Motherhood

I think I am finally into the swing of things!

My brain has finally wrapped around the idea that my house will forever be an unorganized mess of unfolded laundry, scattered toys, and random burp cloths and socks everywhere! Although when they are teens I expect that those items will be replaced with dirty laundry, drinking cups or pop cans, and their shoes...

Although my house is a complete disaster, I am more at ease with it than ever. Take that however you want. It doesn't mean that I've given up and we will live in a pig pen the rest of our lives. It just means that I have finally realized what my Uncle Matt was trying to tell me. The dirty, unorganized house is the trade off to having little kids and a full-time job. It happens. I have accepted that. One room gets clean and another gets dirty. Got it. And, the dishes will need to be done nightly to keep them contained. Otherwise, they come heaping up out of the sink and we start to creatively stack them to keep the tower going. The great plus to that is that the sink can be seen when someone steps foot into our house. It's a great first impression - a real statement maker.

Moving on...

I've heard moms say that they were much more overprotective of their first one than the second. I think that is true to a certain extent. I was pretty damn psycho with Lucy; I'll be the first to admit that. I was seriously bat-shit crazy.With Olive am I just as "cray-cray?" You bet your ass I am.

I apologize for the cussing. I feel compelled. Perhaps it is that I am watching too much Breaking Bad, yo!

Anyway, with Olive I am just as crazy. I just do a much, much better job of two things: 1) suppressing my crazy and 2) being more assertive.

I have learned that as crazy and paranoid as I am that there are certain things out of my control. With Lucy, I used to stay awake at night worrying about her. I know it didn't do any good. So, with Olive for instance, if I have a fan going to keep air circulating, remove all blankets from the crib, and make sure she isn't too hot, I have done almost everything I can to prevent SIDS. It is in God's hands after that. All I can do is pray with all my heart and soul and hope that is enough.

I am also much better at being more assertive. I think that possibly comes with age or something. I am just way more outspoken these days (bad thing sometimes). But, as I get older I yearn for approval less and less. Plus, I think I feel more confident about the people around me. I know that they love me for me and will accept me, even if I ask them to not put Olive to sleep with a blanket. They know I'm crazy; what's new?

So, in my book, is the second one easier? Yes - in all ways possible. Olive is an easier baby and I am more composed as a mother.

I have finally settled into motherhood; it only took 3 years. I sincerely think it took that long to forget my life pre-Lucy and to completely let go of it. Now, don't get me wrong. I would never ever in my wildest dreams go back or give up my babies, now or before. But, I just kept comparing everything to the way it was before. I somehow expected the house to be as clean, for things to be as organized, for getting ready to take the same time, for my body to go right back to the way it was, for Heath and I to have as much time together. I thought that everything would be the same, just with a baby, happiness, zoo trips, vacations, and a few diapers. It is so, so much more. I don't think anything, ANYTHING, can properly prepare you for the physical, emotional, and mental journey that is parenting.

In conclusion, Olive had great timing. She just so happened to come when I had my greatest epiphany yet. Judge my house, judge my crazy, but just know - I am a mother. :)

Additional Thoughts:

• This post does not get me out of having occasional melt downs about how unorganized the house is and how little time I have to be superwoman. They will still happen on rare occasion; trust me.
• I highly recommend Breaking Bad, but it is super graphic and cussy. What do you expect? It's about meth. Thanks to my Uncle, Aunt, and cousins.

Weight Loss Journey 3

Yes. I am on a weight loss journey again. This is my third. Apparently when life throws big changes my way, I gain lots of weight. But, I think baby weight is to be expected. I am just an overachiever and gain 50+ lbs.

My weight loss with Lucy seems like so long ago that I can't remember how long it really took. I know that I was back within 5 lbs in 10 months. So, what can I expect at almost 7 months post Olive? I feel, overall, that I am doing pretty good. I am 4 lbs away from being at my pre-Olive weight. I am 14 lbs away from my pre-Lucy. Darn it. I will get there and stay there someday.

What have I been doing? Mostly I've been calorie counting. It is working and making me lose between a pound and two pounds a week, depending on how much I cheat. Cheating usually involves a night out to eat, where I can't keep my hands off of the salsa and chips, or daiquiris, or Cool Ranch Dorito taco. Mmm...

I have also worked out a little, not as much as I would like. It is very difficult with the girls. I would like to work out after they go to sleep, but it is dark at that time. This summer will be nice. It also isn't warm enough yet to take them out with the jogging stroller. I did a couple of weeks ago, when it was warmer. Remember that? Two days? Oh well, it was amazing. They loved it and I did too, even though I about died! 

I have been stalling lately. So, I've been doing a lot of research on how to boost metabolism and what stalls weight loss, etc. But, I thought the ultimate motivation would be....accountability. It has always been a great motivator for me. My cousin, Hannah, did that already by setting me up on HealthRally: Cori vs. Baby Weight. It allows me to update my few followers on my progress. It puts a percentage to it as well, which helps when I can see the percentage of completion growing.

Heath has also motivated me with the promise of a shopping spree. :)

Finally, I am very, very motivated by a trip to Vegas. This trip will be taken on May 1st - 5 weeks and two days. I have to get in better shape before then! I would ideally get to my goal weight and have the shopping spree before then, or while in Vegas. That would be amazing. So, I am trying really, really hard.

Want to see how far I've come? Of course you do. Everyone loves before and afters! (I may or may not have taken some very formal before photos. I will have to show you those when I reach my goal.)

I know these aren't as good as posed, premeditated photos. That is why some day I might show you the other ones I took. Perhaps I won't be as embarrassed about them when I get to my goal.

I swear my face was chubbier after I had Olive than when I was pregnant!

 I miss my thick hair though... My top-knot used to be so big and thick. Sad, sad, sad.

To wrap this post all up, I hope you guys don't mind me sharing some of my battle with weight in the next couple of weeks. I feel like it is an important part of being a mommy. I think most mommas deal with getting back to "normal" after baby - if in no other way but weight.

Wish me luck! Oh, and I signed up for a 5K at the end of May. I HAVE to take training more seriously! I am gonna die..

Judging

People are judgy. They are. It's just a fact. Even if they don't comment on you in a malicious way, they still have an opinion about the way you are living your life. Now, I realize that when I say people that totally includes me. I find myself being judgy. I hate it. I seriously do. I don't want to be so judgey. In fact, after I say something really bitchy, I usually regret it later. If my mind could just keep up with my mouth, we'd be fine.

Are there things that you don't talk about, because you are afraid that people will judge you? Or, disagree and make things awkward?

Hopefully, I am not alone in these things. I would like to think that someone else out there feels that way too. But, sometimes it is just nice to vent - to let it all out there. Take me as you will.

1. I like McDonalds. I like it a lot. I am super sad/angry that they nixed the super sizes of french fries. I like it so much in fact, you know that picture that has circulated the web? The one with that pink ice cream looking stuff, that is supposedly processed chicken? It doesn't bother me. I could sit and eat an entire box of 20 chicken McNuggets while staring at that picture.
2. I do not take a shower everyday. In fact, I will go several days without washing my hair.
   
3. When Olive couldn't quite hold the bottle on her own and I was is in the same room, I would occasionally prop her bottle to cook supper. Keep in mind, before you call CPS, I was in the same room.
4. Until very recently, I didn't go to church frequently. This has nothing to do with my relationship with God. As a result though, I cannot routinely quote the Bible. 
5. I breastfed the girls for about 5 to 6 weeks, but I didn't love it. I did it strictly for Lucy and Olive. If it were for me, I would go straight to the bottle.
   
6. I am a child of divorce. I think that it was best for my parents. It was hard at the time, but it was best for everyone's future. 
7. I do not floss regularly. I know I should.
8. I give my dogs kisses, which allows them to lick my face. Yes. I know. They lick their butts.  
9. I wear jeans several times before putting them in the wash.
10. I have a filthy, filthy car. That includes the junk and trash in the doors and the dust on the dash.
11. I am horrible at stacking clothing at the end of the bed, until my closet is half empty. When people come over, I have to shut our bedroom door.
12. I take the occasional picture of myself for no good reason other than the fact that I have put on makeup and dressed halfway descent (#selfie). 
13. I don't wash my makeup off at night.
14. I like Alanis Morrisette. I do. I listen to 'The Collection' while I run. It's very angry.
15. I bite my nails and cuticles. It is a nasty habit. It gets worse with boredom or nervousness.

Well, now you know all of my life's dirty details - or, at least 15 of them.

One day, I'm sure I will regret not taking "better care of myself."  But, at 27, I've accepted my bad habits. I know better. But, it's up to me.


What are you afraid people will judge you on?