, who wouldn't stop rolling her eyes, huffing, and asking, "Why aren't you doing what I said?!"

Of course, in those moments, we think the important thing is the day. The task at hand. If we can just get to school on time, dressed up, I will be successful. But, is that true? If I am a complete asshole in the process, is it really being successful? And, successful at what exactly? I'm praying that the joy of what today brings will erase the memories of their stressed out, jerk-of-a-Momma.

It's funny, right? You think you are doing something great for your kids, but in the process are not being a great example... I believe we do that a lot as parents. We stress out trying to create these amazing memories for our kids; but, we often run the risk of their memories being about our stress instead. Aren't several of your own memories about your parents, just them being completely fed up with you and your siblings on trips and vacations? Yeah. They were just trying to do something nice for us and it was incredibly stressful.

Tomorrow's theme is "orange day."

Friday is "red day."

I think I can handle those...