Bloggin' Again

Once upon a time, I had a blog. In fact, I had a blog with over 350 stories that abruptly ended in February of 2014. This was after I spewed some random "advice" about mothering two children, while working full-time and going to graduate school. The idea kind of makes me chuckle now. Not only has our family, our home, and my employment changed, but I am truly a different person as well. So, here we are in the changes, with many more to come, I'm sure. I'm 32 years into this life, and you are welcome to tag along while I narrate the days, months, and (God-willing) the years to come.

 Ironically, my last post was about the inability to "do it all," and it was the last thing I wrote and published. Obviously, my blog was one of the things I gave up. Isn't that the way it goes? When you are mommin', something for yourself is always the first to go. I really did love it. I miss it - which, leads me back here.

I think about writing a lot. Our changes have resulted in me being in my own head for several hours a day. I have little interaction with adults, unless I seek it out or you count social media "likes" as interactions. That means that I have random thoughts just bouncing around my mind all day, every day - some are worth saying aloud, and many are not. Nevertheless, I miss "talking." I miss journaling, and archiving. I miss the deep thought, and the laughs. I miss writing a blog.

Please understand that a new blog does not mean that I suddenly have a whole bunch of time on my hands. It doesn't, and I'm not sure how much of a commitment I can make to it yet. As I type this, I am avoiding three "to-do" list items, sitting directly in front of me. But, I believe in balance more than ever these days. This, this blog, it is for me. And, someday, maybe it will be for my kids. Either way, as wife, a mom, and a decent person living in today's society, I am still struggling, still contemplating, and still almost bang my head against the wall daily.

I have decided to post this blog publicly, unlike my previous blog that was marked as private for the last year or so. With this change, I will not likely post my children's photos or personal information/locations, etc. anymore. But, I hope you will still come by for visits, once I start writing more often.

 Hello again, everyone. I hope to write you again soon.

Responsibility Advice

I recently had a mother of one contact me about going to grad-school and parenting. She wanted to know "how I do it." I laughed. Who the hell am I to be giving any advice? For all she knows I go home, starve the girls, and lock them in their rooms...but, I was humbled. I didn't really know what to say. I let the email sit in my inbox for a couple of days before replying. When I did reply, this is what I said...

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It is great to hear from you. And, when it comes to being a multi-tasking mom, I seriously hear you! I had such a hard time transitioning to my "new life" and that was back when I wasn't going to school. So, having a second baby and then applying to Grad School was basically terrifying. I completely understand your concern! I do have some advice, but I want to make sure I am completely clear - I still fail. I try. I try to be the best at everything that I can. But, some days the house is a complete wreck. Some days I order a pizza and don't cook supper. Some days I am so stressed to the max that I get short with Lucy and Olive, cry in the corner, and then beg for forgiveness. It is tough. I just don't think that we can be "the best" at it all. I've tried several times and I have failed every single time. Just when I think I am getting into the swing of things, I realize that my relationship with Heath is suffering, or my friendships. Or, that I can't find time to just sleep, or think, or be by myself for two seconds!

I digress...

So, here is my advice and feel free to ignore me.

1) Forget your life pre-baby
I think my greatest milestone as a new mom was finally letting go of my "old life." I had a hard time. I kept thinking that everything was going to be the same, just with a baby. It literally took me about 2.5 years to figure this out. Things will have to be adjusted and concessions will be made.

2) Lean on your hubby
Heath is fantastic. But, I like to take a little bit of credit for getting him there. :) I am always an open book with him. I tell him when I am reaching my limit. He has really helped me pick up the slack and has come to know what really bothers me. I can't stand dishes in the sink; but, dust can wait until I have time...That kind of stuff. He has learned that there will be concessions when it comes to housework. So, a few rooms in our house (our bedroom and the toy room) will never be clean. We have finally come to terms with this.

3) Schedule "you" time
When I was a new mom I felt like if I wasn't spending every second of my free-time with Lucy, then I was a bad mother. I was so upset that I was already missing out on so much during the day, with her at daycare. But, I soon realized that I was having major burnout. I would try to do too much and then get short with Lucy. I was with her, but the shared time wasn't good. So, I schedule homework days, or homework nights, or even days away. Don't ever feel guilty for doing this - ever. It's not the quantity of time, it is the quality of time.

4) Schedule "us" time
Seriously, along with the previous one, take time to spend with your hubby. It is amazing how silly "the dishes" or "taking out the trash" can seem when you both are in good graces. But, if you are both stressed, you will end up bickering about something silly, something not even worth fighting about. So, once a week, if possible, take a night to go out, or order a movie, or something with just the two of you. It will make the household chores seem like less of a priority, which really, aren't they?

5) Remember this: When you die, no one will remember you for how clean your house was
You will be remembered as a wife, a mom, and so on. I learned this from my Uncle Matt and it is so true! Pick your battles and try to remember what really matters.

6) Indulge

Get that coffee from Starbucks. Buy those earrings. Every once in a while, we all need something to keep our sanity. Mine is the sweet, sweet flavors of a large diet-coke with vanilla from Sonic. :) It fuels me to get homework done. Seriously.

7) June Cleaver doesn't exist!

I kept thinking I should be able to do it all. But, to be honest, I don't think it is possible. I seriously don't. Something has GOT to give. Mine is the housework and sleep. Yes - I still get overwhelmed with it and hate when people come over and things aren't perfect. But, I have just learned what really gets under my skin and what doesn't, and prioritize accordingly. During the week, no housework gets done. I cook supper, do dishes, and try to pick-up the girls' rooms. The weekend is for housework and maybe not all of it. These Pinterest and Blogging moms are struggling too, they just aren't as honest (or they don't work full-time, or go to school). Sleep? Well, I love it so much. I catch up on the weekends or take naps with the girls. :)

9) Also, remember this: You are not alone. 

And, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Before we know it, our kids will be big and we won't know what to do with ourselves.

10) Having two is not much more work than one, as long as your husband helps out. Keep that in mind for future babies. :) The biggest obstacle is going back to those toddler days, where you can't take them anywhere for long periods of time (grocery shopping sucks, etc.).

I hope I helped in some way. Those are the things getting me by. But, my classes started up again this week and I'm already stressing. That's okay; I will just pick up my Sonic drink on the way home and wait until the girls go to sleep until I start homework.



Heath is also fantastic. He really is. I could never do any of this without him. He is a great husband and father. He supports me emotionally and he supports my education. He picks up so much of my slack. I am forever grateful for him. I hope that everyone has that type of support!

You will do great. If not, you will figure it out. I promise. I am always here to listen.

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Any advice that any other parents would give to a new mother, trying to take on other responsibilities? Besides calling them crazy... :)

Lucy-isms: Big Girl Edition

Lucy is such a big girl! Time is flying and it makes me sad. But, that is why I cherish the conversations that I have with her while she is still 3 years old (for only about a month more). Here is a conversation we had before bedtime...

"Momma, is God proud of us?"

"I'm sure he is, if we are nice and caring to others."

"I will see God in Heaven. I will see Chico too. He will lick, lick my face. I will be all swobbery. He be happy to see me."

(Laughing) "Yes. He will be! But, that won't happen until you are really, really old."

"Old like you Momma?"

(Laughing) "No. Hopefully, much older!"

"Old like Daddy?"

"No, I hope and pray that you are old, and gray, and have lots of wrinkles."

"Am I going to be a giant or what?"

"No. You will stop growing. But, we continue to age. Our skin gets wrinkly and our hair turns gray. We get old."

"Hmmmm....I will get married and have grandchildren."

"Yes. I pray that you do get married, have children, and grandchildren."

"Momma, who will I marry?"

"We don't know. It may be someone you know, or it may be someone you haven't met yet."

"Ask me who I will marry..."

"Okay, who are you going to marry?"

"No. Ask me who!"

"Oh, will you marry Max?"

(Finger on her chin) "Hmmm.....maybe."

"Will you marry Bryson?"

"That's a good one, Momma! I pick that one."

She makes me laugh so much. I love our conversations. After that, she rolled over and asked me to turn out the light. :) I love that little girl so much.