Parenting Thoughts

After my post about “one of those mornings,” I quickly realized that maybe you don’t share my same dry, sarcastic humor when it comes to parenting. I haven’t always laughed things off either. In fact, sometimes I can’t. While yesterday was not my proudest morning as a parent, I chose to shake it off and start over again when I picked up Henry (and when the girls came home).

You see, I have spoken with many friends about parenting and I forget that you have not all been included. It’s so incredibly hard. THEE toughest job I’ve ever had. I don’t need to tell you all that, though. You know! And, while many of us have the ability to be a parent, things don’t always come naturally to us when it comes to the actual parenting. Some of us, like me, have to try. Things like the love I feel for those sweet babies or the impromptu hugs and kisses I lay on ‘em several times a day, those things come easily. But, the patience, the understanding, the calmness, and so on, I have to work on. Parenting is a conscious effort – at least for me, it is. That's why it is so exhausting!

As an anxiety-ridden over-thinker, I am convinced that even with that effort, I’m screwing up my kids. I am providing them with terrible habits. I am not doing enough for them, talking enough to them, reading enough to them. I talk too much about my own eating habits and body image in front of them. I obsess too much about how clean the house is when they are present. I sometimes don’t forgive easily enough, and raise my voice far too loud. Sometimes I roll my eyes at the whining and say something incredibly sarcastic, just to make myself feel better. I give and I give and I give, and sometimes I get mad that my giving isn’t appreciated. But, I am trying. The day I stop trying is the day that I have failed.

My dad reached out to me after my post yesterday. He said that he saw himself in my words, and regretted that he had passed it down. While I guess I could, I don’t blame him. Because, I like to think that most parents are trying their best. It is just easier for some than others. 

Mom, Dad, I’m gonna lump you together now, and I’m gonna make some assumptions. I hope that is alright.

Knowing what I know about my grandparents and their parenting styles (lumped together), I think my parents probably think their own parenting fell short of the ideal, but did “better” than their parents did. 

That is my goal. I just want to try to do better than my parents did. Then, maybe my kids can do better than I. And, just perhaps, my great-great-great grandkids will be perfect at it!  And, when I say that I want to do “better,” I say that without judgement. Because, parenting is hard and we are human.

Let’s be honest still, parenting isn’t something that we study for. It isn’t something we go to school for, take classes for, or even really read up on (until we are in the throes of a problem!). We use our experiences to learn. We learn from our own parents, grandparents, teachers, etc. We learn what to do, and decide what not to do (if we can help it). 

“But, Cori, you have two psychology degrees.”

Why, yes. I do. But, I liken my degrees to Christianity….Ha…Just hold on. Bear with me.

I know what I should be doing. I have studied it and know the “right way” – in the sense that studies suggest…blah, blah, blah. But, knowing what to do and following through with it are two different things. I know that positive reinforcement is the answer…but, damn if it isn’t hard some times. And, just like I know the person Jesus wants me to be, I fall short every single day (like saying damn just a second ago).

Nevertheless, I keep trying. I cry. I apologize. I regret. But, I keep on trying. That, I think, is the best I can do.