When I first signed Lucy up for DayCare I had a hard time. And, yes, again, I am typing a word in my own preference, DayCare, as opposed to Day Care. I think of it as a noun, and not an adjective and verb; so, I put the words together...I'm odd; I know. You and spell check will just have to look on with red squiggles of disagreement.
Anyway, back to my story: I had a hard time leaving Lucy at DayCare. It just plain made me sad. I've discussed it before, here and here. I hate leaving her for so many hours a day and I feel like I am missing out on so much of her life. :(
However, the one big plus was that I got to drop in and visit her! I would go down for at least half an hour at lunch. And, sometimes I would swing by on my way back from the restroom (since she is in my building at work). It was wonderful! I would sit and hold her or watch her play. DayCare didn't mind if I stopped in every once in a while.
I remember the first conversation I had with them about stopping in to see her. When I asked they said:
"You are welcome to come by. But, when she starts standing at the door crying when you leave, you can't visit anymore."
Well, that seemed, fair enough. I had watched parents drop off their bawling, kicking, children at DayCare several times. It was understandable that the DayCare women didn't want to deal with that all the time. They were the ones who had to deal with the fit, noise, and nose blowing.
I just never imagined Lucy would be that way. She loved the other children. she loved the DayCare women. She goes there everyday; it's routine. She would surely understand that we stopped by for lunch and that it wasn't yet time to go home.
Nope. I was wrong. I had apparently refused to accept that this developmental stage was unavoidable and completely disregarded everything that I had studied in college (my major was psychology).
Lucy was slowly showing signs that she was moving into this stage. She wanted to be held more. She was getting more weepy and scared of people that she wasn't around all the time. She had even started whining 'Momma' or 'Dada' when she was upset. Why didn't I see this coming?
Heath and I were walking on eggshells. We knew that she was in a "delicate" state. So, we started skipping Mondays. We thought that we'd let her get back into routine a little and then go visit her later in the week. That seemed to work for about a month and a half.
Then, I went to see her the other day. (This is where you can add the dramatic 'Bomp, Bomp, Booooomp' of the timpani.)
Lucy did alright at first. She wanted me to pick her up, and I did. Then we played on the floor. When it was time to leave and as soon as I took one step toward the door,…she flipped! I mean head down, grimace, silent gasp, huge tears, and then the ‘growly’ wail. I immediately snatched her back up and begged her to stop. I knew what it meant.
Sometimes when she was upset, I could give her to the Director and Lucy would stop crying. The Director was one of Lucy’s favorite people. This time, when I handed her off, Lucy had accepted the fact that I was, in fact, leaving; but, she didn't have to be happy about it. Before I even said “Bye”, Lucy was blowing me teary kisses and waving, all while whimpering. I continued to beg her to stop. “It’s okay. Please don’t cry, hunny.”
That is when the Director said it. “You know what we have always said; when they start crying when you leave, you can’t come visit any more.”
I just shook my head up and down and then closed the door. I got about halfway up the first flight of stairs when I heard a very familiar outburst. It was Lucy. :{ I then called Heath to tell him about it.
“Do you think that means that I’m banned?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you really think that they would ever just come out and say that I can’t come back?”
“Probably not. But, it probably means that we shouldn’t visit any more.”
That was not what I wanted to hear. However, I knew he was right. And, I totally understand what DayCare is getting at. And, as Heath pointed out, we don’t want to do that to Lucy either. It’s sad.
So, I am being my dramatic self and saying that I’m banned. My glory days of visiting are over…What will I do with myself at lunch now?! :(
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What a sad day. I can only imagine. I cried eight hours strait each day for a week before we bit the bullet and became a one income family. You are a brave momma and we know you love Lucy more than anything. It will be alright. You are good parents. We understand that it's hard to be away from your sweet babies. Maybe this stage will end soon and you can have all those wonderful visits again. It's so nice that she is in the same building as you. I find that comforting. Sorry your "banned" for now.
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