Advice on Parenting

When is it acceptable? And, when is it offensive?

I've had advice range from -

"Put two sets of crib sheets and liners on the mattress; so, in the middle of a messy night you can just take off the top two layers and go right back to sleep."

to

"You need to get out of your bubble and experience more things, to be a better mom."

Helpful information to downright infuriating comments.

Yes - someone actually told me that I needed to get "out of my bubble" to be a better mom. The bubble I live in? I'm careful and I think about consequences before doing something. How awful of me, right? Anyway, enough of that irritation...let's just say that Heath said my face became visibly red during that particular conversation.

Anyone with a brain knows that you should never utter to another mother, "To be a better mom, you should..." However, I've also been given advice that I didn't agree with and I felt like I was being told that my way was somehow "wrong." This is also difficult to deal with.

Don't get me wrong. I love giving my opinion and advice. I am the first one to do it...through blog even. :) If you are going to see a movie and I've already seen it? Be prepared; I'm going to tell you what I think about it. Having a problem? I can help! Or, at least I think I can. And, if I know some amazing fun fact or work-around, I'm going to share it with the world.

So, I've had to tread carefully. I don't want to offend or irritate any other mothers out there. I don't want them to say, "Gosh, Cori always has something to say!" Or, "She thinks she is such an expert." 

Believe me - I know I'm not an expert. I just worry sometimes that my mouth gets ahead of my mind. So, I've come up with some rules for myself, about parenting advice:

1) If the mother seems uncomfortable with the conversation (or her face turns red), abandon your point and shush!

2) If the mother continues to stand up for what she does, she disagrees with you; abandon your point and shush!

3) If someone says they read it in a book, you, not the author of said book, are probably not going to change their mind.

4) Ask yourself, "Is this information helpful or are you just spouting off knowledge?" Sometimes I think I'm John Tesh and that I need to make everyone aware of what I have read or heard.....Sorry! I am most guilty of this!

5) Ask yourself, "Did this person ask for advice or does this seem like a good time to give advice?" If there wasn't a question before hand and there isn't a lingering pause of eye contact, they probably don't care for your in-depth advice. However, if it is a helpful tip, bring it on!

6) Ask yourself, "Is this lifestyle advice?" Because lets face it, you wouldn't talk religion to an atheist. Or, in baby terms, you aren't going to convince a cloth diapering momma that she should go with disposable.

7) If a mother does something and she feels the need to explain her actions to you, don't challenge it. She isn't asking for advice or approval. She is probably trying to nip your advice in the bud.

8) If the mother has more than one child, don't give her advice. She has probably been through it once already! Again, this applies unless it's a helpful tip that you read about on....say....Pinterest. :)

Wait a minute. Am I giving advice on giving advice? Oh, the irony.

I just find it very interesting. Advice is probably one of the most hot-button issues with new mothers. I've read about it, heard about it, and experienced it as well. All mothers want to feel like they are doing their absolute best for their little one. It is tough to hear others give advice; it sometimes seems like criticism. And, I'm not too sure that "constructive criticism" is allowed in parenting...

Now, what did we all learn today?

You make your mistakes and I'll make mine.

Okay, okay, enough of the lecture. I'm not even sure where it came from. It all started from me wondering where the line is. When is it okay and when is it offensive? We shall never know.

Maybe we should just all have our babies wear this:

Until next time...Happy Wednesday!