Graduate School

Heath graduated last December, with his MBA. As soon as he had finished, we started really talking about me going back to school and getting my graduate degree. The plan was to wait until he was done, before I started. It was the best decision financially. Plus, I don't know if you noticed, but I was busy havin' babies...

If I'm being completely honest, I was a little scared to apply to graduate school. I had K-State picked out since I was 22 and hadn't applied. It was terrifying. What if I got rejected? I didn't think that my ego could bare a blow like that. Terrifying.

After making a zillion excuses, Heath and I talked myself into it.

I'm sure Heath hated me for those months prior. I was a mess. I would basically have a conversation with myself.

"Should I wait until the girls are older?
No. That is silly. There is no time like the present.
I mean, if I would have started two and a half years ago, I'd already be done!
It will be tough with the girls. But, Heath, you did it. I can do it too.
What if I fail? What if I struggle being a mom and a student?
Although, it is important to show the girls that school is a priority too."

This was the inner dialog escaping from my brain and blurting out my mouth.

Needless to say, after a $50 application fee, I was obligated to at least submit a Statement of Objectives, etc.

After several versions and editing sessions, it was ready to mail.

I hadn't told anyone but Heath that I was applying....well, and my references I guess. I was so terrified that I wouldn't get in. Then, I would have to tell everyone. I felt like I might be letting everyone down. I was told that the program was very small and only a small number got in.


Before I knew it, I saw the response from the Department of Psychology...my heart raced. Heath had told me over and over again that I was a "sure-thing." I let out a big breath and opened it...


The first line read, "I am pleased to inform you..."

That was all I needed. I don't think I have ever even read the letter in its entirety.

I was excited, proud, and still a bit scared of what I was committing to.The program is a Masters of Science in Industrial and Organizational Psychology (MIOP). If you aren't familiar, it is like Business and Psychology got together and had a baby. It is applying the scientific method to business processes, like training, evaluation, job analysis, selection, recruiting, etc.

The program is predominately online; however, it did require that I have a two-week residency on the campus. I remember thinking that the two-week residency was the downside of the program. I was wrong.

I kissed my babies, shed a few tears, and headed out. Heath came with me for the Orientation.

I was nervous. Could I really do this again? Did I remember anything from statistics or research methods?

Regardless, it was official. It was time to put my big girl panties on and do my best.


We mingled with many people the first night, reviewing the keepsakes in the alumni center. The sense of pride that the employees and students have for that school? Wow. It was hard not to get wrapped up in it all. Before I knew it, I was feeling very proud as well. I drank the purple Kool-Aid.

First, Manhattan, Kansas is a pretty neat place. It is like a really big small town. I went for a run on campus in the first week and loved everything about it. Second, the people are friendly and the instructors love what they do.

They only selected 12 for my class. They were from all over the United States - California, Washington, Colorado, Iowa, Oklahoma, and of course Kansas.

Anyway, the questions I get all the time are 1) How was it away from the girls, and 2) Was it as hard as you expected?

Yes. It was hard without the girls. I spoke to Lucy on the phone one night and cried when she uttered those little sleepy words, "Goo-bye, Momma." It was pretty hard. But, the majority of the time I didn't have much down time. I was in class all day, doing homework, doing work, networking, or sleeping. Alone time was unheard of, except for that one run I took on campus (the first night). The most "free-time" I had was spent with classmates. As you can imagine, group work is important. So, I made it a priority to get to know these people. I didn't have much time to talk on the phone or even just stop and think about anything...

Heath did come to visit a couple of times though and brought me flowers. :) He is a good hubby. I truly think that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Yes - some purple pride. EMAW. ;)


And, was it as hard as I expected? Yes and no. It is tough...or rather, vigorous and challenging. But, I feel pretty confident in my abilities and my education. Heath was always wondering what I was doing with my time, since I was busy a lot. I would just send him texts like this...

Overall, I had a wonderful experience in Manhattan. Great people, great school, great city, and so on. I am really proud of what I accomplished there so far and look forward to continuing the program. I can't help it, family; I am proud of this school! It represents a big life choice for me and it's a choice that I am incredibly proud of.

Wish me luck as I continue this path! Please wish Heath luck as he helps me! This is a family effort after all. :)

Who knew? EMAW afterall...

DayCare Blues

Lucy has started whining every once in a while, when we take her to DayCare. It makes me sad. At least once a week, sometimes twice, when we pull up to the building she starts whining or crying, "No. No K and J."  (Those are the two ladies that run the daycare.)

It breaks me heart. I wish I could stay home with her. I wish she had the option at least. It makes me sad all over again. To be honest, I have been getting a lot better with the idea of Lucy going to daycare. She is developing wonderfully and learning so, so many things! This kind of takes me back to when she was little and I constantly thought about all that I was missing out on...

After a lot of thought, I'll admit it. If I were a stay-at-home mom, Lucy would probably not be as educationally advanced as she is. I don't know if I would seriously take as much time teaching her songs, the alphabet, dances or skits, shapes, etc. Of course I would put forth the effort to teach her things, as we continue to do even though she goes to daycare. But, her life at daycare is so structured. Everyday she has class time, and singing, and arts and crafts, and so on.

I cannot say that if I stayed home with her that I would do that. I see all these things around the house that I would also like to take the time to do. I want to stay home with Lucy; but, I also want to clean, and organize, and craft, and cook...in addition to the fun projects and activities I could do with Lucy. I'd love to grocery shop during the day (unheard of!), and visit museums, get involved with the community, and go on picnics. While working, it just doesn't seem that there is ever enough time... (insert pathetically depressed expression here).

I am once again on that fence of daycare being a very good thing; but, I sometimes wish I could stay home with her too. I have a feeling that when Olive arrives, it will be even worse.

I see how organized my life is at work and I imagine it like that at home - having a schedule, structured to-do list, meal planning, budgeting, weekly outings with Lucy, actually sending out birthday and anniversary cards on time...etc, etc, etc. Perhaps someday I can figure out the balance that I desire. As of now, I really put all of my organizational thoughts into work. By time I get home, I can't remember what my to-do list consisted of or I lost that note I shoved in my purse, or better yet, I simply don't have the energy anymore.

I am young and perhaps I will get there. I just have to keep trying. I know another child will only add to the mix. Then, we can throw in dieting and exercising too.

Someday...

19 Week Update

How far along?
I am 19 weeks and 4 days (139 days to go); I am 49.3% through my pregnancy! Yay! Half way there!


Baby is the size of a...
large, heirloom tomato? She is 6 inches from head to rump and 8.5 oz (although at our appointment the ultrasound tech said she was 11 oz!). We could have a chubby baby on our hands again! :) Here is a picture of an heirloom tomato:

Symptoms:
Thank you for all of the concern about my hips. They haven't been bothering me as bad the last few nights (knock on wood). It must be an on-and-off thing for now. I hope it stays away! It is really painful! I feel really good otherwise. I had been sleeping pretty well too; however, last night wasn't very good. I dream like crazy! I just wish I could get some real rest. Also, I got up to go pee four times! No more water for me late in the evening.

I also made the mistake of eating some chocolate candy around 10 pm... :[ I knew that I shouldn't have. I had indigestion then for about an hour following. Blech.

I feel like I am getting to be way to big for only five months of pregnancy. I also feel like I waddle a bit. :{ Already.

Anything new?
There really isn't much, since I have been writing about the baby every post lately. :) The big thing was to find out that it was a girl! :) I am still very excited and love being able to imagine life four months from now. :) Is that enough smiley faces for you? I guess I'm happy and getting a little crazy with them...sorry. 

I wore my first pair of maternity pants last Friday. Ehh...I hate maternity pants. I really do. They are just so baggy looking around the crotch area, especially the khaki ones. I immediately went back to wearing my regular ones with belly bands. We will see how long I can do this. I think I was around 24 weeks with Lucy before I had to give in. Then again, my body was very different back then.

Oh, but I did get a few pairs of yoga capris from Motherhood. They are super comfy! :) 'A+' purchase!

New with Heath?
He has started calling the baby by name and telling people about the name. So, it looks like a name post may be sent out this week. :) I think we will be telling my blog readers, family, and friends; but, we will probably keep the name off of Facebook, for now at least. Many of my family members, who hate the name, don't think anyone would steal it. But, I don't want to chance it. (Paranoid!)

I think being able to call her by name makes it more real to Heath too. It is so nice being able to say, "when the girls get older," and phrases like that. When I say, "Girls," I immediately think of my mom. When she would yell at my sister and I as children, it was always that term.

"Girls! Get away from there!"
"Girls! Don't touch that!"
"Girls! Come inside!"

I try to think back to myself as a child and I never imagined having two girls, just like my family, growing up. :) Heath probably didn't imagine it either! haha. Last night, Lucy and I were laying in mine and Heath's bed. We were snuggling, along with her baby doll, Aurora, and her stuffed horse, Bonnie. He looked at us, smiled, and said, "What am I going to do with three girls?"

New with Lucy?
I wish that I could say that we were closer to achieving all of our goals before baby is born. 1) Get Lucy moved to her big girl room and have her stay in bed at night. 2) Get Lucy potty-trained. 3) Get rid of the binkie.

I think Lucy is getting used to her big girl room and doing a bit better at night. But, the binkie isn't going anywhere anytime soon. I know it needs to be gone at least a couple of months before the baby is using one in front of her. It is just tough. I don't think Heath and I are ready for that battle.  The potty-training was looking pretty promising there for a while. But, now she is lying to us about it. When we ask her if she has to go or if she did go, she says, "No."  It is totally obvious though! Still working on it...

We have her practice saying the baby's name. She is really good at pronouncing it. :) Ahh...I can't wait to see them interact. I hope it is a smooth and happy transition for Lucy - being the baby, to sharing the spotlight!

Anything else?
Not really...we are pretty boring these days. We continue to prep the house and financially prepare for the baby. But, it still seems like forever from now. I tell you though, once September hits, it'll be the first of the year before we know it! Maternity leave, football season, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, winter break...I cannot wait!


Have a great day!

Translation Please

Right now Lucy is talking up a storm! She just babbles and babbles. Some of it I understand. And, well, some of it, I have no idea what she is saying.

The other day at the lunch table, it was just Lucy and me.

She looks and me, smiles, and says, "I boopt."

I asked her, "You pooped?"

She was completely unimpressed with me, "No. I boopt."

I scanned my brain and the room..."boopt? boopt. boopt?"

I finally asked, "Your boot?"

Lucy was annoyed. This time, she lowered her eyebrows and said it a bit louder, "I boopt!"

I had no idea. So, I decided to tell her, "I'm sorry, honey. I can't understand you."

She then, put her hand to her belly, opened her mouth wide, and said, "ughhhhhck." It was an obvious, mocking burp sound and then she stated, "I boopt."

"Ahhh, you burped!"

She was pleased, "Uh-huh! I bowpt."

I had to laugh. She was bound and determined to tell me about it. She actually knew to mock herself! I was proud, but promptly told her to say "excuse me." :)

She is growing up so fast! :)

Learning Colors

The other night Heath had to do homework; so, it was up to me to keep Lucy busy and non-interrupting. :)


I decided to put some of my pinspiration to work (inspiration from pinterest.com). Here was my inspiration:

I thought we would have fun finding small toys or objects, that were Lucy-non-eating-friendly. Then, we could work on her color association and say the color aloud.

But, let's be honest; who has a random, sectioned box just lying around the house? Not us. So, I improvised. I thought that Lucy's stacking cups would be perfect!

I wondered about the teal blue and the pale blue; but, Lucy did amazing with them! :) We just called them both "blue."

We then gathered small toys from around the house, a lot of which ended up being plastic, play food.

One item at a time, I would hand it to Lucy and tell her the color. Then, she would put it in the right cup. It took her a while to realize that we were sorting them by color. Once she caught on though, she was on a roll! :)

Here, she is putting in the purple rabbit. Sorry about the blurry picture; she moved too fast!

And, now, she is dancing and cheering. I was cheering her on with every correct placement. She would give me high fives. :)

We did this twice, all the way through. She then got a little bored and moved onto other stuff. That was to be expected.

When we were done, she was so proud though!

I highly recommend trying this with your toddler. It was a great learning tool and she really enjoyed it. We will probably play it often now! :)

Happy Fat Tuesday, everyone! 

She Works Hard for the Money

Too hard sometimes. :(

I am very often reminded at work, when I look at Lucy's pictures on my desk, that I only spend approximately four hours with Lucy every weekday.

How sad is that? Does it make you want to cry? Well, it does me sometimes...I am missing out on so many things! I could start naming off all of the wonderful things about DayCare (teaches social skills, independence, sharing, etc.). However, I could also name a few, sometimes selfish, reasons for her to be at home (bonding time, individual attention, consistent potty training, day trips, etc.).

Either way, it seems you can never win...(wahhh-wahhhmp).  That was my Debbie Downer sound, by the way.

I don't want to start a debate; because, obviously there are benefits to both. I just want to know if the grass sometimes appears greener on the other side to all of us. Full-time working moms: do you ever wish you could stay home with your child(ren)? Stay-at-home moms: do you ever wish you had a career and extra money?

"Melmo" Addiction

Lucy is officially addicted to "Melmo".

What is that, you ask? It is Elmo from Sesame Street. Lucy, so lovingly, calls him "Melmo!"

It all started when Heath and I discussed Lucy watching television. As I've mentioned before, we weren't too keen on the idea of her watching television. The studies say that it isn't good for her. But, in the words of our doctor on the topic, "sometimes you have to shower!"

Needless to say, Lucy watches television sometimes. Heath and I went back and forth on what was good for her to watch. SpongeBob? Not so much. Sesame Street? Probably. So, we searched Netflix and found several episodes.

Each episode has a small portion of Elmo's World - Lucy's favorite! She sings the song, dances, and yells "Melmo" at the t.v. when it comes on. She loves it!

Elmo's World is the only thing that got us through our 12+ hour trip to and from Texas. May I please add that I never care to see Elmo's World: Wild, Wild West ever again, in my entire life!!?

To be honest, with Netflix on our iPods and iPhone, Elmo has saved us lots of times. Whenever we are in public and there is a major breakdown, Elmo flies in to save the day. AKA - We've created a monster! Now, whenever she sees my phone or one of the iPods she begins to chant, "Melmo, Melmo, Melmo!"

Since she is nearing the tantrum stage, she hates being told, "No." She will throw her head back, wail, rub her eyes, and occasionally flop on the floor.

We've decide to intervene. I think we need to call A&E...she has a problem. Intervention anyone?

To end this post, I wanted to add something funny that I saw in Walmart. It made me laugh. I should get it for Lucy, for when she gets older. :)

"It's Melmo!"

Bursting with Pride & Animal Noises

Ahh, yes. This may border a post of the typical mom, telling you how awesome her child is. However, bear with me, as I try not to do that...

Lucy loves books. She gets them and brings them to us, ready for us to read. Lately, she keeps bringing me books with animal pictures. Last night I read a five page book probably 20 times!

"Curly the pig goes - oink, oink, oink (insert awkward snorting noises here)."

After the 20th time through, we were finally able to move to another picture book of animals.

I started reading the one word pages, "Lion."

I looked at Lucy and asked, "What does a lion do? Does he rooooaaaar?"

I of course held my hand up like a claw. She smiled.

"Duck. Quack, quack, quack."

Lucy indulged me as I somewhat formed my arm into a "chicken-wing" and flapped it.

"Bear. Raaawrr.."

I paused and thought, "hmm......that certainly sounded a lot like the lion from before. That was probably a little confusing for her."

I continued, "Tiger. Raaoooaawwwr."

Okay, that was a little bit of a tiger and a bear. Oops. This book was really testing my animal calling skills.

Next page,"Giraffe....um,.....yeah, giraffe." I had no sound for that one.

Next page, "Sea Lion..umm......."

I finally asked, "How about we read something else?"

Nope - Lucy literally grunted at me and wanted me to continue.

At the end of the book I was happy to see an elephant. Classic. None of these odd, soundless, exotic, animals.

I immediately pursed my lips together, pressed my nose to my bicep, flailed my arm, and made a big elephant wail.

Lucy took the most enjoyment in that one. She took her arm, flung it in the air, and tried to mock the sound.

I could have burst with pride. Animal pride? :) haha.......corny, yes - I know. I was proud nonetheless.

It is crazy how proud I am of her for the smallest things. She is just learning so much and growing so fast. I know it is simply a part of her development; but, I still feel like she is the smartest girl in the world. Ahhh...enough with that though. I won't be that mom. haha

Have a good Tuesday!

Pride VS Development

Are you truthful with the doctor about your child? Don't get me wrong; I am. But, do you ever struggle with answers to your doctor's questions? I have issues with my pride and Lucy's development.

Every doctor's visit we get a check list for Lucy.

• Does she know her name?
• Does she say mommy/daddy, or some variation?
• Does she assist you with dressing her?
• Does she try to climb?

These are just a few of the questions I can remember from her last two visits (12 & 15 month).

Sometimes they are difficult to answer. The bragger mom in me wants to say, "Yes! My child is super smart and can do anything!" The paranoid mom in me wants to answer the question correctly. I hate that the only options are: Yes and No.

Where is my 'Maybe'?

Does Lucy assist me while dressing her? Well, kind of. Sometimes she puts her arm out. Sometimes when I say shoe, she'll raise her foot to me. On other occasions, I may as well be dressing a watermelon; she just lays there like a slug. Then again, on some occasions, I might as well be dressing a....well...a squirmy, unruly toddler, trying to crawl away mid pants change!

Alright, so I would check 'Yes'. I just always feel the need to follow up with an essay answer.

When the doctor goes over the questions and answers with us, I feel like my parenting skills are being tested.

"How many words does Lucy know?"

"Oh, lots.....um....."

I start counting on my fingers, while quietly whispering, "...momma, dada, Chico, thank you, please, puppy, baby.." and so on.

Finally I just blurt out, "... like ten."

Immediately, I think, "Does 'thank you' count as two words then? Lucy also says, 'Here you go.' Does that count as three? Or, since I counted the 'you' in 'thank you' already, is it just two?" - Ugh!

I just want to say, "Lucy is really smart and she amazes me with everything she knows! We try to work with her as much as possible and sometimes she says or does things I didn't even realize she knew!"

I have to remind myself that the doctor isn't questioning Lucy's intelligence and she isn't grilling me on my parenting. She is asking, so she can recognize developmental problems.

Cori - she is asking you, so she can recognize developmental problems!

At the 15 month appointment, we were asked how many body parts Lucy knows. Dang it! We haven't even been working with her on it. We didn't really even realize that she was old enough learn them. When I think about it....well, duh! Therefore, we've been working on them a lot. She already knows foot, nose, belly button, eyes, and mouth.

She's going to ace that 18 month appointment. haha.

Oh wait, this isn't about questioning her intelligence or my parenting skills...I obviously need to refer back to the underlined text above.

Do you see the issue? Am I the only one?

Banned from DayCare

Alright, so I'm not officially banned, per se.  But, you can decide for yourself.

When I first signed Lucy up for DayCare I had a hard time.  And, yes, again, I am typing a word in my own preference, DayCare, as opposed to Day Care.  I think of it as a noun, and not an adjective and verb; so, I put the words together...I'm odd; I know.  You and spell check will just have to look on with red squiggles of disagreement.

Anyway, back to my story: I had a hard time leaving Lucy at DayCare. It just plain made me sad.  I've discussed it before, here and here. I hate leaving her for so many hours a day and I feel like I am missing out on so much of her life. :(

However, the one big plus was that I got to drop in and visit her!  I would go down for at least half an hour at lunch. And, sometimes I would swing by on my way back from the restroom (since she is in my building at work). It was wonderful!  I would sit and hold her or watch her play. DayCare didn't mind if I stopped in every once in a while.

I remember the first conversation I had with them about stopping in to see her.  When I asked they said:

"You are welcome to come by. But, when she starts standing at the door crying when you leave, you can't visit anymore."

Well, that seemed, fair enough. I had watched parents drop off their bawling, kicking, children at DayCare several times. It was understandable that the DayCare women didn't want to deal with that all the time. They were the ones who had to deal with the fit, noise, and nose blowing.

I just never imagined Lucy would be that way. She loved the other children. she loved the DayCare women. She goes there everyday; it's routine. She would surely understand that we stopped by for lunch and that it wasn't yet time to go home.

Nope. I was wrong. I had apparently refused to accept that this developmental stage was unavoidable and completely disregarded everything that I had studied in college (my major was psychology).

Lucy was slowly showing signs that she was moving into this stage. She wanted to be held more. She was getting more weepy and scared of people that she wasn't around all the time.  She had even started whining 'Momma' or 'Dada' when she was upset. Why didn't I see this coming?

Heath and I were walking on eggshells. We knew that she was in a "delicate" state. So, we started skipping Mondays.  We thought that we'd let her get back into routine a little and then go visit her later in the week. That seemed to work for about a month and a half.

Then, I went to see her the other day. (This is where you can add the dramatic 'Bomp, Bomp, Booooomp' of the timpani.)

Lucy did alright at first. She wanted me to pick her up, and I did. Then we played on the floor. When it was time to leave and as soon as I took one step toward the door,…she flipped! I mean head down, grimace, silent gasp, huge tears, and then the ‘growly’ wail. I immediately snatched her back up and begged her to stop. I knew what it meant.

Sometimes when she was upset, I could give her to the Director and Lucy would stop crying. The Director was one of Lucy’s favorite people. This time, when I handed her off, Lucy had accepted the fact that I was, in fact, leaving; but, she didn't have to be happy about it. Before I even said “Bye”, Lucy was blowing me teary kisses and waving, all while whimpering. I continued to beg her to stop. “It’s okay. Please don’t cry, hunny.”

That is when the Director said it. “You know what we have always said; when they start crying when you leave, you can’t come visit any more.”

I just shook my head up and down and then closed the door. I got about halfway up the first flight of stairs when I heard a very familiar outburst. It was Lucy. :{ I then called Heath to tell him about it.

“Do you think that means that I’m banned?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you really think that they would ever just come out and say that I can’t come back?”

“Probably not. But, it probably means that we shouldn’t visit any more.”

That was not what I wanted to hear. However, I knew he was right. And, I totally understand what DayCare is getting at. And, as Heath pointed out, we don’t want to do that to Lucy either. It’s sad.

So, I am being my dramatic self and saying that I’m banned. My glory days of visiting are over…What will I do with myself at lunch now?! :(


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