Living for Tomorrow

I was holding Lucy earlier this week and started to daydream. I thought about that two-story Barbie house my dad built me when I was 8 years old. It was the most creative and crafty thing a young girl could imagine and even looking back on it today, I appreciate the time it took him. It had stained, wood floors, beige wallpaper with maroon hearts, a second-level patio, and tongue depressors cut in half for shingles. The master bedroom was fit for a Barbie queen! The light pink canopy bed, matching sofa and love seat were decoratively organized across from the patio door. My sister and I played with that house until all hours of the evening (probably ten o’clock or so, but as a child it seemed late!).

I then quickly listed, in my mind, all the wonderful toys that meant so much to me as a child: the pink Barbie Cadillac, my hunter-green convertible, dodge viper matchbox car, my pink Polly Pocket mansion with a swimming pool, and even my Murray bicycle. Ahhh…..childhood and the summer off of school! It makes me smile just thinking about it. I cannot wait until Lucy gets old enough to play with those toys.

Unfortunately, my dad threw my old, hand-made Barbie house out. I wasn’t present of course. However, I did win the fight to keep the pink Cadillac. It is a little worn, but I am sure Lucy won’t mind. I imagine my dad making Lucy her own Barbie house someday, one that’s as big as she is tall! :) We’ll see…

In the middle of all these wonderful thoughts of my childhood, I realized…I am living for tomorrow. Every day I go to work and imagine all the things that my future holds. I hope and sometimes pray for what tomorrow will hold for me and my family. Why? Why do I have such a hard time living in the now?

During work, all I can think about is the evening. During the week, all I can think about is the weekend. During the year, all I can think about is Christmas season…then it all starts over after the New Year.

So, I have decided to try to stop. I need to stop. Lucy is 3 months and 2 weeks old already! Whoa, I know. I am going to miss out on so much of her childhood if I keep dreaming about all the things we WILL do. I need to realize that I am living a dream! Through the entire nine months of my pregnancy I dreamt about the day I got to hold my little girl. Now, I am; I am living the very role that I played with my Barbies, just 16 years ago. The names have changed of course; I will never be a ‘Michelle,’ nor will Heath ever be a ‘Derek.’ But, the loving home is the same – minus the lovely patio. ;)

Today, May 20th, is just a very small portion of my life on this earth. But, I will try to remember it as a day that I worked to provide for my little family and spent the evening doing exactly what I wanted – spending it with family. Today is great and tomorrow, well, it’ll come soon enough.