Alright, I’m not going to ‘hem-haw’ around anymore. I am just going to lay it out there. Lucy rolled over for the first time and I missed it. Did you read that? Lucy rolled over for the first time and I missed it!
I think that I would have handled it a little better, if, say, Heath would have been the first witness. But, Daycare? I’m so sad. I feel like…yeah I’ll say it, the last kid picked in dodge ball. Even worse – when they finally got around to picking me they flat out said, “You can’t play with us.” I feel so left out. Yes, yes, I can hear the teeny tiny violin playing a song just for me. But, I felt like this was her first real big milestone.
I walk into daycare today and they say to me, “I set Lucy on her tummy for just a second and she rolled right over.” I was excited and overwhelmingly proud…but, but,…Heath did you hear that? He, too, shared in the excitement and proud pats on her tummy (which was protruding over her lacey, melon-colored shorts). I wondered if he felt like I did. The only word I can think of is: sad. I am just sad about it. Disappointed? Not really, not in Lucy anyway. Depressed? Kind of, but I’m not going to go cry in a corner or anything. Regretful? Maybe.
Once Heath left, our Daycare provider and I tried to recreate the moment that I had missed out on. Lucy hated it though. She kept looking at me like, “What is this? You hold me, remember?” When I saw one little tear roll down her nose, I had to pick her up.
Guilty? Yep, I also feel that. I already leave her for eight hours every day. I miss out on eight hours of her life every day. Now I have to feel bad about this too. Someone once told me, "It isn’t the quantity of time you spend with your children, but rather, the quality." That’s some pretty good advice. Hopefully my feelings about it will carry through the next 6 years, until Lucy goes to school – then, with the next child and the next. Until then, I will have to repeat my newly created mantra, “I will see her roll over eventually. I will see her roll over eventually. Rolling, rolling, rolling.”
Understood. I missed Tristan rolling over the first time and the first time he rolled back over. I was incredibly sad about it. One of the many reasons I wanted to stay home (definitely not the deciding factor though).
ReplyDeleteDon't get too excited about her rolling over! You wont be able to just lay her on the couch or a raised surface cause she'll just be rolling over or off while you go grab a drink or something. Then you have to keep an eye on her while she just lays there, making sure she won't roll into danger. Yes, I will be one of those mothers who won't let her child out of sight....
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel. I wasn't there when Lexi rolled over for the first time either. I was told via text message from the lady that watched my daughter. I have been able to see other firsts, like her taking her first un-assisted steps, and I was so happy that I had tears running down my face. Just wait, there will be more firsts for you to experience. Hang in there!
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